Monday, October 17, 2005

Vegetable Soup

I feel afraid because he is slipping into
nowhere and maybe he can't stop.
I see both his beauty and his need, and
I feel helpless because I can't help him
to hang on and find his way back.
I feel protective because the world is a cold,
cruel place that does not recognize his worth.
I feel exultant when he has a good day.
I feel hopeful that tomorrow will be better.
I feel anger at the world for hurting him,
and at him for letting it.
I can't understand where he is and why
he can't just come back by himself.
I feel inadequate in the face of the demands
put on me by my love for him.
I feel responsible in some way,
but I don't know what I should be doing,
or what I may have done.
I feel his pain and my frustration because
I can't give him my strength.
I feel despair that "Someday" may
never come and today is so long.
I feel empty because I gave all I have
and it isn't enough.
I feel impatient because sometimes I forget
that he can't help what is happening
and I want my needs met too.
I feel guilty because I feel angry, impatient,
frustrated, inadequate and
I know that is not the answer.
But most of all, and through it all,
I feel love and acceptance for him
because he IS, and that
is all that really matters.


George Breed said...

Is you
is too?

Nina said...

This is beautiful . . . it made me think.

Zareba said...

Thank you Nina, it was a very painful time long ago now. I am so glad I did not give up.

I also hope that in gathering these writings into a book, that it will help someone else to not give up when the path gets difficult. I find we are generally not truly honest with each other because we are often not truly honest with ourselves. Honesty is painful, but it, along with healing tears are so very necessary on the path.

The book is almost ready for the printer and I thank you for your encouragement and input. ...Z