Friday, April 06, 2007

Life After Life

One year ago today, I crashed in the ambulance and was resuscitated on arrival at the hospital, and immediately put into a drug-induced coma for 5 days. At that time there had been no improvement in my condition. My partner insisted on them withdrawing the drug and letting me wake up so he could talk to me. After much resistance they did, and I woke up to find him on one side of my bed and my daughter on the other. My partner was able to tell me what had happened, and they both told me that if it was too hard, I could go. They did not want me to, but they did not want me to suffer either. I was never so proud of either of them than at that time. True altruistic love allows us to put the needs of the loved one first. Most don’t ever experience that love from either the giving or the receiving side. I asked if I could win, and he said it would be hard but I could! I made the decision to fight. In a way, today is my first Birthday!

In a recent visit to my doctor, she asked me if I had made the right decision. It started me thinking about the past year. I have crossed through the mist and returned a few times over my life, none have been easy, but this last one was very difficult. Waking me up let me know that my brain had not suffered major damage, but I knew that I would not regain my health or strength. At my age and with my health problems that would have been too much to expect.

Because of my spiritual beliefs, I had no choice but to try. I believe in the sanctity of life, and that if one’s life is of more benefit to others than one’s death, then there is no choice but to try to preserve it. The Cosmos decreed that I return and finish my assigned life. With the love, prayers, strength and help of family and friends, I returned to come out of hospital exactly four weeks after I entered, to the astonishment of the hospital staff.

I take this as a sign that I was meant to return to unfinished business. I cannot say for sure what that business may be. I am working on a sequel to Journey Into Being, A Beginning, and transcribing an e-mail dialogue between a student and teacher that I feel may be of help to others seeking a State Of Grace. I also carry on a lively correspondence, as well as interchanges with others in various groups. The love that surrounds me brings me to tears of gratitude for blessings beyond what anyone has any right to expect. I have always believed that if at the end of my life, I could number the true friends I have had on the fingers of one hand, I was blessed. Now I find that I need both hands and more, an embarrassment of riches!

In this, my most recent life, I have had to learn the way of the Tortoise, who goes very slowly but goes very far. I have always been thorough and meticulous, making me the tortoise in the Hare and the Tortoise, but it has even more meaning now. At times I get so frustrated with the things I can no longer do, but then I have to think of the things I can do. I have my mind, I have my hands, I can communicate in a meaningful way. If I cannot walk to the bridge and back, I am the only one who feels the lack. With a great deal of effort, those around me have managed to convince me that I am still a contributing member of society and my life has meaning. With that, my life also has purpose.

I thank the Creator for each and every day. Each hour, each day, each week, each month is a blessing, and a year is valued beyond all except love. To see another spring (I could have done without the winter , another summer and maybe another fall are priceless gifts. Spending another day with my partner, communicating with my daughter, sharing with my friends, are all wonders to be appreciated beyond words.

Did I make the right decision a year ago? Yes.


Alexys Fairfield said...

I think you made a courageous decision to continue. The true test of fate comes when we are faced with death. Although we will be reborn, our human consciousness can not help but to want to stay where we are.

I am glad that you decided to stay. Others can learn from your strength and love. It's not so bad being a tortoise, at least you know you will finish in your own time.

Happy birthday and welcome back to life.

Kathy said...

Happy Birthday Z! thanks for sharing your story. I think if i had that choice i would take it too. every moment is precious. (((Hugs to you!)))

Happy Easter Zareba

Sophia said...

You can count so many friends because you're such an easy person to love. Thank you for being you and I'm glad to share this life with you.

You are a beautiful soul, Zareba!

Zareba said...

Thank you all. It is the love that keeps me going. If my experience helps others at all, then it is worth sharing, and it gives purpose to my days.


Margie said...

Thanks so much for sharing this!
You made the right choice!
Many blessings to you!
I'll be in touch very soon!


jim said...

Hi Zareba my friend, great to come here for the first time in a while and find a new post by you, you magnificent creature! And a 'birthday' post at that, wonderful!

You touch many hearts and many stings in a single heart, know that for the truth of it. Reading, and especially reading posts and first hand experiences such as you write, full of personal thought and investigations, is like the WHOLE reality of 'hearing'. One conscious person 'hears' what he hears, part of it is heard even 'unconsciously' even as one thinks he has consciously heard everything. But all is heard and all is involved in the fullest ways, ways of which we are only partly aware.

It doesn't matter that down the road, the hearer only realizes an awareness of something that rises into their consciousness one day in a time of need, be it need of teaching, need of truth, or need of comforting, but that the hearer and then realizer may often have no clue as to source. Same too for you the writer and professer of such full subjects, having no idea of all your content, nor of the reason for your writing it.

But so it is with us humans, limited consciousness but unlimited realities, you are one very special and talented example of our true wholeness. It is witnessed by your endurance and power of giving.

I told you at the end of last year that I was going to find what I had been searching for, and I have come closer than ever before, and now am just beginning to try and get it out on the blogs, it will be trial and error, experimentation with ideas and words and means.

Great to read you again, I look forward to more. Love from the Heart, and Peace as it should be, for you and yours, sincerely, Jim.

DanielF said...

I will pray for your complete recovery and for your release from all pain. I have done some healing with bones and cancers from time to time. I have healed people of all faiths and of no faith. The oldest person I healed was a woman 74 years-old who had gotten drunk and fell hurting her neck. If anything happens, it should be immediate. Please be advised I am going through a dark night of the soul type of experience. I have done this before and emerged a better healer at the end. The most important aspect in healing is not theology but relationship.

Zareba said...

Jim. I am so happy to see you back again. Your search and your insights help others to begin or continue their own search. May you find and articulate what you are seeking.

Your comments here sent shivers through me as you are so right on with what we are as humans, and how we internalize without even knowing we do so. A perfect example is that I have been around and writing for long enough to hear my own words come back to me from some of the strangest sources. It keeps me writing...and never knowing what I write before it writes itself, and often never knowing why.

It just is, and that is enough.

Zareba said...

Hi Daniel. Thank you. I am glad you are here, and I pray you find your way back into the light. When we have gone through a number of these dark nights where our faith is sorely tested, we come to a point that, even when in such a dark place, we know with all of our being that we will return to the light, stronger and better than we were before entering the tunnel.