Journey Into Being

Addiction (A beautiful Soul (running away))

2010-02-21T12:41:00.003-04:00

How do I show him that the things that make him run away are of no import? There is no need to run. When he does so, he deprives himself of so many of the experiences of this life. He may avoid the pain of accepting things as they are but he misses experiencing the joys that can be found each day.

When he runs into the void to hide from the clouds, he also misses the rainbow, and a few tomorrows while he is searching for a way back. There are no words to explain how to accept and cope with living each day, while knowing that it is simply a part of the road to tomorrow.

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A beautiful Soul (running away) was was triggered by memories of my brother, who passed through the mist at 50. A crow flew into his motorcycle and he and his partner died instantly. The funny thing was that for the first time since he was 15, he was sober and happy. He never wanted to grow old and suffer the results of his life style, and somehow, I believe that he was ready and she did not want to outlive him.

He fought his own battle with addiction. It seems that sometimes reality is too harsh for a fragile soul to bear. He applied the drug of choice to the pain of living in a confusing world. I believe it is called "Self Medicating", with tongue in cheek. It is not funny, particularly to the ones going through it. Families are destroyed, lives are destroyed, and it often feels like nothing can be done. In truth, nothing can be ... except by the person who is self medicating.

In my brother's case, I do know what started his slide into addiction. He was two years younger than me. He was the blue eyed, golden haired poster baby and everyone made a big fuss over him. He was always the center of attention and he could do no wrong. Then we acquired a blonde, blue eyed baby girl sister when he was 7. Suddenly, he was no longer the star of the show. Getting into trouble and punishment were new to him. Mom had remarried and our step-father was very demanding, expecting my brother to grow up and "Be a man". It warped my brother's sense of what he should be and he could not be what he thought our step-father wanted. At 15 he was already an alcoholic. He could not measure up. I know my brother blamed my sister's arrival for his problems, although he did not blame her directly. Babies have a habit of taking the spotlight away from others who seem to need it. The other thing with my brother was hypoglycemia, a pre-diabetic condition. I have also seen this to be the case in many alcoholics.

My brother's self destructive behavior was so painful to watch that I simply could not allow myself to witness it. If he were sober, he was welcomed with open arms, if he was drinking, I would cross the street to avoid seeing the misery in his eyes. It made me very hard hearted in a way as I refused to condone, let alone enable it. I don't think the enabler sees their actions as enabling the addict's behavior. Much that is written applies to the addictive relationship as well as the abusive one.

With both my brother and my nephew there was always a woman around ready to pick up the poor broken boy and use him up, then throw him out for the next enabler to find. It seemed to be some form of misguided maternal instinct, combined with a need to control. There seems to be a poor self esteem component, and I suspect it is much the same as the mechanism that keeps a woman in an abusive relationship. If he quit drinking, went to AA and tried very hard to get his life in order, she would either sabotage him or walk out on him.

Society accepts the enabler and even heaps sympathy on them, when they really need help to kick their own addiction, their co-dependency. It is a repetitive pattern for both the addict and the enabler, who seems to have no idea why she repeats the pattern again and again.

I wish I had answers for the addict and those addicted to him or her. It truly is very complex, and the surface reasons can vary a great deal, however, I believe the pattern is almost universal. This is based on my own experiences with a number of family members and friends.

Perhaps the enabler can see the beauty hidden deep in the addict and believes they can protect or cure him. That can go on for a long time before the enabler gives up, if they do at all. Sometimes just like the abused, they will walk from one addict to the next, addicted in some way to each. There may also be a component that revolves around feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness that prevents them from choosing a healthy relationship. It may also be that the enabler feels that the addict can not find anyone else and they need to be looked after, an appeal to the maternal instinct. Or fear of living alone may motivate the enabler, feeling that they will have a partner for life. The mechanism at work is truly as complicated as the human condition.

My ex died alone after 3 failed marriages. He always said he could live with anyone rather than die alone, but he ended up exactly where he always feared, and died alone. He was unable to learn not to abuse alcohol, and the wife of the hour, both physically and mentally. After the third wife left him, he was alone. Funnily, I felt pity for him and actually hope he has learned enough that his next life will not be so tragic.

The stress of living with the addicted abuser is terrible, I narrowly escaped my own alcohol addiction, self-medicating in order to live with a big time abuser addicted to alcohol and power. I grew up in a broken home, so far below the poverty line as to not even see it. I grew up without a father, and believed I did not have the right to deprive my children of theirs. I lasted 8 years and it almost destroyed me. I drove myself (type A) in the career arena in order to provide the financial security that I had never had. Fast track to early burn-out.

Once I left the situation, the medication was no longer necessary. I was very lucky and very blessed. What a terrible price we pay for the things we think we need. With luck, wisdom comes.

Living in the moment disconnects one from such patterns, but the ability to do so is a hard won talent that comes with spiritual growth, and not a path chosen by everyone. It was my salvation.

There are other reasons for self-medicating. In order to live with another addiction, it is often necessary to numb the senses. This numbing becomes an addiction in itself and the original reason is lost in a drugged haze.

It has been my experience that the addict is usually an accomplished con man, and the first person they con is themselves. Unless or until he can admit that he is a chameleon, he can not change it. I have noticed that when he has no one to play to, depression drove him.

My brother was a tall, good looking guy who could charm the spots of a leopard, but also did not know who he was if he was not playing a role. He re-invented himself repeatedly, and even convinced himself that he was who he proposed to be. At one time, he decided to write the story of his life. He spent pages and pages detailing his growing up years in such abject poverty that he had to go out with the gun and shoot a rabbit to have food for the family for breakfast. Now this was when he would have been around 10 years old. His whole life was like that. I guess that is why it was so important to me that he was sober and had found someone he cared for more than the bottle when he died. For the first time in his life he knew who he was, and had found happiness.

There is something about such men that really does attract women, and it is too easy to woo them. The pleasure is in the stalking and when the woman is finally conquered, the appeal simply disappears and they are off to find the next conquest. With familiarity, the woman starts to see the flaws in his character and no longer strokes his ego in the same way as at first, and as he seems to need. Sometimes it is that they appeal to the mother instinct, or to the need to nurture or control, or the feeling that they can rehabilitate them. Often the woman does not see the pattern and would be surprised if it were pointed out. Sometimes the woman also feels she does not deserve better and is grateful for the male attention. People are so complex that we will never understand it all.

It does appear that when the addict deals with his or her issues and walks the road to recovery, they are no longer attractive to an enabler. This is also true for the enabler, so there is hope and there is a way off the merry-go-round. I am not sure one must walk the recovery path alone, but it may be necessary to choose support people very carefully. At some point, recovery has become a way of life and a healthy loving relationship becomes not only possible but almost inevitable.

A lot of this is generalizing what I have seen in individuals, and probably not as accurate as I would wish. I really would like to get input and write an article about women who enable and some idea of why, and how to break the pattern ... Like the Ladies of the Club that was written by a number of us sharing our experiences in order to find a pattern for the problem and for the breaking away. These women need help as well, and any little thing we can do to help is worthwhile.

It breaks my heart when someone wasted his life, but I do not have high expectations, only hopes. I see fairly clearly, I do not expect miracles, but still hope and do what I can. I know we can not save them all, but it does not stop us from trying. I write my life in the hope that some of the things I have learned may help someone else to traverse the same treacherous spots.

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Thinking Meditations

2010-02-21T12:38:00.000-04:00

Thinking is a meditation when used like a sharp blade rather than a blunt baseball bat. One simply keeps bringing the mind GENTLY back to the issue at hand whenever it wanders, which it will constantly. One of the challenges of meditation is training the mind. Walking meditations are also possible.

There are some very excellent thought meditations. If one's mind is occupied with a train of thought, the body and the spirit can both take or give what they need. Three of my favorite thinking meditations are, first: the healing ritual and second, the who am I train of thought, and third, petitioning for assistance.

In the healing meditation, one lies on one's back, feet apart and hands either at one's side or lightly clasped over the abdomen. After taking a few deep steady breaths to relax, start at the toes, mentally massaging the area while picturing the healing energy coming in through the breath and the negative going out with the exhalation. Slowly work your way up the body from the toes on one foot to the leg. My preference is to work up to the knee on one leg then bring the other leg to the same spot. Continue up the body slowly until you reach the shoulders. Go to the fingers on one hand and repeat the process as you did with the feet and legs. Once back to the neck, slowly work up through the head and finish at your crown. Spend a few moments again relaxing before going about your daily business or to sleep for the night.

Each of us develops a pattern that works well for the individual. None are inherently right or wrong, just unique. I recommend performing this meditation lying down rather than sitting as most people who practice it will fall asleep in the beginning. Again, that is neither bad or good, it simply is the body taking what it needs and if it needs sleep, that is what it will take. You will also note that when you reach a part of the body that needs healing, it may well feel quite warm internally as well as to the touch. When that happens, just spend a little more time working on that area, directing the healing energy there.

Some spectacular results have been achieved with this meditation.

Sanctuary

2010-02-21T12:36:00.000-04:00

Many years ago, I created a special place in my mind to be able to go when I needed to. We all need such a place and we need to go to it when our spirit needs healing and rest, or when we need to commune with the Creator to ask for wisdom.

Some want to create such a space but do not even begin to know how. I pictured a blank canvas in my mind and began adding elements as they arose and demanded to be added. Ultimately, I had created a clearing in an oaken forest with a stream burbling down one side with some very large rocks beside it. There is also a trail leading to a stone cottage with a thatched roof. The clearing is filled with bird songs, butterflies and other wildlife. I sit upon a flat rock and meditate, soaking in the sunlight and the peace that surrounds me there. When I am renewed, I rise and walk out of the clearing into my daily life.

If I simply need to run away for a wee while, I ascend to the attic of my mind, where I have created a dormer window and window seat that looks out over the fields and forests with a bubbling brook. There I curl up on the window seat and write a good book.

It is also possible for people to share their special place with others if they are close. If they build a sanctury together, they can both visit it, either at the same time or one at a time. It may take some time and effort to create your sanctuary, and even longer to create a place to share, but it is well worth the effort.

The Body Needs

2010-02-20T21:18:00.000-04:00

I have often heard that someone can not meditate because they can not still the mind or they go to sleep. Often this is because the body has needs that have not been met.
If you have tried all of the suggestions and they don't work, I am guessing that you are under a lot of stress and your body is running on empty. Try at bedtime and see if you get into a really good, refreshing sleep. If so, then use the meditation to obtain that good sleep for a few nights and see if you are better rested and can then stay awake while meditating.

The all over exercise is a good one to try to rejuvenate the body. Lie on your back, feet apart, hands across your abdomen and begin by relaxing, then start, with each indrawn breath, to mentally massage your body, beginning at the feet, one then the other. As you breathe in, bring relaxation and healing energy to that part of the body. As the breath goes out, picture illness or fatigue going out of you with it. As you work up your legs and onto the trunk, repeat the directing of relaxation and energy on the in breath, and expel the fatigue or illness on the out breath.
Don't worry if you go to sleep. The sleep will be a healing one. Just repeat the exercise on retiring each night. When you start mentally massaging problem areas, they may begin to feel warm as you direct the relaxation and healing energy to them. You may also find the body's energy centers responding to the meditation. Again, it is normal and will help you balance your body.

Many years ago, I had back surgery to remove the lowest disk in my spine. After the surgery, the area became unstable and I had to wear a back brace, which I put on before I got out of bed, and could not take off until I was in bed again. Morning and night, I would perform this meditation, spending extra time where the spine was damaged. The area often heated up during the meditation and I frequently went to sleep before reaching the top of my head. But even falling asleep, this particular meditation helped my spine to fuse in the damaged area and I was able to get rid of the brace. I still drag one leg a little when I am over tired, but no other problem with the area. I know it fused, as later x-rays showed it fused and the doctor asked me when I had the operation to fuse it. I had to show him there were no scars on my hip, which is where the bone would have been taken to brace the spine.

It is worth the effort to continue a meditation technique for some time before discarding it and taking up another technique. ☺

The Human Touch, Part Two (written in hospital)

2010-02-16T23:32:00.000-04:00

After exploring the loss of so much touch with a number of nurses, I realized how important to my personal healing and well being. Since that two AM stroking of my temples, which stopped me from a panic attack, I have received such warm loving touch, hugs and even a shower, my physical and mental healing are now more rapid and I can look forward to going home in another three or four days.

Continuing discussions about the roll of touch, particularly in a hospital situation, has convinced me that it is not gone completely, but much rarer. The risks are such that one needs to exercise caution, but not stop totally.

Because the greatest change is in the roll of the nurses, they are most aware and most disturbed by this loss of so much healing power. Many are looking for other venues in which to exercise healing touch. Some ideas I have heard involve blending eastern and western practices including touch, perhaps a whole new approach to treating the whole patient in a non-invasive way, including vitamins, minerals, wholesome foods, massage, acupuncture and other techniques as they prove to be useful.

With the number of nurses who are aware of and practice therapeutic touch, I believe new answers will be found, but we must be both vigilant and encouraging in order to support these new/old answers.

I would like to thank all those who shared their ideas and feelings with me, making it possible for me to write this article.

The Human Touch (written in hospital)

2010-02-16T23:10:00.002-04:00

Two AM in a darkened room, in a quiet and darkened hospital, sitting up in bed with a nurse, trying to breathe, suddenly another figure joins us and strokes my brow and temples, tells me she is glad to see me, but not like this.

That gentle, caring touch was the best medicine at the time, preventing panic, promoting relaxation. So much was conveyed in that touch. But as I think about it and savor the warm glow, I realize such touches, once so common, are now rare. We are losing something so necessary to our health and well being. It is the human condition to share love, caring, strength and healing through touch. Something very important is lost when touch happens only through the barrier of gloves and such. I suspect that touch involves the blending of auras, and perhaps even on some more esoteric level

When it becomes unsafe to touch, we are rapidly severing the connection with our own humanity. Over the past number of years, there have been so many super bugs, resistant to antibiotics, particularly in hospitals. Some have taken precautions to try and control infection by means of isolation units, hand sanitizing, gloves, masks, and control of visitors. Our local hospital did this, but I have watched it go from a small sanitizing station at the front entrance, to being so over run that there are boxes of gloves, hand sanitizers, masks and gowns at every patient room and up and down all the halls. There are so many sick people that isolation might simply involve one’s bed area being off limits to the person in the next bed.

As the traditional western healing centers become less effective, more and more people seek out those who practice t he ancient eastern arts including the human touch. Is there a solution? I don’t know. I do know that our world is changing so fast that none of us can predict the future with any level of accuracy.

The First Fifty Years

2009-12-23T18:32:00.001-04:00

I learned a great deal, at least I did once I started to examine my life and the events and people in it. Many of the lessons came with bumps and bruises to the ego, some were gentler.

I learned that forever is a very long time, and never is no shorter. When my daughter would tell me that she did not like a particular food, I said that she had to at least taste it. If she still did not like it, I said she does not like it TODAY and that is OK. As a result there is not much that she does not like. The last holdout was beets, and this year, she tasted them again and decided that she likes them TODAY. I take that with a smile and a warm spot in my heart.

When I met my SO and found him to be all that was missing in my life, I learned that there can be such a relationship in which each completes the other. The whole is more than the sum of the two parts. Suddenly, forever feels like such a short time.

