Thursday, February 21, 2008

Forgiveness


Forgiveness is very hard to do, it is right up there with I'm sorry. In fact I think it may be harder to forgive than to apologize, but it can be done. It has to be learned if we do not want to go through life with a heart full of bitterness and anger. It does not mean that we forget totally. The open wound does heal and become a scar. The scar is always there but it no longer hurts. Many things wound us over the years, and we must learn to let those wounds heal, for our own benefit if not for others.

Again, meditation can be of great benefit when we are clearing out the old pains and angers. In order to be healthy, we have to be aware of our emotions and work through the negative ones, replacing them with understanding and forgiveness.

Below is an article that I saved some time ago which I believe is useful..

Why Should I Forgive?

Think of forgiveness as a gift that you give to yourself. It is not something you do for the person who hurt you. It is a gift to yourself because it enables you to stop feeling painful feelings and pushing others away. Forgiveness frees you from anger and allows you to restore your ability to have close and satisfying relationships with others.

Anger is a poisonous emotion that comes from being hurt. When you are consumed with anger and bitterness, it hurts you at least as much as it hurts the person who has harmed you. It is as if you are filled with poison. If these feelings are not resolved, they can begin to eat you up inside. You have two choices: to stay connected to the person who hurt you by keeping these poisonous feelings alive, or to let the feelings go and forgive the person who harmed you. When you withhold forgiveness, think about who is actually being hurt. It is more than likely that the person who is filled with anger and anxiety is you, not the other person.

What Forgiveness Is Not

Forgiving another does not mean you will never again feel the pain or remember the thing that hurt you. The hurtful experience will be in your memory forever. By forgiving, you are not pretending the hurtful behavior never happened. It did happen. The important thing is to learn from it while letting go of the painful feelings.

Forgiveness is not about right or wrong. It doesn’t mean that the person’s behavior was okay. You are not excusing their behavior or giving permission for the behavior to be repeated or continued.

When you forgive another, it does not mean you wish to continue your relationship with them. This is a separate decision. You can forgive a person and live your life apart from them.
Forgiveness can only take place because we have the ability to make choices. This ability is a gift that we can use it whenever we wish. We have the choice to forgive or not to forgive. No other person can force us to do either.

7 comments:

Kathy said...

I like what the article said in this line: "Think of forgiveness as a gift that you give to yourself."

so true...it is a freedom.

Thanks,
Kathy

Swahilya Shambhavi said...

Hi Zareba! It's nice to forgive, so free.(swahilya.soulmate@gmail.com)

jim said...

It is the greatest gift one can give oneself, I think so! Absolutely, and if it is so good for yourself, think how great it will be to give it to others!

Truly is a human fact, thanks Zareba!

Don Iannone said...

So well said, Z. Forgiving is freeing, as Swahilya has said.

Zareba said...

Thank you for your comments. It is surprising how many people do not know that you forgive for the sake of your own soul and growth. If we say it loud enough and often enough, the idea will grow and flourish, even if it is only a little at a time.

May joy and sunshine find you allow
...Z

Liara Covert said...

Saying the words, "I'm sorry" isn't itself very difficult. Yet, uttering these words with meaning and understanding their implications is something different altogether. In a similar way, you can say you love someone as an echo to something you have heard or read. But, the truth is discovered through experience.

Zareba said...

Hi Liara. It is great to find you here. Your comments are well thought out and expressed. So true that the words are easy to say and hard to mean.

...Z