Life After Life

One year ago today, I crashed in the ambulance and was resuscitated on arrival at the hospital, and immediately put into a drug-induced coma for 5 days. At that time there had been no improvement in my condition. My partner insisted on them withdrawing the drug and letting me wake up so he could talk to me. After much resistance they did, and I woke up to find him on one side of my bed and my daughter on the other. My partner was able to tell me what had happened, and they both told me that if it was too hard, I could go. They did not want me to, but they did not want me to suffer either. I was never so proud of either of them than at that time. True altruistic love allows us to put the needs of the loved one first. Most don’t ever experience that love from either the giving or the receiving side. I asked if I could win, and he said it would be hard but I could! I made the decision to fight. In a way, today is my first Birthday!

In a recent visit to my doctor, she asked me if I had made the right decision. It started me thinking about the past year. I have crossed through the mist and returned a few times over my life, none have been easy, but this last one was very difficult. Waking me up let me know that my brain had not suffered major damage, but I knew that I would not regain my health or strength. At my age and with my health problems that would have been too much to expect.

Because of my spiritual beliefs, I had no choice but to try. I believe in the sanctity of life, and that if one’s life is of more benefit to others than one’s death, then there is no choice but to try to preserve it. The Cosmos decreed that I return and finish my assigned life. With the love, prayers, strength and help of family and friends, I returned to come out of hospital exactly four weeks after I entered, to the astonishment of the hospital staff.

I take this as a sign that I was meant to return to unfinished business. I cannot say for sure what that business may be. I am working on a sequel to Journey Into Being, A Beginning, and transcribing an e-mail dialogue between a student and teacher that I feel may be of help to others seeking a State Of Grace. I also carry on a lively correspondence, as well as interchanges with others in various groups. The love that surrounds me brings me to tears of gratitude for blessings beyond what anyone has any right to expect. I have always believed that if at the end of my life, I could number the true friends I have had on the fingers of one hand, I was blessed. Now I find that I need both hands and more, an embarrassment of riches!

In this, my most recent life, I have had to learn the way of the Tortoise, who goes very slowly but goes very far. I have always been thorough and meticulous, making me the tortoise in the Hare and the Tortoise, but it has even more meaning now. At times I get so frustrated with the things I can no longer do, but then I have to think of the things I can do. I have my mind, I have my hands, I can communicate in a meaningful way. If I cannot walk to the bridge and back, I am the only one who feels the lack. With a great deal of effort, those around me have managed to convince me that I am still a contributing member of society and my life has meaning. With that, my life also has purpose.

I thank the Creator for each and every day. Each hour, each day, each week, each month is a blessing, and a year is valued beyond all except love. To see another spring (I could have done without the winter , another summer and maybe another fall are priceless gifts. Spending another day with my partner, communicating with my daughter, sharing with my friends, are all wonders to be appreciated beyond words.

Did I make the right decision a year ago? Yes.