I learned that we can all heal if we want or need to badly enough. When I lost a daughter at the age of five, I felt my life was over. I felt I would never smile again, but I still had another daughter and other responsibilities. For a long time, I went through the motions of living, cooking, cleaning, going to work, seeing to the physical needs of my family. Suddenly, one morning I saw the sunshine and smiled at a wee butterfly going about her business, and a bumble bee that was too damp from the night time dew to be able to take off and fly. I picked him up on a small wood chip and moved him to a sunny, but protected spot so he could dry out. Without realizing it, I had taken the first steps back to the land of the living.

I learned that I am a survivor. By putting one foot in front of the other I could survive until the open wound would scab over, and ultimately become a scar, never to be forgotten but no longer causing unbearable pain. I learned to have faith in myself.

I learned to shed the healing tears. When devastating events happen, I learned that I could talk to the trees, sit by running water, and let all the pain and grief wash over me. Cradled in the arms of Nature, I could let myself feel the full brunt of the pain, and the tears fall for as long as they wanted to. I call these the healing tears because allowing myself to shed them results in my being able to bear the pain, and come to terms with it in a much shorter time. With not suppressing or denying what I was going through, healing could begin. If I were to suppress the pain, it would come up and smack me in the face over and over again, each time, as devastating as the first.

I learned to " Be here now" . Yesterday is past and tomorrow has not yet come. I can only live in the Now. Life is so much richer when I pay attention to it.

Fifteen years into the next 50, it is shaping up to be just as challenging.

...Z

2009-12-22T20:06:00.003-04:00

Mom said I could use her computer to wish everyone a magical Christmas and a New Year filled with peace and joy.

During this most giving of all seasons, my heart goes out to all those who have nothing, whether furred, feathered, scaled or bare. They have the same needs as we who have loving families. If each of us does even one act of kindness through this season, think how much good we can do.

Personally, I have asked mom to hold back on my treats and give the $ to Santa. It makes a warm spot in my heart that does not need anyone to acknowledge.

Happy Holidays everyone, from Paco and family.

This is for you, Heather

2009-11-29T17:22:00.002-04:00

You never know when even the smallest kindness brightens another's day, or even restores their faith in human kindness. If we try each day to do even the smallest good thing, we could change the world.
　
I have again taken a hospital vacation. The local hospital staff know me well and treat me even better. The monotonous routine becomes boring quickly, with a lot of empty hours. In order to fill some of those hours and reduce the load on the already over-burdened nursing staff, I do as much of my own care as I can. It often takes me all morning to do my “washing up” but it does fill in the time and makes me feel useful.

About half way through my stay, my nurse of the day walked into my room and asked me if I would like a shower. Would I ever!!! She came back and collected me with a white PVC pipe minimalist chair with wheels. I sat down and held my feet yo, not quite knowing what to expect. We sped down the hall, around the corner and into a small room with a water proof floor and walls. All the shower fixtures were on one side of the room, and on the other side was a shelving unit with every product you can wish for.

My nurse donned a pair of rubber boots with white fish all over them, and proceeded to help me shower and wash my hair without getting my Trach at all wet. After turning the taps off, she helped me dry off, put on a robe and wrapped my hair in a towel. Then it was back in the shower chair and down the hall to my room. I put on clean everything, dried and combed my hair and had a nice nap.

I felt so much better about life, the universe and everything. I doubt that she knows what a great gift she gave me that day. I will not forget.

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

2009-07-03T19:09:00.002-03:00

Yesterday, today, tomorrow, a ladder we climb each day.

As your foot leaves the yesterday rung, it dissolves into mist. As your foot lands on today, it solidifies under you. As you reach for tomorrow, today becomes yesterday, disappearing into the mist just as tomorrow becomes today, revealing another rung just up from the one on which you are standing. Thus, you have only the platform of today on which to stand.

All the yesterdays have gone to form the platform of your life as it is today. The wisdom you have gained is now needed to balance that platform, the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual pillars. You take what you need from your past experiences and the wisdom you have gained and use it to adjust those pillars in order to provide a level platform on which to stand. This is a never ending adjustment process because life is not static. As each today becomes yesterday, we gain a little more understanding to guide us in the delicate process. Yesterday has done it's job and can not be altered.

As we reach for tomorrow, we do so standing on the platform of today. If it is out of balance, our upward reach will be clumsy and fraught with the danger of slipping off the platform. Once we have achieved a relatively stable platform, we can reach for tomorrow with confidence, and release our grip on the rung of today as it begins to dissolve into the mist of the past.

Any attempt to step back from the brink of tomorrow results in having us clinging to the ladder with all our might, unable to move forward or backward. Fear has entered our lives, fear of losing what we may already have, fear of the unknown future, fear of making an error in judgment, fear of .....................

To walk this path takes incredible courage, to do so well takes incredible wisdom.

I wish you both

Forgiveness

2009-06-20T21:17:00.002-03:00

Forgiveness is very hard to do, it is right up there with I'm sorry. In fact I think it may be harder to forgive than to apologize, but it can be done. It has to be learned if we do not want to go through life with a heart full of bitterness and anger. It does not mean that we forget totally. The open wound does heal and become a scar. The scar is always there but it no longer hurts. Many things wound us over the years, and we must learn to let those wounds heal, for our own benefit if not for others.

Again, meditation can be of great benefit when we are clearing out the old pains and angers. In order to be healthy, we have to be aware of our emotions and work through the negative ones, replacing them with understanding and forgiveness.

Below is an article that I saved some time ago which I believe is useful..

Why Should I Forgive?

Think of forgiveness as a gift that you give to yourself. It is not something you do for the person who hurt you. It is a gift to yourself because it enables you to stop feeling painful feelings and pushing others away. Forgiveness frees you from anger and allows you to restore your ability to have close and satisfying relationships with others.

Anger is a poisonous emotion that comes from being hurt. When you are consumed with anger and bitterness, it hurts you at least as much as it hurts the person who has harmed you. It is as if you are filled with poison. If these feelings are not resolved, they can begin to eat you up inside. You have two choices: to stay connected to the person who hurt you by keeping these poisonous feelings alive, or to let the feelings go and forgive the person who harmed you. When you withhold forgiveness, think about who is actually being hurt. It is more than likely that the person who is filled with anger and anxiety is you, not the other person.

What Forgiveness Is Not

Forgiving another does not mean you will never again feel the pain or remember the thing that hurt you. The hurtful experience will be in your memory forever. By forgiving, you are not pretending the hurtful behavior never happened. It did happen. The important thing is to learn from it while letting go of the painful feelings.

Forgiveness is not about right or wrong. It doesn’t mean that the person’s behavior was okay. You are not excusing their behavior or giving permission for the behavior to be repeated or continued.

When you forgive another, it does not mean you wish to continue your relationship with them. This is a separate decision. You can forgive a person and live your life apart from them.
Forgiveness can only take place because we have the ability to make choices. This ability is a gift that we can use it whenever we wish. We have the choice to forgive or not to forgive. No other person can force us to do either

http://www.creativecounselors.com/articles/forgive.htm

Forgiveness (response)

2009-06-20T21:07:00.004-03:00

This was written in February 2008 in response to a question about how and why one should forgive.

When we have been deeply hurt, we don't tend to ever forget, but we can forgive those who have harmed us. In fact, for our own benefit we must find a way. This forgiveness does not come easily.

When we can look beyond the pain they have caused us and see that they deserve pity more than anger, we can move on knowing that they have harmed themselves more than us. We will also come to the realization that our anger is hurting us more than the original wound. The wound can heal, but the aggravation caused by the constant blaming and anger are keeping the wound open and even causing an infection that could well destroy any hope for our happiness in this life time. It is impossible to move on while clinging to the hurts of the past.

An in depth analysis of why you are hurt and angry can give you a starting place to begin the healing process. These need to be "I feel" statements, not "you made me" statements. If you find yourself becoming defensive, you can be sure you have not forgiven. The blame game was invented to protect us from taking responsibility for our own actions. Unfortunately it also protects us from healing and moving on in life. Nothing happens in a vacuum. We need to accept that it takes two to make or break a relationship and if it is broken we must accept some of the responsibility, even if it is only that we failed to read the signs until it was too late.

When we get to a point that we can look at the person who hurt us with compassion and not blame or resentment, we are in danger of internalizing the blame and in effect, absolving the other person...with statements like "I should have seen it coming. I should have tried harder. I should never have trusted." and so on. Notice that these are "I" messages, but they are negative messages. Try "I did the best I could. I should learn from the experience and take that knowledge with me into any new relationship." Since we are human we all make mistakes, we just need to try to not make the same ones over again. In order to do this, it is necessary to reach beyond the ego and forgive it as a parent would a child.

When dealing with the emotions of the ego, meditation is a way of going beyond the ego and seeing ourselves as the spiritual beings we are. When trying to understand and rise above some negative emotions the problem can be taken into meditation and a solution is often found there. You might try a "Why am I ...." meditation in which you could start by asking yourself why you are angry and waiting patiently for an answer to form in your mind. When it is done, it will probably not be the true root of the problem right away. If you know this to be true, you can dismiss the answer you have found and again ask yourself why you are .... whatever the first answer was. This method can scare up some surprising answers and help us farther along our path. You might even try free association with pencil and paper. Again, much can be learned from keeping an honest journal. It need not be written in every day, but record the circumstances when an event or emotion arises.

So much of what we learn is intuitive and not easily translated into words. It would be wonderful to sit down over coffee and engage in true one on one conversation, but c'est la vie. It would also help if we could develop a shared vocabulary between man and woman in order to share our feelings and be met with understanding. We will try to work on that one.

More on Rotten Potato, in response to a comment

2009-06-20T21:05:00.000-03:00

I know this is a very large problem in our society, and there are far too few solutions. All I can really comment on is my own experiences and those that I saw.

One thing that made a difference for me was the fact I had major responsibilities and had to continue as if I were still alive. When we pretend something is so for long enough, it becomes so and after quite a long while, I found myself coming to life again.

With that, I realized I did not want to pass on the pain and dysfunction to my children and began to attempt my own recovery.

The journey back begins with forgiveness, or at leas the attempt at it. We need to keep trying until we get it right. I did not find any benefit in self help groups because it felt more like a "complain and be vindicated" session. Recognition of the problem seemed to come with permission for any behavior I chose to exhibit. There was recognition but no road map to get back to normalcy.

Another thing that helps to recreate one's self is to be of service to others. When we try to help others, we are suddenly outside ourselves, able to move past the pain and numbness to offer simple human acceptance to another. The very act of helping others helps us as well. We are all teachers, we are all students. When we get outside ourselves we realize we are not the only one who feels a particular way, and seeing our emotions mirrored back to us allows us to begin working through them. I think this was the original purpose of self help groups, but few of them accomplish this goal.

I have previously written on forgiveness and will repost here. I would also like to post this response on the body of my blog as you raise real issues that are also experienced by many others.

Rotten Potato

2009-06-15T23:51:00.001-03:00

None of us grow up totally unscarred by events of our childhood. Most of us adjust our world view to allow us to shed these events and become fairly well adjusted adults. If painful events carry on into young adulthood, it is harder to become or stay well adjusted, but it is still possible to overcome the negativity, take charge of ourselves, and proceed to build a satisfying life. The secret seems to be to take control of our selves and how we relate to the world around us. We are not able to control all the circumstances or events in our lives, but we can control our own role, how we act, react and view life. The old saw of "Life is what you make it" is true but I would add "Life is how you see it."

Sometimes events are so traumatic that the person shows the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder and needs help to get beyond it. The help can be very effective but there are too many instances where the help is misdirected. Although self help groups are often successful, I have seen many instances where all that is accomplished is to lead the person to blame their own behavior on past injuries, emotional or physical. This traps the person in a situation where there is no responsibility for their actions or their place in life. Instead of growing into a realization that they can control their way of being in the world, they learn that it is always someone else’s fault. They opt out, and pay a heavy price for this. As time goes by, the pack of anger, resentment and helplessness grows bigger, often to the point that there are no happy times in their life at all.

Even when they wish to recover and move on, it is not easy. The first step in moving on is to let go of the anger, resentment and helplessness in order to claim themselves and their lives. Being master of self is true power. In order to do so, it is necessary to bring closure, usually by forgiveness. Forgiveness is not given for the benefit of those who have wronged us, it is for our own benefit. Finding out what forgiveness is can be incredibly daunting and may require a long and intense search. Then it is necessary to determine how to bring it about. One can understand mentally all that is involved in forgiveness, and still not feel in their heart how to make it happen.

With time and effort, all may fall into place and create the “aha” moment, that moment when we realize that we no longer harbor ill will toward those who have hurt us and who we have made a career of hating. I have heard the experience described as having the sensation of a scab falling off... the flesh underneath being finally healed enough to fend for itself… Natures band aid. All the struggling suddenly feeling unnecessary … it happened when it was “time”. Actually the understanding was the result of the entire struggle that went before. It now becomes possible to root out that rotten potato that was poisoning the whole life and actually feel so light that one has the sensation of floating just above the ground when walking in the world.

I wrote Earthbound many years ago, when I had to learn to forgive in order to allow my own life to go on and to continue growing. I have been on this path all my life and it has not been easy. Sometimes I felt it was impossible but I found a way. For me, understanding came while I was watching a sunbeam dancing on a dew covered spider web. The struggle to be free showed me that I had to free myself or end up stuck in that spider web for life, never learning, never growing, never continuing on my path in this life.

The one tool that was the most helpful for me was meditation. It allowed me to get in touch with my inner strength and find solace when I felt my life was at it’s lowest ebb. I am not sure I would have had the strength without it.

Earthbound
A man once said “Come fly with me.”
And though I wanted honestly
To join him in the sky and soar,
I was earthbound by the pack I wore.
I could not leave my pack behind
For it contained this past of mine,
Remnants kept for security,
And I must plod through eternity.
Strewn along my plodding way
Other packs I found each day
‘Till yesterday, I heaved a sigh,
Shrugged off mine, and began to fly.

Personal Power

2009-06-15T23:12:00.000-03:00

"Be careful not to convince yourself that you are doing something against your will. Such a thing is impossible."

I am master of my own life. That is my personal power. I choose what I do, how I act or react to circumstances, what I choose to think or feel, whether I am optimistic or pessimistic. Not all my choices are good, sometimes I have to choose the least negative of my options. But the choice is mine.

Lack of understanding of this law causes people to do things they would not normally do. What comes to mind immediately is the hold some people seem to hold over others. Because a person believes they are at the mercy of another persons' will, they will allow themselves to do as the other wants.

When we understand that we are responsible for our own actions and for what we allow to influence us, such things as black magic and voodoo loose their power over us. Even minor influences are negated. We can not be made to do anything against our will. We can even conquer fear. That is true power! We truly become a master, we have gained mastery over ourselves. It is ultimately the only power and the only mastery that counts.

There is a small experiment to see how easily we can let others affect us when we do not know that we are in control. We give away that control on the subconscious level without even knowing it. If you tell someone that they are looking a little ill, and reinforce it a few times, that person can actually convince themselves they are ill. If that person knows they are in control, your comments will not affect them.

