More About My Path

When I began responding to a post in a group by a friend, this all came pouring out so I am posting it here for anyone who is at all interested in how I got to this place in my life.

I believe we each have our own road to travel. We often gravitate to what is most familiar, most compatible to us. Over the years, I believe I have read or studied every major path with the exception of the Book of Mormon, which I read part of then lost the drive to finish it.

In each and every one, I found something that spoke to me, often only a small message and sometimes almost a coming home but none satisfied all of my questions and needs so I ended up being a solitary seeker on the road to enlightenment. I have met so many on paths similar to mine that kept me from being too lonely. Each seeker I meet teaches me something. I hope that I have been able to contribute to their paths as well.

Before I was sixteen, I had read the King James Version of the Bible from cover to cover and re-read much of it. It did not answer my questions and did not provide a good fit. Even sampling a number of the Christian Religions and some of the more obscure Sects did not satisfy my thirst. The closest they came was the Society of Friends and even that was not what I was seeking. Sampling Wiccan beliefs was also intriguing but not for me. In my early twenties, I met the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and learned the Transcendentalist form of Meditation. I was off and running. Again it was not the answer I was seeking, but it gave me a tool to use as a light to seek both inwardly and outwardly. I am eternally grateful for that chance encounter. It taught me that so many answers are already inside us, waiting to be rediscovered. I think it was then that I picked up my candle and mirror and began my journey in earnest. The candle to light my feet over the more treacherous passages on the path and the mirror to reflect back the truths that are already inside all of us. We know when we have found a truth because it resonates within us with such a surety that we cannot doubt its veracity. A book called How To Meditate gave me many more meditation techniques, allowing me to reach even farther into my sub-conscious and access long ago memories that I d not even know I had.

It was then that I began research in earnest. A full life with a partner, children and a career did not allow a great deal of time for this but meditation became a first thing in the morning and last thing at night routine. I methodically began reading the holy literature from other cultures and other religions. I came to the Native American Tradition because of a mirror meditation that put me face to face with an ancient Medicine Man, who somehow was also me. A friend from India made me interested in the Hindu faith. A set of books on the world's great religions gave me even more jumping off places. A local branch of Tibetan Buddhism sent me on a search through the Buddhist literature and an ad in a magazine sent me to investigate the Rosicrucian’s.

When I became disabled at the age of 40, I was able to return to the rural life I had always loved with unlimited time to pursue my search for answers, the silver lining behind that particular cloud. Initially, having my career cut short devastated me, but with time I saw the benefits. I am now creeping up on 63 and still pursuing my life long search.

The Native American Red Road, the Jewish Torah, the Wiccan Creed, The Bhagavad-Gita, much of the Buddhist tradition, the Christian Bible, and so much more have all contributed to my path and my exploration of the meaning of life. With the Internet, access to so many more thoughts and thinkers has broadened my search even more.

As a child, I always felt out of place. I also had memories I could not explain and a name that somehow belonged to me. Zareba was that name and it was not until I was in my thirties that I discovered it's meaning. Looking in a very large dictionary, I idly flipped to the back of the book and the word zahriba jumped out at me. It referred to the thorn bush fences built around the nomads’ encampments to keep them and their livestock safe from predators. I have also always tried to provide safe haven to all who find our little time warp, carved out of the hustle and bustle of modern life. When I started teaching, I adopted the name Arachna to teach under. I believe the teachings and not the teacher are important and wanted to try to stay outside the relationship with students to avoid becoming an idol or guru. I also believe that by the time a student understands what the spider means, they have learned all that I can teach. When asked by a friend to try to assist in a group that she felt was in great need of attention, I again did not want to be personally associated with what I was about to do so coined the name Solo Sonder, a loose translation in to French of solitary seeker, which I certainly am.

After arresting in the ambulance on April 6th, and being resuscitated at the hospital, then returning to my life in May, two of my closest sisters of the soul gave me a new name. They told me that I must be as the tortoise and go very slowly so that I may live very long. Now in many ways I have become that tortoise. They gave me tangible reminders for my birthday, one a broach which I pinned on my purse so that when I go out, I remember not to push beyond my endurance, and the other a brass box whose shell opens to hide a treasure inside, which I keep by my computer to remind me that I must get up and move around and that I must rest. There will be time enough for all that I must do before I leave this realm.