Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Finding My Questions

As a child, I felt isolated, different, lost even. If it had not been for my grandparents great goodness and integrity, I doubt that my path would have found me in this lifetime. I had half-formed memories, feelings of something missing in my life. They provided me with a safe framework within which I could search for meaning in my life.

In my teens, I began searching in earnest, reading the Christian Bible from cover to cover, the Book of Mormon, the Koran, Buddhist, Hindu and Taoist texts, the Teachings of Don Juan and many others followed, but I was not finding my answers because I still did not know the right questions to ask.

In my twenties, I encountered the Maharishi Mahesh Yoga and learned Transcendental Meditation (TM) techniques. After using these techniques for a period of time, I finally started to see the questions I must ask in order to start to find my answers. I did not stay with the group, but will be eternally grateful for them having taught me the rudiments of meditation. I was finally on my way, a foot on the path so to speak.

The first time I consciously experienced my connection to the All That Is, I wept. I was coming home! I had no words to express my experience, and even now, so many years later, I do not have adequate words. When you have such an experience, you will have no doubts as to what it was even though you can not describe it. Our computer brains do not have the basic programming to allow such descriptions. We spend a lifetime filling this computer with knowledge and it still is not enough.

An example for me was the time I nearly drove right into the side of a moving train because I did not see it. It was a familiar level crossing, where I had never in my life seen a train. Because of this, my brain did not register what my eyes were reporting to it. It was only at the last instant that my brain woke up and I stopped the car a foot from the train. After an eternity spent shaking and giving fervent thanks, I was finally able to think about what had happened. This was also my first glimmering that the mind is not the brain, but rather the mind uses the brain the way we use a computer.

Memories of things I had read started to surface and I saw that there was much that I had not understood the first time. I now had questions, some of them the right questions. This sent me back to re-reading my whole library and adding to it as quickly as possible. I continued to meditate twice a day and experiment with different meditation practices while raising a family and pursuing a career.

I had always kept a journal of sorts, where I wrote my poetry, musings, insights and other thoughts. For the first time, I could see progress in my thinking. Much that had totally baffled me and left me with that feeling of something missing in my life, started to make sense. Friends and family started asking me questions and listening as I tried to answer as fully and truthfully as I could. Here I think, is where I put my feet back on my path and took up my Journey Into Being for this lifetime.

To be continued


kathy said...

Wow! this is very interesting Z. your eyes didn't see the train because your brain didn't register what you saw! So if we humans never see something... (like a train, boat, or plane) and something appears...our brain will not see it through our eyes? Whoa! I'm going to think about this for awhile.

Thank God you didn't run into the train. looking forward to part 2 of this post!
Thanks Z

kathy said...

i wonder if this happens to animals too? my little tiger (dog) when he was growing up would run through my front door when the door opened and would run down the street and not see the cars! he almost got hit. did he see the car? hmmm? interesting thought!

Zareba said...

Hi Kathy, thanks for dropping by. The reason I thought of the train incident was that I have found that it is impossible to voice new experiences for which there is no comparison already in our computer brain. It seems to me that all the reading, talking, listening serve to put concepts into the brain so we can think about such things.

The more programming we put into the brain, the more we are able to do with it. I may not be able to describe where I go in meditation, but I am able to think about it in a limited way now, and even describe what it is not!

Beard said...

Thanks Zareba, I enjoy hearing about how people got started.

I "think" that consciousness can exist seperately from the mind. It may be that this happens in meditation.

A little cosmic joke. Almost every time I try to write "consciousness" I write "consiousness". When I notice it, it wakes me up. :)

Matt said...

It's a great feeling to find ones path :)

George Breed said...

Z, I like hearing your personal story.