Three Years

2009-04-05T14:11:00.001-03:00

Three Years

On Monday, it will have been three years since I expired in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. I will also turn sixty-five this year. Since I was never expected to live to the ripe old age of fifty, every moment of every day is precious.

Having come back through the mist more than once, people often say that I have so much strength, so much determination, but that is not the bottom line. That is not exactly what has brought me back repeatedly and what keeps me here. I believe it was and is courage, the courage to accept the love that is offered to me and to trust that love to hold me safe.

There is a reason, a purpose that keeps me coming back. I believe part of that reason is to share my Journey, to show others the beauty I see, to give hope where I can. Even when we have to struggle to live this life, not just to exist but to embrace all that life has to offer, there are moments of such sheer beauty that can sustain us. These magic moments are sometimes so fleeting that we can miss them if we are not living in the moment.

One such moment in my life happened a few years ago while driving along the east coast of Nova Scotia. It was early summer and a beautiful sunny day. We rounded a corner and glimpsed a small marshy area with a mass of pink water lilies. We stopped to find ourselves with a sea of pink on the left and a small bay on the right. The bay was lined with stones worn smooth by the pounding of the waves rolling them back and forth against each other. Standing there between two very different but very powerful faces of nature brought tears to my eyes. I was humbled by such beauty. My feeling was similar to that of deep meditation, a connectedness with All That Is.

When I contemplate such things as the great whales who cruise the oceans keeping their secrets to themselves, or the migration of every fourth generation of the tiny Monarch butterfly, I am in awe.

This is a poem that for me, captures that sense of wonder.

High Flight by John Gillespie Magee, RCAF, 1920-1939

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth,
And danced the skies on laugher-silvered wings;
Sunward, I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds, - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of – wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there,
I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air...

Up, up the long delirious, burning blue
I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace,
Where never lark, or even eagle flew –
And, while with silent, lifting mind I’ve trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the Face of God.

Inside Out

2009-03-18T15:39:00.003-03:00

The tears roll down my face.
They don’t have my permission.
Outside, my pain is written
In the water on my cheeks.
Outside, my body reflects
The state of the outer me.
The ocean of life cradles my soul,
Deep where no one can see.
Inside, the blows are cushioned
By a sea of tranquility.
Inside, my soul reflects
The state of the inner me.
So if you see me crying,
If you think you see despair
Don’t let concern for the outside
Blind your eyes to the inner life.
Remember that reflections
Are not cast from
The inside out.

The Lonely Seeker

2009-03-16T15:26:00.001-03:00

Traveling along my own path, I look to the left and the right, seeking a glimpse of others traveling their paths near my own. The loneliness at times is palpable, and the need to see a friendly face, struggling along as I am, is an ache in my soul. There are familiar faces which I have glimpsed in the past and even conversed with occasionally, but none are in sight now.

Suddenly, I see arms and legs flailing in the air. A familiar traveling companion on a nearby path, having tripped over a snag, thrashes around like a tortoise on it's back. I recall my own stumbles and falls, and my heart goes out to this fellow traveler. I reach across, but I can not quite make contact. Knowing the loneliness that afflicts all seekers, I settle down and wait, offering reassurance that the only constant in this life is "Change", sharing my own experiences in the hope that such sharing will give some comfort, some faith that "this too will pass".

As I sit offering companionship in silence, I see my traveling companion slowly stop struggling, and begin to gather strength. His struggle is reflected in the lines upon his face and the bruises on his heart. But slowly, I see hope begin to transform his face, and a subtle glow emanate from his form. As his struggling stills, he begins to see his path, his purpose, again. Strength flows from the Creator into his heart, healing the terrible wounds he suffered while fighting to rise up and trudge forward on his own.

Rising up, he turns to acknowledge my presence and begins to offer thanks, I must stop him and remind him that he has done the same for many, and no thanks are needed. The peace and confidence that suffuses his face is thanks enough, the knowledge that he will continue to offer a helping hand as the Creator has helped him renews my confidence.

As I stand, ready to take up my own Journey once again, I smile. The companionship I wished for stands so near, just out of reach but close enough!

More on Soul Mates

2008-12-27T14:56:00.003-04:00

After reading about Soul Mates, a friend asked me a logical question. Since it is possible to trace our DNA back for multiple generations, how does reincarnation fit into this? Have we repeatedly incarnated in the same blood line, or different ones altogether?

The body is the home of the soul here on earth for the length of the incarnation. The human body is made from the elements of the earth. Each body is newly made for the soul personality who will inhabit it.

Think of a house that is worn out. The occupant vacates and the house is demolished. A contractor comes along and uses any good materials in the new house he builds. An occupant is found and moves in. There is not necessarily any connection between the old and the new occupant at all. The new house contains what has gone before, but it is still a new house. The previous occupant of the old house may well have chosen a new house in the familiar neighbourhood or they may have chosen to find a new house in a totally different neighbourhood or even a new country, depending on what the occupant wants to experience in the new house.

The soul is eternal, the body is finite, but each is made from the elements of the old. Although there is no physical connection between the body and the soul who inhabits it, we often reincarnate near each other in time and place. When we meet others who have travelled with us through a number of incarnations, there is a knowing that transcends the physical, an instant deep connection that can be felt even over the internet.

Over time, we may well have been father, mother, child, spouse or friend to each other over multiple incarnations. That is basically why soul mate and life's mate are seldom the same thing. When they are, we are incredibly blessed.

My Christmas Wish for All

2008-12-21T16:02:00.000-04:00

This season always makes my mind turn to those who have no family to celebrate with. Our society has become very mobile and families scatter across the globe, so even those with family are unable to spend the holidays in the warmth of caring family. We who have been blessed with so much love and caring need to share with those less fortunate. I do not mean to give to the food banks or toy drives. These things are important and we need to give to them, but we need to give of ourselves as well.

There is a great need for more mature people to adopt the young people as well as little children. There is also a need to adopt those of your own age who do not have extended family. It works out well for both parties, at least I feel it does. I treasure my extended family by choice, mutual choice. Some are soul mates, with whom I have shared previous lives, some are new to me but I am sure will travel together in future and some are connected for only this lifetime. There are also some who I will not see in person in this life but have formed a tight bond over the internet and some who will visit my life for a short time only. All are priceless treasures.

Don't be afraid to reach out and to respond when others reach out to you. You have much to give and much to learn, both ... we all do. We are all teachers and we are all students. We are all needed. The Creator does not waste, so you can be sure that what you have learned will be of great benefit to others. Your courage, your great desire to do right, your loving heart, all equip you to be of service to the One. We all have a particular path to walk and the tools to do so. Don't forget that.

My Christmas wish for all is that the love and joy of the season is shared with those who need it most.

With Love and Companionship on the Journey
...Z

Soul Mate

2008-12-13T22:34:00.002-04:00

People often spend a lifetime searching for their soul mate without an understanding of what a soul mate actually is. As a result, their search is often futile.

In order to grow we must seek true understanding of the words we so blithely banter around. So many people don't do this and a new and improper definition evolves. A perfect example of this happening is the use of the word "avatar".

Original meaning

Definition of Avatar - Spiritual meaning and purpose of avatar
The title Avatar describes a fully freed soul incarnating directly from God on this physical planet or elsewhere. An Avatar fulfills a highly spiritual task in the name of God and returns to God after accomplishing his task. His Love for God and his creation is beyond description and imagination, his faith in God absolute as there is no difference between an Avatar and God.

Avatars are rarely in populated areas and prefer to act in a quiet retreat to peacefully fulfill their task. One of their task often is to teach guru's or potential Gurus, to assure the continuity of God's Divine plan in his creation.

There are but a very few avatars at the same time incarnated - usually only one. There are no Avatar-courses or Avatar-workshops, these are inventions of mankind's fantasy and desire to abuse even the most sacred values for profit. An Avatar always learns from God and never has any other Guru. Only God can be his Guru.

Purpose of an Avatar. By his nature an Avatar leads an entire culture home to God while a Guru leads a number of individual disciples to God.

http://www.kriyayoga.com/english/encyclopedia/avatar.htm

Current usage.

An avatar is a computer user's representation of himself/herself or alter ego, whether in the form of a three-dimensional model used in computer games, ...en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avatar_(computing) - 58k - Cached - Similar pages

Having been on my own personal Journey for most of my life, I was very familiar with the original meaning. While I was not looking the word changed so much that I could not comprehend, and actually felt it was a kind of sacrilegious usage. For different reasons Soul mate has gone through a similar transformation. When people are unaware of their own spiritual selves, and assume that the earthly existence is all we have, then they put all their hopes into finding that perfect mate. The perfect earthly mate may not be the perfect soul mate. One applies to only this physical existence for however long this life lasts, the other applies to someone who is so close to us that the connection transcends this earthly life and is a part of our true selves.

If we are very blessed, we may reunite with a soul mate in this life. They could be in the form of a partner, relative, friend, a stranger .... whatever. When we come into contact with such soul mates in this life, there is an instant attraction, a sense of déjà vu, a desire to know this person and to have them in our lives in whatever guise they wear in this temporary existence. Because soul personalities tend to reincarnate in a similar time frame, we can meet more than one brother or sister of the soul.

In my own case, I have been extremely blessed by having reconnected with more than one of the soul personalities that travel in a similar time frame as I do. I have actually written about the two sisters of my soul who came and gave me the strength to come back through the mist. Before that incident we had never met in person, only known each other over the internet. The connection we felt was deep and instant. When I first met one of my sisters of the soul in person, she walked into my arms and it felt like we had known each other forever. When the third sister was able to join us in person last summer, the experience was the same for all three of us. When we met in person, it also became obvious that my DH is also part of this transcendent group.

I would wish that everyone could meet at least one of their travelling companions.

Death is Not the Enemy

2008-12-12T17:42:00.000-04:00

Death Is Not the Enemy

Fear is. Having crossed through the mist on more than one occasion, I can vouch for the fact that it is a normal part of living.

Pain is generated by illness or injury to the body, which is the temple of the soul in this world. Suffering is caused by desire, clinging to the things of this world, attachment to specific outcomes. Fear is usually caused by the unknown or by a feeling that we will lose what worldly things we have. Fear is also responsible for adding to our suffering.

Understanding and acceptance are lights we can cast into the darkest recesses of our minds and fear and suffering will flee before them. But if we do not grow, we will remain in that dark place of suffering and fear.

Birth and death are normal events in the process we call living. Both are inescapable and rightly so. If we were to avoid these events, spiritual growth would be severely limited. We choose the circumstances of each birth for the potential of experiencing what we need for our continued growth. At death we are able to evaluate our progress and choose the circumstances of the next birth. All things follow a rhythm of birth and death and rebirth.

The Journey is long and speed is not a necessity. It is more important to strive to be aware of the Journey itself, to see the opportunities for growth that appear in our lives. Just as physical evolution happens over a long period of time, spiritual evolution happens over many lifetimes. We must be patient with ourselves. When we fall short of our own expectations, and we will, we need to be gentle with ourselves rather than condemn ourselves for our perceived short comings.

When we take our first trembling steps on this Journey Into Being, we may become disheartened by what we see as slow progress, or no progress at all. However when we persevere, taking our baby steps as best we can, it becomes easier. As we learn the basics and grow stronger, the Journey becomes easier, not easy, but easier. Progress requires striving, but it does not require suffering, or fear. As we learn more, our suffering and fear will ease up and the path becomes easier to follow.

There are tools that we can use to help us in our striving. Learning what we can about the many paths that people follow will help us to define our own path. Meditation helps us to clarify our aims and dissipate the stress we are under in our daily lives. It also helps us to connect with the spirit within us all.

With love and companionship on the Journey

Bittersweet

2008-12-10T16:55:00.000-04:00

Bitter Sweet This season is so bad for so many people. It is a bitter-sweet time, with celebrating Christmas and remembering those who have passed before us and those who are fighting for their lives, more so now and in the Spring than any other time. Don't forget to allow yourself time and privacy to shed the tears that heal, holding them back causes a scalding pain that is only relieved by allowing yourself to grieve. I have always found it better to go into the pain and through it to the other side than to try to stifle it and shove it back to be dealt with later. I have also always found being by the water to be comforting and healing. We also have to remember the good things of the Season and be sure to make new memories each year. I wish I could package and send every one of you a sample of the smells in my kitchen right now. My daughter by choice spent yesterday and today with me, doing our Christmas baking together. We are far from done, but the smells and the camaraderie and the joy and laughter are so thick you could cut and serve it. Pity I can not share it as I would like. When my health deteriorated to the point that I can no longer do all the things I used to, I thought my life was over, but I have learned that the old skills and knowledge and stories from another time are also valuable and I can make memories for children that will last them a life time. I can share the magic, and help it to go on and on. I don't need to be physically fit to do this, I only need the will and desire to share. How many of us think that we have reached a point where we are no longer worthy of love and able to contribute to our families, friends and society in general? I did, but have learned so much since then. I have learned that it is important to share myself, not just my efforts. I have learned that people enjoy spending time with me, even if they have to do almost all the work of baking (or anything else) but they value my spirit, my knowledge and lore. Tomorrow morning the girls (ages 8 and 6) will join us for the first of two cookie baking days. This one will be peanut butter cookies and the other one will be ginger snaps. Both batters hold up well to a lot of mauling and still taste great. Both have no egg so our allergic members will not get sick.
Written November 2006
We are in the middle of a snow storm that threatens a foot or more of snow and the girls are going to cut their tree down this evening. Can you think of anything more magical? How many of us know older people who are basically alone in this season but have a wealth of history and experience that they would be so very pleased to share if anyone stopped to notice that they are worthy of attention and consideration. How many of us know a lot of the old ways that we could bring a little of it back into our lives and the lives of our families. Someone told me they were going to take their young brother to a shelter to serve Christmas Dinner with him. The idea of teaching children the value of giving, and particularly giving of themselves is wonderful. Something that is done here, that might be possible in other communities....most small communities have senior citizen residences or nursing homes, where there are elderly people who have outlived their families and really have no visitors or very few. When baking, a lot of us make extra to take to the home for their Christmas dinners. It is usually pretty easy to find out what kind of baking would be most appreciated. Do the schools do anything special with the kids for Christmas? Old fashioned decorations? Pine cone expeditions? Old stories? Any of that? I know that many of them do not get any of the magic at home anymore because the parents do not have it to give. I do not know where the fault lies, in my generation or the next one? but somehow the chain has been broken. We can not make it whole again, but we can mend it enough to give the little ones a chance to see that there is something more, and maybe they will seek it out when they are grown. Sometimes the schools have programs where kids can visit an older person and get to know them in these homes. Sort of a surrogate grandparent thing. It helps the senior and it helps the kids. When kids grow up without contact with the elderly, they almost seem to fear them, or at least the aging process. I wish you all the joys of the season, and the desire to try something old! PS: My granddaughters by choice had a wonderful tree fetching expedition in the middle of the snow storm. Their dad sneaked ice cream and cones into the back of the truck before they went to the woods and after cutting their tree, they had ice cream in the snow. Solo

I Forgot Revisited

2008-12-10T16:53:00.000-04:00

January 2007
I had a minor melt-down after the car left us stranded in Bridgewater before Christmas and when it did so again just before New Year's Eve, the melt-down was more severe. It just all got to be too much and I was flooded with a feeling of helplessness that I haven't felt in well over 30 years.
The chimney still needs to be fixed, the kitchen roof needs to be replaced, the barn and shanty need to be torn down for safety reasons. The car problem is intermittent and we can not find what it is so it is not dependable, and our locked in financial situation has no solution. I just could not see a way out. However, one at a time, solutions are being presented to each problem.
In being so involved in the here and now, I forgot that when I do everything I can to be the best person I can be, the Cosmos looks after my needs. It certainly does not provide everything I would like, but it has always looked after what I needed, often just in the nick of time, but I have always had enough to eat, a roof over my head and clothes to wear, in addition to being blessed with so much love and caring.
Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus.
December 11th, 2008
and my, how things have changed. For a start, I am still here and holding my own against all odds.
The miracles since I wrote the above piece are staggering. So often we dismiss the good things, the miracles, and dwell on the negative, sitting on our pity pots in the dark, not realizing we can get off the pot, open the door and walk out into the sunshine.
The chimney has been fixed. The roof has been fixed. Almost all of the materials from the fallen barns are gone. We have a new used vehicle which works very well. I have an electric scooter which allows me more freedom. We were able to go to Quebec in July to spend some time with two ladies who are very, very important to me. We have obtained new financing which will sustain us for some time to come.
Eve after all these years, I still forget to count my blessings, and return to my pity pot far too often.

