Sunday, November 27, 2005

The Mask

So much has made me angry
over the years 'till now,
that I have had to ask myself
what anger is, and how
it can control the things I do
despite my very vow.

I look behind the angry roar
and lurking there, I see
a myriad different disguises
peering back at me.
Behind each mask I look beneath
the face of fear is what I see.


Darlene said...

This definitely makes me assess the past and present times I've been angry. Thankfully I haven't been angry that much throughout the years, and usually it's been of a fleeting sort. I do, however, acknowledge specific times back when I was growing up and felt a truly deep-seated anger, and I still recognize them as honest reactions with valid reasons why they should have made me so angry.

Nowadays I generally feel anger towards just certain people or because of specific situations, but I dare not express my anger as readily, so the frustration builds up. But I've accepted that this is a part of life, because expressing my anger would be disastrous.

defiant goddess said...

Hmm. Fear always messes up a good thing.

Zareba said...

Darlene, thanks for your comments. I agree that we quite often have valid reasons for our anger, I have just found that when I examine those reasons, there is a deeper emotion clinging to them. An example comes to mind. Many years ago, I was making dinner and heard the squeal of tires. When I went to investigate, my young daughter was sitting in the middle of the road and the front bumper of the police car was within 2 feet of her. She had escaped the fenced back yard in a moment of inattention. I flew out the door, grabbed her and tanned her backside, I was so angry. If you think about the reason for the anger, you will see that it was fear motivated. I was afraid she could have been hurt. Another case is when someone spread rumors about me. They were not true, but it made me so very angry that I could have chewed them up and spit them out. Further investigation revealed that I was actually fearful that people would believe the rumors and not like me. Again fear, accompanied this time with insecurity, which is in itself a form of fear.

Anger damages me much more than it damages the one I may be directing the anger at. I found that by examining the emotion, I have been able to defuse the feelings, prevent the adrenalin rush, keep a civil tongue and preserve my own sanity.

I also agree with you that expressing the anger would often be disastrous, I just refused to live with the pent up frustration that stifling it creates.

Zareba said...

Goddess, you are so right. After looking anger in the eye, I was left with figuring out how to deal with fear!