Friday, September 23, 2005


All my life, I have made the decisions I made because, in each instance, no other course seemed open to me. As difficult as some decisions were to make, I felt that any other choice would be impossible to live with. There is a particular life to live, a destiny to fulfill and a lesson to learn, a road that I must travel.

The only area in which I have fought my destiny has been in acknowledging my inner self and the experiences and feelings which go with this awakening. This was because they frightened me with the intensity of the pain that can be felt, and the uncharted course that must be followed. In the attempt, I suppressed the biggest part of myself and fought against the tide of my life.

Since acknowledging these feelings, I have allowed myself to start again on the long journey of self-discovery, which is every person's right. The journey is necessary and seems to be happening with no effort on my part, I need only let it happen.

There is much strength and good in my "self", more than enough to deal with the monsters that frightened me so much. I am more complete, more content and more capable. There is a distance between my "self" and my experiences which seems to allow me to feel, but not to be crushed by the experience. This cessation of the struggle against the tide of my life will bring me greater peace, tranquility and strength than i have ever known. This is a journey that i must take.

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