The Smile

2008-12-02T16:22:00.004-04:00

It seems that once I start writing, I can not pass a keyboard.

The Price of Christmas

While watching the Food Channel the other day, I saw a commercial talking about bringing back the magic of Christmas. Before the smile could reach my lips, it continued to advertise a musical gingerbread house for $19.95 as well as singing snowmen, snow globes and other items available at a special price when you buy Hallmark cards.

The magic of Christmas has a price tag and it is $19.95.

A Simpler Time

I have been blessed with the opportunity of experiencing rural life as it was a hundred years ago. My grandparents were second generation settlers in rural north-central Ontario. They spent their adult lives farming, hunting, trapping and making whatever they needed. Use it up, fix it up, throw it out, do without.

In their old age, they moved to the edge of town into a house that the town council had built for my great-grandmother. She had been the first white woman to settle in the area. There was no electricity, no plumbing, and no water on the property. I spent my earliest years with them.

Crossroads

We are at a crossroads. The fate of our world depends on what we do now. The forty nation summit is a first and hopefully the first step in uniting our whole world in a common goal, that of saving our earth and saving ourselves in the process.

We can not go back to a simpler time but if we all co-operate, perhaps we can create a world where ninety percent of the world’s wealth is not in the hands of ten percent of its people, a world that does not wage war in the name of peace, and a safe world we can be proud to raise our children in.

Are we prepared to give up many of the luxuries we have here in the west and work with the emerging nations to improve their standard of living? We also need to make sure that everyone knows our opulent lifestyle can no longer be supported, and obtain the agreement of the third world countries that they can not aim for what we now have.

All must be equalized. We need to reduce our requirements at the same time others accept that they can not achieve what we are relinquishing for the good of the planet. If not, no one will have a comfortable life style. Technology has achieved a life of it’s own, evolving faster than our resources can keep up.

And then I watched the Suzuki Diaries and the smile came back.

Dichotomy

2008-11-30T16:25:00.001-04:00

A recent comment here set me to thinking and clarifying my opinion.

I believe in both destiny and free will. A bit of a dichotomy, I realize, but we do have free will within the landscape we have chosen for a particular lifetime. I believe we choose the circumstances of each birth, depending on what we need to learn, or to contribute to the world. That is the map we are born with. That is destiny. Within this map, we may choose to go anywhere. We may follow the course we ourselves set, or we can change how we react in our world. That is free will.

For instance, I am a Caucasian Canadian living in the world as it is in the 20th and 21st centuries. I may act in any way I wish to events and circumstances in my life. I can try to live a life that helps to make the world a wee bit better place for my having been here, or I can ride rough shod over anyone in my way in order to get whatever I desire. I will also reap the rewards or punishments for the life I choose to live.

However, even if I wished it with all my heart, I can not become an Australian aboriginal, or a native of India, or change the birth circumstances I have chosen. I may well have chosen or will choose a different life map in another lifetime, but not in this one. I have already made those choices.

So, yes I do believe in destiny and I believe in free will. I also believe that "truth" evolves for each person. Our truth is the only true at a given point in our Journey. As we evolve in our spiritual understanding our truth changes with it. Growth requires struggle of a sort. We need to make an effort to rise above the easy path. The free will we have allows us to choose the easy way, the baser instincts, or to take the high road. There is nothing to force us to grow in any given lifetime. The choice is always ours.

As always, we learn from all that makes us think, and you make me think. It is the the comments that challenge our understanding which facilitates our growth. Thank you all for helping me grow.

Alone for the Holidays

2008-11-29T19:09:00.001-04:00

My heart aches when family moves on and one is left alone on holidays.

My family has become much smaller over the years. Here in Nova Scotia, there is only my daughter and her partner. In Ontario where I come from, there is only my sister and her husband. Papatoes' parents are both gone, but he has found a sister and her family in New Brunswick. As you know, I have a large family "by choice" which makes the holidays more boisterous and full of love and new life. There is even a new granddaughter on her way early in the new year.

With so many families fracturing and scattering all over the world, it becomes even more important to have such chosen family. We of the older generation become surrogate grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles and so on. It allows us to pass on some of what we have learned over the years, as well as providing a semblance of the old extended family for those without.

One of my fondest activities before Christmas is getting together with the little ones and doing baking for the holidays. The girls are so proud of what they have made and I have the opportunity to share.It is my firm conviction that our future rests in the hands of our children and if we do not invest in their upbringing, who will?

The Pity Tree

2008-11-29T19:06:00.000-04:00

I was released from Intensive Care in the morning of Christmas Eve, 2005. Since my fate was rather unclear during that time, no real arrangements had been made for Christmas at home.

We always put our tree up and decorated it very close to Christmas since we keep it up until New Year's Day, which is not the same as the local tradition of erecting and decorating the tree around the end of November.
My DH and daughter scrambled to do a month's worth of preparations in one afternoon. They took off to find a tree lot that had any trees left at all. No success, but with hope they visited a distant neighbor who grows trees and usually has them for sale in his front yard as well as his wholesale business. All trees had been sold but he had banked his house with leftover trees and trimmings. He gave them one of them, a short, spindly, sad looking tree ..................... but our "pity tree" was the most beautiful tree ever, and they told me I was the best gift ever.

Each year the tree is the best ever, the food the most delicious ever, and the love in our home always feels like it is the most ever. I pray that each and every one has the opportunity to experience such blessings.

The Magic of Christmas

2008-11-29T18:58:00.003-04:00

With the current economic crisis, Christmas this year will be difficult for more families than usual. I wrote this after Christmas 2005, when I returned from hospital on Christmas Eve. I was not able to either orchestrate or participate in the preparations for Christmas.Making Christmas.

Regardless of whether Christmas is a religious festival or a simple gathering and celebration of love and family unity, the important thing is to celebrate it in a way that brings joy to all involved. Almost all religions have a Celebration around this time of year, and even if one is not religious, my partner tells me that there is a winter festival called Festivus, which is the Festival For The Rest Of Us.

After all these years, a set of circumstances and a lot of contemplation brought me to the conclusion that the ability to make Christmas is not built into the genes, it is a learned skill, usually learned in the bosom of a family who makes Christmas as their elders did for generations, with updates on techniques, of course. Those who did not grow up under such circumstances, find it very hard to learn how to make Christmas. They have probably always gone looking for Christmas at friends and more distant relatives homes, or grown up hating Christmas.

For the first time this year, a whole series of stray thoughts fell together to create a picture of how Christmas is made. I have a very dear friend who never experienced really celebrating Christmas growing up, who has a hard time figuring out how to make the Holidays a season of love and joy. He used to get up in the morning and after breakfast, go visiting to find Christmas. Now in his older years, he has found himself in the position of having to struggle with making Christmas.With no memories of warm caring rituals, such as making special foods and meals, car rides to look at the lights, finding and decorating the tree as a family, or the fun and anticipation of having the family all together at this season, or picking and wrapping gifts he hopes will delight the recipient, he is at a loss as how to start making Christmas his own.

I grew up in the country, in a very financially poor family, however we did go all out to celebrate Christmas in the best way we knew how. We cut and dragged in our own tree, set it up in a pail of rocks and added guy wires so it would not fall over. We made popcorn garland, white tissue paper icicles, tinfoil glitter, and wood and pinecone ornaments, with a few treasured glass ones saved from year to year. We made fruit cake, aged it for 3 months in air tight tins and made cookies and special pancake breakfasts and a turkey for Christmas Dinner, the biggest one we could get so there would be leftovers for weeks. I no longer follow that particular tradition.

I don't believe it matters what the traditions are, as long as they are family traditions, filled with loving memories to be recreated each year along with the current year's tree, trimmings and new traditions.When my children were small, we made decorating the house a big deal, with every nook and cranny filled with glittering decorations, saved from year to year. As they grew, the amount of decorating was reduced until now, in my later years, we still do the tree, some table and wall decorations, and a small outside decoration at the door to welcome people in. Even when lights became available for both tree and outdoor use, it did not really appeal to me as growing up there were no lights. We now have lights on the tree, but still do not do the outdoor lights. We do, however always go for a car tour to look at all the outside lights that people put up and when we can, take pictures of the major displays. I always feel like a small child, eyes wide in wonder at all the light and color. I almost have to come home and put Alka-Seltzer in my eyes to calm the optical indigestion of having done so much looking.

In the natural progression of things, the children grow up, move away from home, but come home for the holidays with great anticipation of recreating the magic that was Christmas in their youth. When they marry, they blend the traditions of both families, to begin a new tradition of their own, and often spend Christmas Day with one family and Boxing Day with the other. Then when a new generation of children comes along, the young people begin having their own Christmas Celebration at home with the children, inviting the grandparents to come and participate, seeing the magic and wonder through eyes of children once more. At that point, the older generation has done its work and can sit back, do minimal decorating, minimal cooking then spend extra hours finding just the right thing to tickle the grandchildren on Christmas Morning.

As we age, the other thing that happens is that we lose loved ones from year to year, making Christmas a bitter-sweet time, a time of remembering those who have passed on as well as a time of making new memories for the younger generation. How we handle this will determine how the new generation handles it in future, so even this is an important part of the Christmas Tradition that we make.

Those who have children and do not know how to make Christmas, owe it to the next generation to find out, figure out, look around, whatever has to be done to learn to make Christmas, with new traditions, new rituals, new family processes that can be used to make Christmas for the children. There is a huge buffet of rituals out there to choose from if being totally creative is too difficult. If this is not done, they will not know how to do it when they grow up and the rituals of either hating the whole Holiday season or having to go to their friend's homes to find the Christmas Spirit are perpetuated.

May you all have a wonderful Holiday season and the New Year bring joy, health and success in all you do.

The Christmas Tree

2008-11-29T18:57:00.000-04:00

You do know the important stuff .... and I am sure you will make new traditions with the kids as well as continue old ones that bring back happy memories for you. I would be delighted to read about your preparations, traditions and successful activities. We all learn by sharing and to share traditions helps others to find new traditions.

Getting the Christmas tree brings a smile to my face because it was always a big deal with us. Our daughter would go with her dad to choose the perfect tree. Sometimes it would be to a tree lot set up on some corner, sometimes a trip to the woods to choose just the right one, etc. Each tree had a story of it's own. My fondest memory of tree choosing is from the first Christmas we spent in this house, 22 years ago. We have about 30 acres with some cleared and some still forested. The weather that year was not the best, we had snow on the ground and a cold, wet drizzle falling from a leaden sky. Dad and daughter dressed in their warmest clothes with long johns or sweat pants under jeans. They hiked back to the edge of the forested area, saw in hand, and started to search for that year's perfect tree. After about half an hour of tramping through the wet snow with rain on their faces, they found just the right tree, cut it down and dragged it home. Back at the kitchen door, they realized they had hauled a 16 foot tree home, and that they were wet and cold to the skin. With some hot chocolate to warm their insides, they started to change into dry clothing. Our daughter had been wearing a pair of her dad's red sweat pants .... the color ran and she was dyed red from the waist down. With renewed zeal they went out to hack the tree into submission, removing about 6 feet of the bottom. Once set up in the corner of the living room, it was (as it is each year) the best tree ever. While decorating, they talked about where they had found this perfect tree, and we all realized that they had cut it from the neighbor's property. We had a rustled that perfect tree!

Your turn ....

Kids and Christmas

2008-11-18T21:33:00.002-04:00

As we get peppered with the Christmas merchandise in the stores, we don't need that reminder, but we do need to think about Christmas for the kids.
I know it is difficult right now with all the financial uncertainty. Added to that, it is always a difficult time since it seems to hi-lite any dysfunction in the family unit, and what family unit does not have some dysfunction!

The stores drown us in musak and commercialism and if we are not aware, we can lose sight of what actually makes this Christmas magic. We are in danger of forgetting that we are the ones who have to provide it and what we teach them now will be what they remember and pass on when they are in charge of making Christmas.

I know that you who are parents and grand-parents, it can be a very emotionally and financially draining time. It does not have to be. We just need to remember back to the magic of our childhood Christmases.

Each autumn, I end up writing an article about kids and Christmas. If you would like, I can post them here.

To you who are parenting and dealing with all the difficulties that entails, I pray for a blessed Christmas filled with joy and awe.

Solo

The Missing Magic of Christmas (Written in 2006)

I am not hearing kids talking about making garlands for the tree, going to get the tree, making gifts, making decorations, any of those things that made the Christmas Season magical. I am not hearing about families looking forward to missing members being home for Christmas. Even for those who are not practicing Christians, Christmas is a season for celebrating the love of family and gratitude for all we have, of sharing with those less fortunate, remembering those who are far away and can not be with us at this magical season.

It is hard to believe that December is not yet here, but Christmas wish lists are everywhere. I am not sure when and how it became so commercialized, but I really dislike seeing the "Gimme" mentality at every turn. It is another symptom of the magic going out of the lives of children.

The big news items over the weekend are about Sunday Shopping, just in case 6 other days a week are not enough to buy all the stuff little Johnny wants for Christmas. Pressure is put on parents to get the latest and greatest toys, brand name clothing, and any other thing that a person can write on a wish list. If these items are not under the tree on Christmas morning, you are a bad parent, incapable of satisfying the needs of your children. If your children do not go to school with the right manufacturers label all over their clothing and book bags, your parenting skills are again brought into question. The kids who don't have these things are teased and put down by the "have" kids.

It is so prevalent that even charity has to come in extra large. Our local mall has a "Giving Tree" each year, where Social Services writes the first name of a child and his or her Christmas Wish gift on a card. You can take a card, buy the gift and give it to Social Services to wrap and give the needy child for Christmas. After reading through all the cards on the tree, I had to walk away unable to afford any of the gifts even for my own family. All requests came with brand names, all the brand names were at the top of the price field. It seems that if children do not go to school wearing the right clothes, carrying the right accessories, they are shunned by the ones who have it all.

