Saturday, January 07, 2006


In a short period, six people for whom I cared a great deal, passed through transition. It seems to be a truth that the older we become, the more funerals and fewer baby showers we attend.

We take for granted the family connections, from the generations ahead, through us to the generations behind, with offshoots for siblings, cousins and such. When all the generations ahead have moved on and the side shoots have uncoupled, you are left at the head of the line, feeling very disconnected.

I’m not sure how I feel about that, There seems to have been a form of security in being part of a chain, which is definitely not there when you suddenly become the “Older Generation”, right up there at the front of the line.

Another thing I wish is that when I pass on I could somehow come back and tidy up the loose ends, do the paperwork, make the phone calls, allocate the accumulated physical trappings, make the required arrangements to spare those I love from this hardest of pains. But, perhaps that is not the way it is supposed to be. Maybe doing these things allows us to adjust more quickly to the fact that the loved one is no longer in our physical sphere. It may also facilitate contact across the divide by putting the sufferer in a receptive frame of mind.

I wish I had some more answers than just “What is, is and in the grand scheme of things it is OK.”


Anvilcloud said...

I, too, am at the head of the line now. D said that she now feels like an orphan, and I understand that feeling.

Zareba said...

Isn't it odd that we don't recognize our connections until they are gone. I am so very glad that my grandmother taught me to never let the sun go down on a quarrel and to always remember to tell those you love, how you feel. Live each day as if it were your last. She also believed in clean underwear every day just in case you end up in hospital.I still follow her advice, all of it. ...Z

George Breed said...

Going to visit my Mom this weekend for a few days. Will sleep on her sofa and see how she is getting along. Rumor is my brothers and sisters are dropping by a visit. We are all getting along in years. Ah! Mortality!

Zareba said...

George. It sort of sneaks up on all of us. Every new decade, I am surprised and have to wonder were the time went. Have a great visit with your mom...Z