My wish is the same as it is every year. To be surrounded by family, to have everyone home, safe and well. Only twice has this not happened. The worst Christmas ever for me was when my daughter was stuck in Montreal, the second worst, she was working and could not come home. We got up Boxing Day morning, packed up Christmas and took it to her. So it was the Worst Christmas Day but the best Boxing Day.

My daughter also feels that the most important thing is to be together and she looks forward to all the good food, good company and the love. It would not matter to her if there was nothing under the tree...and in the past, there have been years like that. The first Christmas we spent together was one of those, We gave my DH a pair of slippers, one from me and one from my daughter. It was so full of love that when we remember it, it is the love and caring that stand out, not the being financially so badly bent.

My DH is also happy when we can all be together, and looks forward to Christmas Brunch, which he is in total charge of. We always cook from scratch, but over the Holidays, we make an extra effort to make those things that are family favorites, require a lot of prep. and do not get made throughout the year. Extended family by choice also drop in over the holidays.

We have always made it a point of getting the larger necessities for Christmas plus a few small gifts. We always put together a large care package for our daughter, with food staples, personal care luxuries, and new and different foods to try. She says it is the most exciting gift, going through it on Christmas Morning. There is also usually someone who has no where else to go, who shares our Christmas with us.

Anything above and beyond these basics is great if it happens, but not at all necessary, or even missed if it does not.

It's ALMOST Too Late

2008-11-02T17:33:00.002-04:00

With the season come thoughts of children in our culture. I have also thought much about the violence done to our children. The violence is fueled by people's desperation, among other things. There are so many now who are unable to support themselves, let alone a family. It will continue to get worse until some kind of balance is restored in our world.The children are our future at the same time that the magic is disappearing from their lives. If we do not work to bring it back, even the children are doomed to a bleak future. I have to believe that a balance will ultimately be reached, but the world as we knew it ended on 9/11.

If we take a lesson from history, we see that civilizations rise and fall, but the land endures. If it were not so, we would not have archeology. Each puts its stamp on the land, only to deteriorate into ruins or even oblivion. Sometimes a stronger civilization suppresses a weaker one, sometimes it has simply become so large that it has grown beyond its ability to feed its citizens, and sometimes we do not know what catastrophe has caused it's collapse.

We are part of the first global civilization and I believe we are near the collapsing point. A number of powers within our global civilization have already risen and fallen, forced down by others joined together for the purpose.If we are not to follow previous civilizations into oblivion, we need to change the way we see and treat our planet. As I have said so many times., our children are our hope for the future. We need to teach them by example to love and respect all our planet contains, as well as the planet itself. If we do not learn, the next world power will rise from the third world countries and we will be dust.

The reason I say this is that we have become so dependent on technology that can not continue to be supported by the finite resources that we are rapidly exhausting. The third world has not developed this dependence and can survive and grow in a low tech. climate. What are we doing to help insure the continuance of our world!!!

It is ALMOST too late for us.

The End of Days

2008-09-13T16:08:00.002-03:00

With the anniversary of 9/11, my mind turns back to the state our world is in. Nothing has happened since that would make me change my mind. We lost our innocence on 9/11 and like the genie, can not be put back in the bottle.

The End Of Days

This was written in September 2002, in response to the predictions of total anarchy, the end of life on Earth and even the end of the Earth itself. People were stockpiling food, clothing, tools, weapons, anything they could imagine needing when they woke up tomorrow to utter destruction.
One of the first prophecies of the end times came from Nostradamus and had to do with the Jews going home, which they did a number of years ago. The Middle East has not settled down since. Another of his prophecies had to do with the mark of the beast on the forehead of a world leader, and was interpreted to mean the birthmark on Gorbachev’s head. Much was written about the bear and the eagle, possibly referring to Russia and the U. S., or perhaps China.
Even the book of Revelation in the Christian Bible referred to the end times in graphic detail. More of these prophecies are coming true with each passing day, the end of the world as we know it is more and more certain. Operation Desert Storm brought us closer to the end as did the American declaration of war on terrorism.
Iraq is heating up. India and Pakistan are at the ready and both have nuclear weapons, in part, thanks to Canada giving freely of our technology to make nuclear reactors to generate electric power. China is ominously silent. Both nuclear and chemical weapons exist in abundance. The ability to deliver such weapons anywhere in the world is an accepted fact.
The attack on the U.S. September 11th last year signalled the end of innocence and freedom as we know it. More and more freedoms are being taken away in the name of safety and the populace is accepting gladly these changes. The world economy is shaken to its very roots. The U.S. economy is heading for a very real, very drastic upheaval as the bills for the aftermath of 9/11 come due. The Japanese economy teeters on the brink. Even here at home, we lose services at a steady rate without making any real dent in the national debt. More of the world’s population slips below the poverty line every day. Starvation is no longer a Third World prerogative. It is happening right here at home.
Everywhere there are predictions of dire events, global warming, untreatable disease, floods, droughts, famine, earthquakes, destruction of our environment at an incredible rate, holes in the ozone layer, extinction of more and more species of both plant and animal life before they can even be catalogued.
I think it is obvious that if we do not succeed in wiping ourselves off the face of the earth, Gaea will have a flea bath and certainly reduce the number of Earth’s inhabitants drastically.
There is truly no way to prepare for what is to come. Because the course of history is cyclic, civilizations rising and falling, going all the way back to the decimation of the dinosaurs, Atlantis, Egypt, Athens, Pompeii, Rome, the Biblical Flood (a version of which exists in all religious histories), the European Dark Ages, the British Empire, the Russian Tsars, and now the USSR, Aztecs, Incas, and the list goes on, Life itself is in an eternal spiral of becoming, such that with every turn of the wheel, civilizations fall, but with something left over to begin again with, I believe our emphasis must be not on saving life, but on saving souls. Death, is the eventual outcome of all births, and as we know, death is simply a rebirth on another level. Panic is not called for; we are simply living in the end times of another civilization.
Because it has become truly a Global Village, we are much more aware of what is happening than in the past, which means that the general populace is privy to much more “News” than even twenty years ago. I am not sure I would want to survive, at my age, to greet a “Brave New World” where living simply is a must, with no medical services, no system of care for the elderly nor any of the modern conveniences that make life easier as we age. I believe that is the job of the young. There will certainly be survivors to repopulate the world and start the cycle once more. It would be hoped that these survivors would be much more spiritually aware than past generations.
Perhaps our responsibility lies in trying to make for a more enlightened populace. People are definitely searching for answers, for a better way, for connection with the Divine, the Creator, the Cosmic All. That is why so many Eastern Religions have taken hold in the West, among them Buddhism, Baha’i, Hare Krishna, Transcendentalism, Wicca, Native Medicine, Spiritualism, and any number of fakes allying themselves with the New Age movement. I see our role as one of bringing light to the dark recesses of the human condition, in all possible ways.

Hurricane Aftermath

2008-09-13T13:59:00.002-03:00

Current hurricanes and events discussed recently in a news group sent my mind back over the past few years. As I looked back, tears filled my eyes and dread still fills my heart. This article has not lost it's meaning. In fact, the situation becomes more urgent every day. We all must do all we can to curb the current trends.

Hurricane Katrinas Aftermath

This was written after Hurricane Katrina, with all the attendant destruction and loss of life. In the case of Hurricane Katrina, the lack of early response and the attendant suffering and deaths make it very hard to come to grips with.

There is an old saying that power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. There are no psychological profile tests given to the leaders we elect. We only learn the truth of their strengths and weaknesses after a catastrophe of such magnitude. Perhaps part of the blame for this is the Pollyanna attitude that “it will never happen to me”. Well, it can happen to anyone and is happening more and more everywhere. Last month, six commercial airplanes fell from the sky. There have been fires, floods, disease and all sorts of natural disasters piled on top of wars, political actions, rebellions and just plain anarchy.

I believe the world as we knew it ended on 9/11. Our innocence was lost, not to be regained. Until we stop ravaging our earth, the catastrophes will not stop. Until we use better judgment in our elected leaders, more and more people will be lost each time.

If we don’t soon start to deal with the roots of the problems, it surely will be the end of the world. Civilizations rise and civilizations fall, but never before with such devastation to our planet.

There is no sane way to view what is happening. Every thinking person on the planet is experiencing feelings of helplessness. We give until it hurts, then give a little more, but it is never enough! If we don’t find a way of thinking about these things, and doing what we can, we will collapse into madness trying. When I think about how different my world was as a child, the change is staggering, and happening so rapidly that I can not even catch my breath. Today’s children will live as adults in an even more changed world.

The only thing that saves my sanity and allows me to get up each morning and do whatever little thing I can, is the knowledge that there is a higher power, a higher purpose, that we cannot even begin to understand.

My role, my life can only be counted as a success if I bring positive change in the world that I touch. This is a very small world, but if we do nothing, it will rapidly become smaller. Individually, we cannot effect any great change for the better, but as an army of voices, perhaps we can at least lessen the damage by even a small amount.

Our children are our hope. We need to pay attention to them, try to raise them with an understanding and an appreciation for nature, life in general, and our fellow human inhabitants. Magic filled my world. We had no money, but we had so much love. The things I learned at my grandparent’s knee have lasted me all my life. The little, seemingly unimportant things, make the biggest impact. Who knows what ripples are caused by little acts of kindness.

An example of this is seen in my grandmother’s philosophy, that she lived by all her life. I lived with my grandparents for quite a while as a small child. They lived in a small clapboard house on a quarter acre of land cut from the public fairgrounds, built for my great, great, grandmother who was the first white woman in that small village.

They had been farmers, and my grandfather hunted, trapped for furs and did some blacksmith and carpentry work for a little money. In their golden years, when they could no longer farm, they moved into that little house with no electricity, or running water.

In fact, there was no water, it had to be dipped from the well across the street, and carried home by the bucket full. They grew a small garden, had chickens for eggs and Sunday dinner, a cow for milk, and a pig for winter meat. A neighbour half a mile away lived with an alcoholic husband and struggled to feed her children. Many times, my grandma would dress me as warmly as possible, wrap a cape around me and send me off with a basket of eggs or a quart of milk or a pound of butter for this lady and her children. As a result of my grandmother’s example, I have always tried to be open handed, giving away the last of what I had on more than one occasion. The Creator has always looked after me, not often providing what I wanted, but always providing what I needed, usually at the very last moment.

As I said, magic filled my world, but these days, magic has almost disappeared from the lives of children. Any time we can return some of that magic to them, we are helping them to grow up dreaming big, trusting in the Creator to provide, and having an open heart and an open hand in their dealings with the world. We cannot know what ripple effects it will have, only that it will be good.

And this is the last one for now

2008-09-07T20:45:00.001-03:00

This is the tree and wild rose where the fairies live! At least it looks like they should.

And Summer

2008-09-07T20:35:00.001-03:00

These were taken in late June and July

Summer Pictures

2008-09-07T20:20:00.002-03:00

We took pictures of everything as it bloomed so we would have a record of this magical summer.

The Time Has Come

2008-09-07T19:58:00.003-03:00

the walrus said
To speak of many things
Of aging and of moving
Of cabbages and kings.

It is a difficult thing that we must do. After 22 years here, it is time to move on. We believed we would end our days here, but life has other plans. We need to downsize and take our Time Warp to a spot easier to look after, single story, only a couple of acres, but still in this general community.

The house is too big to look after and the landscaping that I put 20 years into is looking forlorn. It needs younger blood to take up the torch and work along side Gaia to continue making it beautiful. As hard as it will be to leave, it would be harder to watch the degeneration of what we have worked for.

When we moved here from the city in 1986, I was able to bring a little of most of the plantings I had there. They mean so much to me because it is a friendship garden and many of the plants came from friends who are no longer here. When I look around I remember the giver as well as enjoying the tangled garden. My young neighbor across the street will keep and care for whatever small bits I can take from here, until I have a place to plant them.

I know how blessed I am. I know that this is just a transitional state, and that all will be well again. I believe we all pass through various emotions when we have big changes in our lives. I share mine so that others need not go through the same thing believing that they are alone. Time passes, things change, we cling then we let go.

Our refuge, The Time Warp will move with us. It belongs to us, not a specific place. A young friend named it The Time Warp long ago because she checked her worries at the end of the driveway and felt renewed by the time she picked them up again on her way out.

Everything that can bloom, has done so this summer. Mother Nature has thrown me a farewell party beyond compare. It has been a magical summer in so many ways, but as with everything we treasure, it costs. The head knows there is nothing to struggle with, but sometimes it takes a while for the heart to catch up. My heart hurts! but I will be OK.

I would like to share some of that farewell party here.

Many Small Miracles

2008-08-09T16:06:00.001-03:00

add up to one really big one. Often the small miracles go unnoticed until they collect into that huge one. Even then, the nature of the event can be misinterpreted.

When we desire something so strongly, we attract events to ourselves that aid in achieving our desire. I believe that desires that benefit only ourselves or are harmful to others will not attract the small miracles that lead to the achievement of those desires. They will, in fact attract negative events into our lives. The Law of Attraction states that if we do good, we attract good. The opposite also holds true.

When more than one person desires the same thing, the results can be magical. We often call it Refrigerator Magic because we put a picture of our desired result on the fridge and think about is briefly whenever we open the door. When we leave the refrigerator and continue with our daily routine, we in effect, send our desire out into the ether where it is free to attract what we need to realize our desire. This is a form of petitioning the Creator as we picture our desire being an accomplished fact, then let it go as if mailing it. This happened most recently in my life last month .

Almost ten years ago, I met two wonderful women on line, Over the years, we three became very close friends. When I was in hospital intensive care in April, 2006, Many people, both on line friends and in person friends sent prayers and healing thoughts which helped a great deal and I appreciate every one of them. But these two went a great deal farther. Every day that I was in hospital, they did everything in their power and more to ensure that I would come out again. I owe them a very great deal.

We had often discussed our desire to meet, but so much stood in the way that none of us really expected it to happen. The events of April 2006 proved to be the catalyst that brought our desire to a heightened level. We began to practice Refrigerator Magic with a vengeance. When they reached out to help me in hospital, the picture I saw in my coma was of a white iron table and three chairs, with the three of us sitting around it, them telling me that I could do this and that they would help me. Later, when I shared that event with them, they realized that they had succeeded. One had the strength and the other had the training. My Florida friend provided the image that I saw because she knew it was a familiar image. There was a real place quite similar that we had discussed sitting together over coffee and talk and talk.

In July of 2006, my Quebec friend traveled to Nova Scotia and we celebrated our birthdays together. We had come to know each other so well that it was a reunion, not a first meeting. It was wonderful. The only fly in the ointment was that our friend in Florida was not with us in person. There appeared to be no way that our dream of all being together could be realized, but we continued to wish with all our hearts that it could happen. In 2007, no meting was possible but ……

In July this year, WE DID IT! We all met in Quebec and it was even more wonderful than we could have imagined/ Our time together was short, but we had already become so close over the years that we did not need time to get to know each other’s hearts. We simply reveled in each other’s company.

Many small miracles had to happen in each of our lives for our dream to be realized. Here is what happened in my life to make our meeting possible.

It had been many years since I asked the Creator for anything more than strength and wisdom for myself. I believe that if we live our lives to the best of our ability, we will be granted what we need to do so. Often it takes little miracles that we don’t even notice in our everyday lives but I have always had a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food on the table, not always in a manner I would have chosen, often at the eleventh hour. but my faith has become strong because of it. Wonderful things have happened too, and I am eternally grateful for all of my life.
After again passing through the mist and being allowed to return in April 2006, I doubt that I will be allowed to do so again. There is not a great deal that I desire from life but I did petition the Creator for four things.

1) An electric scooter to allow me to move around freely without someone having to push me in a wheelchair or sitting and waiting while others did what I can no longer do. Last fall, after a year long battle, I received approval from my group insurance company for a far superior scooter than I had asked for. The scooter arrived last fall, but I was not able to make full use of it until this summer.

2) A dependable vehicle to carry the scooter without having to disassemble it then reassemble when we reach our destination. reassemble it when we got where we were going. That is important to me as I do not want anyone else to have to lift the parts in and out of the trunk of the car. I could not bring myself to expect that whenever I wanted to go somewhere. When Revenue Canada’s collection department phoned me about an outstanding balance, they ended up pointing out that I had claimed a particular deduction up to 1992 but had not continued. They gave me the information as to who to contact to request a review of my file from 1993 to 2006. Ultimately, they reassessed the years of 2004 to 2006 and the refund was sufficient to purchase a used minivan and recondition it completely.

3) To see my birth sister who ended an almost thirty year estrangement (her choice) while I was in hospital. My daughter had telephoned her. and my sister explained that she had wanted to re-approach for a long time but was afraid that I would not accept her back. The decision was always hers, but she did not realize it. We re-approached by telephone and then kept in touch weekly by instant messenger. I could not truly believe she would not disappear again until I received a box of Christmas gifts, wrapped and decorated with tree ornaments like we always used to do. I sat and cried tears of relief and joy that my baby sister was once again in my life. I did not see any way that I could see her since she was in Ontario and I in Nova Scotia. In February, I answered a knock on my door and she was standing there. As I hugged her, tears of joy flowed freely once again. She and my daughter had conspired for her to take a long weekend and fly down. My daughter picked her up at the airport and brought her home to me. We had only the weekend, but what a wonderful weekend it was. We can not go back and recapture lost years, but we can pick up in the present and go forward again.

4) To see my chosen sisters, the one in Quebec again, and the one in Florida for the first time. My friend in Quebec was house hunting and when she found one she wanted, we all posted pictures of it on our refrigerators. She got the house. While looking for furniture, she found a white iron table and three chairs just like I saw in my coma. When she sent pictures, we immediately put them up on the fridge and started visualizing ourselves sitting in them, around the table. With having the dependable minivan and my doctor’s approval, we were all set to go, but no money for gas. Revenue Canada to the rescue again. They sent me a refund for 2007 that was just what we needed to fund our trip. All of my birthday presents were cash and given before the trip. Gas prices also dropped the day after we began our trip. My friend in Florida arranged to meet us at the new home of my friend in Quebec. My daughter volunteered to house sit with our birds for the week and my young neighbor said she would help with the birds. The weather stayed cool and damp, just what I needed for my COPD. My partner cheerfully purchased and refurbished the minivan, did all the driving, played chef and did so much more make the trip a wonderful and memorable one. It was a perfect week.

I had no reason to suspect that any of these events would happen, and if I had not desired the results so strongly, I probably would not have recognized these little miracles for what they were. These and the ones in my chosen sister’s lives added up to one huge, wonderful miracle for all of us.

When our desires are strong and benefit others as well as ourselves, great magic can be performed in our lives. If we are unaware, opportunities go unrecognized. This applies equally to finding and following our individual path in life. We attract what is needed to further our growth, but if we do not see these opportunities, we can not utilize them.

Meditating in a Group or Group Meditation

2008-06-14T12:09:00.000-03:00

It has been my experience that when one meditates in a group of people with similar desires and beliefs, the meditation process becomes stronger and deeper. This is similar but stronger than the intensity one experiences in Holy places, churches, certain places in nature, etc. It is not necessary to follow a particular process. Each may meditate in his or her own way, simply absorbing the higher vibration generated by the group. People who engage in silent prayer within the structure of their spiritual services experience this same heightened awareness.

The jury is still out on guided meditation. If the guide is good, strong and pure of heart, it can be a wonderful experience . It is like one is riding the crest of a wave. If not, it can be either a neutral or negative experience. Music and/or chanting have also been useful in deepening the meditative experience.

Some learn to meditate simply for the physical and emotional benefits. Others are seeking a deeper meaning of life and their role in it. I believe that most groups seeking spiritual growth through meditation welcome all who wish to meditate with them, and require nothing in return. This is a way to benefit from group meditation as well as to learn about the particular spiritual path. There are Buddhist groups who host weekly meditation sessions in many localities and they do not require any change in one's beliefs in order to simply meditate with them. I believe the Society of Friends also welcome others to sit with them. A search on Google will produce more such groups if anyone is interested in exploring this area.

Sacred Places

2008-06-10T13:38:00.002-03:00

Some places on Earth will feel more sacred than others. You can often feel the sacredness of these places because of what has happened on them. (excerpt from a Native American Elder's Meditation)

Since I have been working on an article about meditating alone or in a group, as well as meditating in sacred places, this meditation immediately spoke to me.

It does not matter how the places became sacred, only that those who used these places had a sacred, holy purpose. The temples, chapels, churches, cathedrals. mosques, monasteries, special spots in nature, in short all places may hold this sacred vibration. One does not need to belong to any particular religion or faith to feel the sacredness of such places, and use their power to intensify the meditation experience. It is only necessary to be open to the higher vibration these places come to hold.

Many years ago, our family went camping as we often did. There was a small chapel in the woods at this camp ground. The edge of the clearing was ringed with simple wooden benches. Sunday sermons were held there, alternating between a number of different faiths, as well as a number of summer weddings. There was a feeling of incredible calm, a peacefulness that was even more pronounced than what one generally feels when in the embrace of natures beautiful places. Meditation came naturally there. Nothing happened that would disturb a meditator, should one be meditating there.

I have also been in a broad cross section of formal places of worship. The same sense of holy tranquility was in all. They were all very conducive to deep meditation, prayer or worship, regardless of one's spiritual beliefs.

Another place that confirmed my belief in the sacredness of places that have been used for sacred purposes is a very old, small cemetery, overgrown and almost unrecognizable. What made me notice it was a feeling that I had a glimpse of an old man, sitting on a small stool, talking quietly to no visible person. When we went to investigate, we found a small, humble grave with a well kept wooden cross for a marker and a rickety old stool, ready to collapse at any moment. The area was filled with such love and peace that I had to linger and let the sense of that place wash over me.

We are all capable of sensing such holy places and reveling in their special tranquility. We are are also capable of shutting down the ability to sense anything, the choice belongs to each one of us.

What's Important

2008-06-02T23:19:00.002-03:00

I have been writing almost all of my life, at least 50 years. In that time, I believed that only the spiritual growth articles were important. There are others out there who believe the same, as indicated by which posts generate the most interest and comments.I now believe I was wrong!

Each of us is a complete person, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. We need to accept that and promote growth and balance in all areas.This entails much more than I have covered in my posts and articles on Balance. While that particular form of balance is very important, we must also nurture and grow our understanding of all facets of ourselves, and humanity in general.

When I write, I don't consciously think about what I am writing, but I do read what I have written when I am finished. Since I mull a topic over in my mind for quite some time before I am sure what I think abut it, I seldom need to change anything by the time I get to the writing part. Many of the questions I contemplate are those which have affected my own life, and many stem from questions or comments by others.

Our physical presence, this body, mind and heart that houses our spiritual selves is part of this world and part of daily life in it.In order to progress along our path, we need to deal with daily life. There are many things in daily life that can cause us to stumble if we do not confront them. For example, the terrible illness that can happen to us or to those we love, or the attempt to distinguish between the various guises love takes or the other emotions that disguise themselves as love.

Life is full of challenges here on this plane and if we avoid them, we can not progress on the spiritual plane either. We create so much static in our minds that important things are drowned out. Not all things on this plane are painful or difficult. There is much pleasure and joy to be had if we are open to them.

Someone asked me if there were any truly happy people. After thinking about it for a while, I had to answer truthfully that Yes, there are and I am one.In the depths of my being I am content. I enjoy the pleasures this world offers, nature's beauty, loving and being loved, children's laughter .. there is so much that brings joy and happiness.

If one does not deal with the negative things, the pain, misunderstanding, depression, illnesses, failed relationships ..then it becomes almost impossible to find any joy in life. Unfortunately, many of the problems people grapple with fall into the "not to be mentioned" category. That is why I so often find myself writing about cancer, menopause, the aging process, depression, death and a number of other things that people don't feel comfortable confronting.

It's all important.

Menopause-The Process of Croning

2008-05-23T20:48:00.003-03:00

Recently I was asked for some advice on menopause. After thinking about it, I realized that menopause was another one of those taboo subjects for many of us. Since I follow the "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread" school of thought, I just started typing a reply, and my editor (my partner, bless him for being in my life) gave me the seal of approval. So here it is.

The onset of menopause signals the beginning of the croning process. As we produce less and less estrogen, we enter this phase. It usually lasts about ten years from start to finish. We go through both physical and mental changes, and often become an emotional yo-yo before we settle into the new stage of our lives.

Along with the hot flashes we can experience depression, elation, anger ........ magnifying problems we already have and adding new ones as well. This too settles down with time. Mentally, it seems that we are likely to experience the same "symptoms" as our family members. Some of us breeze through the process with little or no problem. Some have such a difficult time that they take oral estrogen to suppress both physical and mental "symptoms". That only postpones the inevitable, and if one is at risk for cancer, hormone therapy is out of the question. We gain weight with ease, but lose it only with the most intense dedication. The more overweight one is, the more estrogen is stored in the fatty tissues and the process of losing it from our bodies is much more gradual.

Our bodies change shape. I have even known some who develop asthma and allergies for the first time in their lives. We may lose a lot of our hair and skin elasticity as we loose the battle with gravity and sexual feelings may either fade away or become more pronounced. This depends a lot on whether we wanted more children. If we did, we get tangled up in society's belief that we have lost our value. If we did not, we can experience a resurgence of these feelings, knowing we will no longer be able to become pregnant. I think we have all known someone who jumped the gun and ended up with a "change of life baby". In order to continue to enjoy lovemaking, we may need to ask our doctor's help to slow the physical changes.

Men also often experience a reduction in sex drive with age, or addiction or prescribed medication and may not want to discuss it, again because of society's expectations. If our partners are experiencing this, we often blame it on ourselves, believing that our new stage of life makes us undesirable. The makers of Viagra and other such drugs are making a fortune from men who can not accept their aging process. This is the time in our lives that being best friends is most important. The love and affection we feel for each other can get couples through even this.

Menopause is another one of those things that many people are uncomfortable with. If it were more accepted, we as women would not go through much of what we endure during menopause. I'm not sure what I can add to this, but I will answer any questions honestly and to the best of my ability.

Some time ago, I wrote the article below because of this lack of acceptance.

On Croning

On this journey through life, there are both events and processes, events so great that they shape and mold our understanding of self, processes so subtle that we are almost at the end of one before we appreciate the fact that it has started at all.

A friend asked me what I meant by “croning” and I had to take a step back from my own life and view the process of moving from Maiden to Mother to Crone. Of all the life processes, this one is, perhaps, the subtlest, the most obvious and the most miss-understood.

Much human lore revolves around these three incarnations of the female deity. She is revered in all of her phases, however our society is so youth oriented that women passing through these stages tend to be dismissed out of hand when they reach the age of croning.

The Maiden is revered for her fresh faced innocence and her budding body, preparing to enter the Mother stage. The Mother is revered as well, for her ability to provide continuity of the male genetic lineage, and for providing proof of male virility.

We can slip from Maiden to Mother without any more than a passing ripple to mark the transition. The Crone, however, is dismissed as no longer able to fulfill the duties that the male dominated, youth oriented society has assigned her.

This puts her under a microscope of her own making, seeing each gray hair, each early sign of menopause, each battle lost to gravity as making her less and less useful to society, her life less and less meaningful. At the very time where she should be celebrating her new found freedom to focus on her own spiritual growth, her own path, her new insights that makes her gifts to society more meaningful, she is filled with feelings of failure, uselessness and alienation.

Instead of resuming her personal spiritual journey, she suffers from the Empty Nest Syndrome. Instead of sharing her hard won knowledge with the younger generations, she spends time at a fat farm trying to recapture lost youth. Instead of taking her place as a matriarch in her family, she beats a path to the plastic surgeon.

Our society loses much in not valuing the croning process or the Crone

Looking Within

2008-05-02T15:18:00.000-03:00

Looking Within

If you could look within yourself
You would find the answer
To every question you have ever asked
And more, much more.

If you could be so quiet
You could hear your toenails grow,
The knowledge of the universe
Is there for you to know.

Your inner self is but a part
Of all that is and was
And ever will be.
You are IT, could you but see.

Turn you eyes and ears inward,
Look within your soul, listen to your heart,
Recognize your rightful place
In a Universe of love.

World Wide Disaster

2008-04-29T15:30:00.002-03:00

In line with my post about the Aztec predictions, this is a letter I sent to a student in September of 2008.

I am so sorry that it has taken me this long to respond to you. I had not realized you were off line until you sent the email from the library. I will try to respond to your correspondence chronologically, and send it both email and snail mail. Your vacation certainly sent you into a tail-spin. It will take a while to get back on a more even keel. If you persevere with meditating, the ego will ultimately stop fighting you and it will help.

Although you feel like your are being pulled back into the old role, it is no longer your purpose. You have been chosen to work to help bring light to those striving to find it. There will be great need for light, and those of us who can carry a light and a mirror are needed now more than ever before. I know it will be hard to extricate yourself from the old things and the old battles, but others will take up those causes. You are needed for the future..to help those who will be the future to find their own inner light now.

I'm not sure what you are asking when you ask if there is a council above the watchers and those in the Cathedral. All is One and One is all. When we merge with the Sitters, we are indeed part of the One in every way.

When you ask me what I know, I am reminded of the letter I wrote to Linda in 2002 and sent a copy to you because you were both very drawn into world wide disaster scenarios at the time. I responded to Linda's question with some thoughts on what is to come and the particular aspects that I have been aware of for many years.

Many of these prophecies are coming true, and with each passing day the end of the world as we know it is more and more certain. Operation Desert Storm brought us closer to the end as has the American declared war on Terrorism. Iraq was heating up again even back in 2002, India and Pakistan are at the ready and both have nuclear weapons, in part thanks to Canada giving freely of our technology to make Nuclear Reactors to generate electric power. China is still ominously silent. North Korea keeps rumbling. Both nuclear and chemical weapons exist in abundance and the ability to deliver such weapons anywhere in the world is an accepted fact. Africa is starving and plagues and pestilence, including Aids are spreading through the world.

The 9/11 attack on the World Trade Center signaled the end of our innocence and freedom as we know it. More and more freedoms are being taken away in the name of safety and the populace is gladly accepting these changes. The world economy is shaken to it's very roots. The American economy is heading for a very real, very drastic upheaval as the bills for the aftermath of 9/11 come due. Now on top of that, the costs for the Afghan and Iraqi wars, and disaster relief for the victims of the Tsunami and Hurricane Katrina are beyond comprehension. The Japanese economy teeters on the brink. Even here at home, we lose services at a steady rate without making any real dent in the National Debt. More of the world's population slips below the poverty line every day. Starvation is no longer a third world prerogative. It is happening right here at home. Everywhere there are predictions of dire events, global warming, untreatable disease, floods, droughts, famine, earthquakes, destruction of our environment at an incredible rate, holes in the ozone layer, extinction of more and more species of both plant and animal life before they can even be cataloged.

I think it is obvious that if we do not succeed in wiping ourselves off the face of the earth, Gaea will have a flea bath and certainly reduce the number of earth's inhabitants drastically. We are seeing the beginnings of such loss of life even now. There is truly no way to prepare for what is to come. Because the course of history is cyclic, civilizations rising and falling, going all the way back to the decimation of the dinosaurs, Atlantis, Egypt, Athens, Pompey, Rome, The Biblical Flood (a version of which exists in all religious histories), the European Dark Ages, the British Empire, the Russian Tsars and now the USSR, Aztecs, Incas, and the list goes on.

Life itself is in an eternal spiral of becoming, such that with every turn of the wheel, civilizations fall, but with something left over to begin again with. I believe our emphasis must be not on saving life, but on saving souls. Death is the eventual outcome of all births, for as we know, death is simply a rebirth on another plane. Panic is not called for, we are simply living in the end times of another civilization. Because it has become truly a Global Village, we are privy to much more "News" than even twenty years ago. I'm not sure I would want to survive at my age, and with my health problems, to greet a "Brave New World" where living simply is a must, with no medical services, no system of care for the elderly and no more conveniences that make growing older easier. I believe this is a job for the young.

There will certainly be survivors to repopulate the world and start the cycle once more. It would be hoped that these survivors would be much more spiritually aware than past generations. Our responsibility lies in trying to make for a more enlightened populace. People are definitely searching for answers, for a better way, for connection with the Divine, the Creator, the Cosmic All. That is why so many Eastern Religions have taken hold in the West, for example Buddhism, Baha'i, Hare Krishna, Transcendentalism, Wicca, Native Medicine, Spiritualism, as well as a number of fakes allying themselves with the New Age movement.

I see our role as one of bringing light to the dark recesses of the human condition, in all possible ways. I have been quietly doing my part as assigned by the One for most of my adult life. I realize there is much here that we have not previously discussed, and probably a lot of questions. I

Someone wrote me very recently about the fact that help was so slow to arrive for the victims of Hurricane Katrina, the poor leadership offered by our elected officials and the suffering that has been so severe. I would like to share with you, my reply to her as well. There is an old saying that power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. There are no psychological profile tests given to the leaders we elect. We only learn the truth of their strengths and weaknesses after a catastrophe of such magnitude. Perhaps part of the blame for this is the Pollyanna attitude that "It will never happen to me".

Well it can happen to anyone and is happening more and more everywhere., Last month six commercial airplanes fell from he sky, there have been fires, floods, disease and all sorts of other "natural" disasters piled on top of wars, police actions, rebellions and just plain anarchy. I believe that the world as we knew it ended on 9/11. Our innocence was lost, not to be regained.

Until we stop ravaging the earth, the catastrophes will not stop. Until we use better judgment in our elected leaders, more and more people will be lost each time. If we don't soon start to deal with the roots of the problems, it surely will be the end of the world. Civilizations rise and civilizations fall, but never before with such devastation to our planet. There is no sane way to view what is happening, The feelings of helplessness are being experienced by every thinking person on the planet. We give until it hurts, then give a little more, but it is never enough! If we don't find a way of thinking about these things, and doing what we can, we will collapse into madness trying.

When I think about how different my world was as a child, the change is staggering, and happening so rapidly that I can not even catch my breath. The world today's children will inhabit as adults, will be even more changed, and even more rapidly changing. The only thing that saves my sanity and allows me to get up each morning and do whatever little thing I can, is the knowledge that there is a higher power, a higher purpose, that we can not even begin to understand, and that my role, my life can only be counted as a success if I bring positive change into the world that I touch. That is a very small world but if we do nothing, it will rapidly become smaller still. Individually, we can not effect any real change for the better, but as an army of voices, perhaps we can at least lessen the damage by even a small amount.

Our children are our hope, we need to pay attention to them, try to raise them with an understanding and appreciation for nature, life in general, and our fellow human inhabitants. We had no money, but we had so much love . Magic filled my world. Anything was possible! The things I learned at my grandparents' knee have stayed with me all my life.They had been farmers and my grandfather had hunted, trapped for furs and did some carpentry and blacksmith work for a little cash. In their golden years, they had nothing, a little old clapboard house on a quarter acre of land deeded to my great great grandmother as she was the first white woman settler in that small community. There was no electricity, no running water, in fact no water at all (it had to be dipped from the well across the road and carried home by the bucket full.) They grew a small garden, had chickens for eggs, a cow for milk and a pig for winter meat. A neighbor, about half a mile away, lived with an alcoholic husband and struggled to feed her children. Many times, my grandmother would dress me as warmly as possible, wrap a cape around me and send me off to Mrs. Lott's with a basket of eggs, or butter, or milk, or bread. As a result of my grandmother's example, I have always been open handed, giving away the last of what I had on more than one occasion.

The creator has always looked after me, not often providing what I wanted, but always providing what I needed...usually at the very last moment. The little, seemingly unimportant things, often make the biggest impact. The best way to teach is by example. As I said, magic filled my world, but these days, magic has almost disappeared from the lives of children. That magic is so very important in shaping who they become. One of the most priceless gifts we can give the children is to give them back the magic. That will allow them to grow up dreaming big, trusting the One to provide and having an open heart and an open hand in their dealings with the world. The ripple effect of such small deeds can be unbelievably huge.

In summary, I see our work as carrying a light and a mirror through our world, helping all those we can, to find their way back to their path, and to bring a little magic back into the lives of the children who touch our lives. We are protected by the One, whose work we do. We need no other armor or weapons but truth and light. We are as nebulous as mist in this world, not really here, not of it, only doing our work in it. Others will deal with the things of this world, the fight between good and evil, whose battleground is this earth, this earthly life. We must work to prepare those who will come after to be able to lead in the right direction. They will be brought to us by the One when they are ready to return to the path.

I know this is a lot to absorb all at once, and there will be questions and points needing clarification. I also know that you are taking baby steps, new in this very important work, but you will be able to do it. You would not have been chosen if you could not. Hold to that thought when you are feeling fragile, and know that the One is with you. With love and companionship on the Journey

Depression and Meditation

2008-04-26T13:38:00.000-03:00

As spring blooms, and we all expect to have our spirits lifted, leaving the dreary feelings of winter behind, there are those whose spirits do not lift.

This was written in the fall of 2006 when depression was being discussed in another group and I think is still valid today. So many people suffer with depression without support or finding ways to help themselves.

Meditation has been a major tool in bringing my own emotional state back to as close to balance as we can hope to achieve. Balance is that point in a pendulums swing that is neither to one side or the other of it's arc, and can exist only for an instant before it moves on. Like the pendulum, we are always in motion. Meditation can help us to mitigate the length and duration of the downward swing and help to prolong the duration of the near-balanced state ... Meditation is not a substitute for medical attention, but can help in conjunction with it. Depression or bi-polar disease is often caused by an imbalance in the brain chemicals, and one needs to seek medical help in addition to any self-help.

I do know quite a bit about depression, having had a mother, brother, daughter......in short, four very dear ones close to me, who all at one time or another suffered from deep, deep depression. It is hell. It is hell to watch helplessly while a loved one goes through it. It is hell for the person experiencing it. It is hell for all who are affected by it. It is not a place one goes by choice, it is not a place that one can climb out of by one's self. It can not be cured by bludgeoning, or by appealing to reason, or lecturing, or abandonment, or wishing.

Some depressions are caused by situations and mitigate themselves with time and with love and support. Those experiencing this type are the lucky ones, and I have been down that road a time or two. My first personal encounter with the dark days was at the age of 25 when I lost a 5 year old daughter to encephalitis. Even with another child at home, it took me a year to find a reason to want to get out of bed in the mornings. Obviously I did it, I got up. I went through the motions of living each day and got through it somehow, until finally the pain was lessened enough that I could take pleasure in life's daily events.

The second time, I was just 40 and was struck down with a hereditary neuromuscular disease. I went through about 3 months of getting weaker and weaker and being able to work shorter and shorter days, until finally I was in hospital for 6 weeks. I was never able to return to my flourishing career. My professional life and the income it brought in was OVER at 40. Again, it took me a year to adjust. Each night I would write in my journal the things I had done that day and what I needed to accomplish the next. Not only was my professional life over, but I knew that an uncle had died from the disease 5 years after it showing up, and my mother in less than 10 years. I was a ticking time bomb. With my husband's help, we changed our life style, moved to the country and decided that we would fight it with every fiber of our beings. That was in 1984! We made a conscious effort to make the best of whatever time was left for us to be together and we have done so. I have no regrets on that score.

The third episode is just now easing up. As you all know, on April 6th, 2006 I died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. They were successful in resuscitating me but nicked a lung in the process which left me with tubes coming out of every orifice of my body, plus one extra under my arm that led into the lung they had collapsed by accident. For one week they kept me comatose with a drug that made life in my head worse than any hell one can conjure up. I was crawling over burning hot, broken sharp, stones in the blazing sun with no way out, and only the occasional hallucination of a room somewhere with kind people in it, but I could not find that room except for a couple of times by accident. After a week of this, my husband demanded that the doctors wake me up so that he and my daughter could communicate with me for a short time. Under duress, they did! That saved my life because they were both able to tell me that if I needed to go, it would be alright, but that if I wanted to fight, I could win. Seeing their faces, I chose to fight. The dose of the medication that kept me comatose was reduced immediately and within 2 days, was replaced with morphine which did not have the same effect on me. After another week, there was real concern that the respirator tube would cause permanent damage and/or infection and they wanted to do a trach to replace it. I was reluctant, but they convinced me and it did hasten my healing immensely. The doctors and nurses expected me to be in intensive care for months at least, if I recovered at all. When I told them I would be going home on a day pass, the third weekend and home permanently on the fourth, they laughed but humored me. I went home on pass the third weekend and home for good on the fourth. Since then, I found that the trach would be permanent, to be changed every 4 weeks in hospital, I have been in and out of emergency and had to go back on prednisone and antibiotics frequently. Every cold and every germ that passes by stops in for a visit. I have had to have more scopes, tests and whatever than you can shake a stick at. The emergency department is always interesting as I have one of the only two trachs walking around outside the hospital in this area. I am a rarity here. It has been two years now and I can not regain the strength I lost that month. There were days that I was not sure I made the right decisions, but with the help of my loving family, by birth, marriage and choice, I have learned to live and enjoy what I have been left with. My on line family and friends have also played a large part in my recovery.

That is what I know personally about depression. Now let's visit the other kind of depression caused by chemical imbalances and exacerbated by life's events. What I know about it is all from the outside looking in, right from the time I was a child.

My mother was given to depression all her life, and in my very early teens, I repeatedly had to go to the neighbor's house and phone the family doctor to come and get her through the newest attempt at suicide. He finally told me that I must leave home at the earliest opportunity and pursue my own life or I would never get away. Over the next number of years, she was in and out of hospital, on and off various drugs and had a number of series of shock treatments. I really never understood it and resented her very much. It was only after I had also dealt with others in my life who suffered a chemically induced depression that I began to understand and to empathize.

My daughter inherited the same chemical imbalance and has also battled her whole life with both depression and ADHD. She does well with the new generation of antidepressants, therapy and the love and support that we all try to give her. There are bad times, sometimes brought on by life's events and sometimes by the medications no longer working. It is a life sentence, but she is making the best of it and finding her happiness where she can.

My husband, whom I love with all of my being also suffers from chronic depression and during the diagnostic phase, life was hell for both of us. He would go to sleep in the middle of conversations, could not motivate himself to do anything, became capable of causing himself harm and ended up in hospital for both diagnosis and treatment. From that point, life began to improve but when it got bad again, he self-medicated as they say. He could not leave a gathering if there was a drop of alcohol around. No matter how hard he tried to escape, the alcohol simply made it worse. We even separated for a year because I could not cope with the whole situation. He quit drinking and we got back together. The whole vicious circle started up again and one night it was finally all I could stand and told him that he had better like wherever he got drunk because he would not be coming home again. That was his last drink and he has been sober now for over 15 years now. We have both learned. He takes antidepressants and increases them when necessary, backing down the dose again when the crisis is over. If I notice he is falling into apathy, I mention it, he denies it, thinks about it and then increases his meds again. One of the good things is that the new generation of antidepressants does not stifle the personality or flat line the emotions, it simply allows the person to cope with life and enjoy the things that others enjoy. I would not be alive without him and I have learned so very much from this wonderful man with one little flaw that could have destroyed his life and mine.

I could go on, but the other stories do not vary enough to add anything material here.

The Mayan Prophecy of 2012

2008-04-26T13:07:00.001-03:00

This link was sent to me today. http://www.13moon.com/prophecy%20page.htm

I went and read the article, and found it interesting and does not conflict with what I know to be true. It is worth the read, and I would be interested in any comments anyone has on it.

Quotes from the article:

"Known as Time's Special Witness, 7th century Mayan prophet Pacal Votan left a universal message for future generations of an evolving Earth.Proclaiming,"If Humanity Wishes To Save Itself From Biospheric Destruction It Must Return To Living in Natural Time," he foretold of our accelerated technological society, and the resulting damage of our collective divergence from Natural Law in exchange for materialist values."

"Pacal Votan's prophetic call is alerting present-day humanity that our biological process is transforming, approaching the culmination of a 26,000 year evolutionary program. Bringing the return of universal telepathy, heightened sense capacity, and self-reflective consciousness, this is a return to the sacred domain of our inner technology."

"This grand cycle of evolution will culminate winter solstice, December 21, 2012 AD."

"This time we are now in has been called "The Time of Trial on Earth," "Judgement Day," "The Time of Great Purification," "The End of this Creation," "The Quickening," "The End of Time as We Know It," "The Shift of the Ages." It is foretold that the completion of the Precession brings regeneration of Earth, offering awakening to all open, willing hearts. Many peoples spoke of these last days of the Great Cycle, including the: Maya, Hopi, Egyptians, Kabbalists, Essenes, Qero elders of Peru, Navajo, Cherokee, Apache, Iroquois confederacy, Dogon Tribe, and Aborigines. "

"Thus the December 21, 2012 AD is not the day where all of the sudden a light switch will flip on and everything will change, rather, we are NOW in the process of this transition from one World Age to the next. The changes are underway and will continue steadily accelerating as we head towards the culminating date!"

Astrological Addiction

2008-04-12T20:27:00.002-03:00

We have been discussing astrology elsewhere and it reminded me of my concerns about the damage it can do.

I have had only a casual interest in astrology. There are certainly things that appear to be right on, but for someone who is totally addicted, it becomes a crutch and a way of abdicating responsibility for their decisions. "It's all fate" "It is written in the stars" "It was fore-ordained, I couldn't help it"

I have always had a very negative attitude toward astrologers and fortune tellers. The gifts we receive, the talents we are given on the path, are given to us for the purpose of truly helping others, not for personal gain and not for parlor games or for self aggrandizement. Should someone have those talents and miss-use them, I believe they are lost to that individual, who then has to rely on a good knowledge of human nature and the ability to read the face, posture and voice of those they read for.

Are "psychics" picking up on something? Yes, at least the good ones see "shadows of what might be." Is it set in stone? No. Unfortunately, it is so often a trap for the Ego and the "psychic" loses any ability they had to perhaps help people to guide their lives on their individual road maps.
Because we have free will within the road map we are born with, it is not possible to predict events with any kind of certainty, only to glimpse the possible consequences of following the road the client is currently on. The great danger with Astrology, is of self-fulfilling prophecies. Predictions that come true because of the client's belief in the fortune teller, store up karma for the fortune teller to work through in future life times. That is a responsibility I would not care to carry, or a debt that I do not care to incur.

I have had far too many experiences to dismiss it as nothing, but I do refuse to either read or be read for. I find that my connection to the All provides me with guidance and answers when I listen. I try very hard to simply carry a lamp to light the path and a mirror to reflect each person's own truths.

Meditation keeps me centered and allows me to listen to that still small voice within.

Always to Start Anew

2008-04-10T21:55:00.000-03:00

To escape time, …

Always to start anew....... Each new year, each new week, each new day, each new minute ... We may always begin again, we may move on from where we were, or we can choose to remain where we are stuck, by our own choice.

This is heady stuff! It means we can begin anew when we have messed up. We can dust the old off our shoes and take up a new path, one of light and love. We can leave the old behind, having learned from it all that we could. There are those who say they have no choice, but that is not exactly true. We always have choice even if it is only choice to do or not do something. We can own ourselves and our choices, in effect becoming master of our own selves, or we can allow the world to make choices for us while we whine that we had no choice. To become masters of our selves, our choices, our destiny, that is worth working for!

What we may not have is fortitude, strength to do what we know to be right for us at that particular time. We see opportunities come and we see them go without us. Sometimes we also lack the wisdom to act on the opportunities that come our way. Our inner selves, our spiritual selves know what is right for us and when. All knowledge is within our selves if we wish to find it.

This is where meditation comes in and can help us commune with our spiritual selves, our subconscious if you will. At some time in our spiritual lives we come to recognize that when we live in harmony with the universal laws, what we need will be drawn to us when we need it. We tend to stop asking for things or for things to work out a particular way. We come to trust the process. We begin to petition only for strength and wisdom for ourselves, the strength to do what is right, and the wisdom to know it.

It has been many years since I have asked for more than strength and wisdom for myself, with one exception. I asked to live long enough to finish what I believe is my task here on earth, and I asked to be able to hold the two persons responsible for my return through the mist two years ago, in my arms just once before I go through the mist again. These two wishes are being granted, and I am so very thankful and so very blessed.

I do petition to have other's burdens lightened, for them to find their strength and wisdom, to have their pain and grief eased, to find enlightenment. Love is the most powerful thing in the universe, and when we petition with love, whether personal or universal, that petition has power to help those we petition for.

Meditation for me, allows me to commune with my inner self, the spiritual self within me. It allows me to reach a state of deep relaxation, leaving my daily cares behind, and renewing my spirit. It also puts me in a mental state conducive to petitioning for others. After years of practice, I find that I can now drop into that state on the count of 3, which can be very useful at times. Using a candle for focus is also useful.

More About My Own Path

2008-03-31T22:08:00.001-03:00

And here is the rest of me. You now know as much about me as I do, ☺

When I became disabled at the age of 40, I was able to return to the rural life I had always loved with unlimited time to pursue my search for answers, the silver lining behind that particular cloud. Initially, having my career cut short devastated me, but with time I saw the benefits. I am now 63 and still pursuing my life long search.

The Native American Red Road, the Jewish Torah, the Wiccan Creed, The Bhagavad-Gita, much of the Buddhist tradition, the Christian Bible, and so much more have all contributed to my path and my exploration of the meaning of life. With the Internet, access to so many more thoughts and thinkers has broadened my search even more.

As a child, I always felt out of place. I also had memories I could not explain and a name that somehow belonged to me. Zareba was that name and it was not until I was in my thirties that I discovered it's meaning. Looking in a very large dictionary, I idly flipped to the back of the book and the word zahriba jumped out at me. It referred to the thorn bush fences built around the nomads’ encampments to keep them and their livestock safe from predators. I have also always tried to provide safe haven to all who find our little time warp, carved out of the hustle and bustle of modern life.

When I started teaching, I adopted the name Arachna to teach under. I believe the teachings and not the teacher are important and wanted to try to stay outside the relationship with students to avoid becoming an idol or guru. I also believe that by the time a student understands what the spider means, they have learned all that I can teach. When asked by a friend to try to assist in a group that she felt was in need of assistance, I again did not want to be personally associated with what I was about to do so coined the name Solo Sonder, a loose translation in to French of solitary seeker, which I certainly am.

After arresting in the ambulance on April 6th, 2006 and being resuscitated at the hospital, then returning to my life in May, two of my closest sisters of the soul gave me a new name. They told me that I must be as the tortoise and go very slowly so that I may live very long. Now in many ways I have become that tortoise. They gave me tangible reminders for my birthday, one a broach which I pinned on my purse so that when I go out, I remember not to push beyond my endurance, and the other a brass box whose shell opens to hide a treasure inside, which I keep by my computer to remind me that I must get up and move around and that I must rest. There will be time enough for all that I must do before I leave this realm.

So Easy - So Hard

2008-03-31T21:18:00.001-03:00

I have spoken extensively about how simple and easy the meditation process is, and of the benefits to be had with regular meditation. However, a comment elsewhere made me realize there is an element of difficulty as well. As with so many other things, one needs motivation in the beginning. If we are seated comfortably in front of the TV with a snack, it is hard to get motivated to walk for half an hour a day. . Perhaps we need to want the results that the exercise brings more than we want to lounge in comfort.. Another typical human characteristic. We all do it.We often choose to meditate to achieve a particular goal, and in today’s fast paced world “we want what we want when we want it, ant we want it NOW”. With this mind set, we give meditation a short trial and if our lives are not forever altered by it, we begin having trouble finding the time.

If our need is great, we will allow for a longer trial and practice faithfully for the recommended twenty minutes twice a day. Those I have known to meditate regularly, were all looking for something more than they already had, as was I. . Even then, we find distractions and excuses to skip the meditation period.

I wanted to reduce stress and heal a very painful ulcer. It kept me meditating long enough to achieve some definite results. The results were so far beyond what I hoped for, that I willingly continued on my spiritual Journey.

True commitment is necessary in order to achieve results … and here is the catch… We need to avoid becoming attached to the goal, the desired result. This goes against everything we learn in our goal driven society. For successful meditation, we need to relax and let it flow, bringing our mind gently back to the meditation when it wanders, and it will wander. We need to find the time to practice even when we think nothing is happening. Here is where it is necessary to not become attached to the goal, but rather to meditate for its own sake, not seeking results.
When I first thought this through, it reminded me very much of hurry up and wait! We must be committed to the goal and at the same time, not be attached to it! Like any long journey, we must take pleasure in the journey itself, and not just the arrival at the destination. If we do not approach it this way, we are not likely to meditate long enough to achieve the desired results. We need to reconcile the opposites in both the process and the purpose.

In my own case, I was a young, mother and career woman in a high pressure situation., very motivated to succeed in both arenas, while nursing the mother of all ulcers. I knew I needed to make changes and meditation came into my life at exactly the right moment. The fact that my partner went through the training with me definitely made it easier for both of us.

We rediscover our truths at a pace we can assimilate them, and so it is with meditation. We progress at a rate that our subconscious determines is the optimum for us. Patience is required. Commitment is required. A certain level of faith is required, particularly in the beginning. Once we start experiencing results, finding the time and avoiding distractions becomes much easier.

My Own Path

2008-03-28T23:31:00.002-03:00

Some have asked where I come from and how I got here, so here is a little about my early years and my search for my path.

Each of us has a unique path to follow, individual goals to achieve, a Journey similar to, but different from all others. We begin in different places. We have different questions to ask and answers to find. We may search in the company of others with similar goals or we may find ourselves in situations where we must walk a solitary path. At different times we may experience both companionship and solitude.

As a child, I felt isolated, different, lost even. If it had not been for my grandparents great goodness and integrity, I doubt that my Path would have found me in this lifetime. I had half-formed memories, feelings of something missing in my life. They provided me with a safe framework within which I could search for meaning in my life.

In my teens, I began searching in earnest, reading the Christian Bible from cover to cover, the Book of Mormon, the Koran, Buddhist, Hindu and Taoist texts, the Teachings of Don Juan and many others followed, but I was not finding my answers because I still did not know the right questions to ask.

In my early twenties, I met the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and learned the Transcendentalist form of Meditation. I was off and running. Again it was not the answer I was seeking, but it gave me a tool to use as a light to seek both inwardly and outwardly. I did not stay with the group, but I am eternally grateful for that chance encounter. It taught me that so many answers are already inside us, waiting to be rediscovered.

I think it was then that I picked up my candle and mirror and began my Journey in earnest. The candle to light my feet over the more treacherous passages on the path and the mirror to reflect back the truths that are already inside all of us. We know when we have found a truth because it resonates within us with such a surety that we cannot doubt its veracity.

A full life with a partner, children and a career did not allow a great deal of time for this but meditation became a first thing in the morning and last thing at night routine. I methodically began reading the holy literature from other cultures and other religions. I came to the Native American Tradition because of a mirror meditation that put me face to face with an ancient Medicine Man, who somehow was also me. A friend from India made me interested in the Hindu faith. A set of books on the world's great religions gave me even more jumping off places. A local branch of Tibetan Buddhism sent me on a search through the Buddhist literature and an ad in a magazine sent me to investigate the Rosicrucians.

In each and every one, I found something that spoke to me, often only a small message, and sometimes almost a coming home but none satisfied all of my questions and needs, so I ended up being a solitary seeker on the road to enlightenment. I have met many on paths similar to mine that kept me from being too lonely. Each seeker I meet teaches me something. I hope that I have been able to contribute to their paths as well.

Seeking Kathy recently of Bamboo Shade

2008-03-17T22:37:00.001-03:00

I hope you see this, Kathy. Renee is looking for you. I thought you had a new blog and that I had a link to it. Guess what. No such luck.

I would also like to see you on line again.

...Z

Control and Meditation

2008-03-17T16:33:00.001-03:00

When we speak of control, we are referring to "self" control. Much of what happens to us is not under our conscious control. However, we can always be in control of our reaction to it. Many do not understand that we have this ability and feel that they are cast adrift in a mighty storm, able only to try to hold on until the storm abates.

In one sense, what occurs in our lives is brought about by our own actions. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction". "As we sow, so shall we reap," even "the golden rule" all allude to this truth. We do bring into our lives that which we need to further our growth and understanding. Since we often don't notice this, we miss opportunities to change our ways, feeling instead that life has been unfair to us. This causes the same event to present repeatedly until we come to understand what we are doing that causes it.

I once expressed sympathy for a woman in a nursing home who was celebrating her 100th birthday alone. My friend responded that if she had been a kind and generous woman through her life, she would not be alone on such a momentous occasion. This did not relieve my pity for the woman, but it certainly gave me cause to think.

Many, if not all, of the basic truths we seek in life have already been distilled down into such familiar homilies. We just don't notice them while searching for an obscure, difficult path to enlightenment. Instead, we search for the ultimate guru, the most obscure path laid down by someone long dead, or at least totally unfamiliar to us.

Meditation helps us to go within ourselves and find these basic truths, bringing our lives into harmony inside and out.

...Z

Musings on Love

2008-03-02T23:34:00.002-04:00

Yesterday one of my daughters by choice married the man of her dreams in a quiet civil ceremony in the living room of their home, followed by a dinner and dance reception in the local Fire Hall. Many families these days are blended, bringing children, pets and what not from a previous partnership. I have observed these two young people over the past few years as they learned about each other, learned to make a family with the two daughters she brought with her,learned to seamlessly integrate a baby into that family,and learned to be each other's best friend.

There is no vine covered cottage, no happily ever after, but they are both committed to each other, their partnership and their children. As I observed this very simple, but very profound ceremony, I realized that what they have is rare in this day and age. Happy tears flowed from both them and their daughters. Vows were said with deep conviction.Love and happiness shone from all of their faces.

It took me back to my own simple wedding ceremony 35 years ago. I sense the same commitment, joy and love in them as I have shared with my partner all these years. It was truly an honor to witness this special event.

On the Many Faces of Love

A recent conversation led me to contemplate the many faces of love and the need for forgiveness in light of the fact that none of us are perfect. It is impossible to go through life without both hurting and being hurt. Forgiveness, therefore, has to be learned and practiced if we do not want to end up unloved and unloving.

It had been over twenty years since my younger sister had spoken with me. When our mother passed away she could not deal with the anger and grief she felt. Since I had been unable to travel half away across the country at that time, she found it easier to direct her anger at me.

When I was so sick last year, my daughter phoned her and discovered that my sister had wanted to reconcile for a long time, but was afraid I would reject her. From my point of view the choice had always been hers. Originally we began corresponding by Instant Messenger once a week. We did not try to reclaim the lost years; it would not have been possible. We simply began the process of getting to know each other all over again.

From the time she was born, we had a deep spiritual connection. She needed only to think about needing to talk to me, and even from a thousand miles away, I would phone her. This was not mind reading, far from it. I simply knew how she was feeling emotionally, and would respond without thinking when she wanted to contact me. This strong a connection is not that rare. People often pick up the phone even before it rings, knowing in advance who it would be. Or they would think about calling someone only to have that person call them before they could follow through with the call.

When she let me back into my accustomed place in her heart, she found it a bit strange initially. I had been there from the time she was born, but had to block her out when she disowned me. It was simply too painful to feel her sorrow and anger without being able to do anything about it. She had forgotten that I had always been there, but as soon as I reminded her, she recalled how empty it felt when I was no longer there. I had not stopped loving her; I just had to do it from a distance.

It was not until last Christmas that I allowed myself to believe that she was back in my life to stay. It was not the gifts she sent, it was the wrapping, the same way we used to do, with a tree ornament on each package. I cried and cried and cried and finally believed. When she flew half way across the country two weeks ago, and showed up at my door as a complete surprise, she also finally believed that all is as it should be and we are truly connected again. It was only a weekend visit, but it was so packed with love and renewal that I could not wish for more.

Forgiveness is very hard to do, it is right up there with I’m sorry. In fact, I think it may be harder to forgive than to apologize, but it can be done. It has to be learned if we do not want to go through life with a heart filled with bitterness and anger, unable to love and losing those we have loved. That does not mean that we forget totally, but the open wound does heal and become a scar. It helps to remember that people don’t usually start out to hurt us, it just happens while they are trying to get their own needs met. The scar is always there, but no longer painful. Many things wound us over the years and we must learn to let those wounds heal for our own benefit, if not for others. I will always bear the scars but it does not stop me from loving.

My love for my two chosen sisters, sisters of my soul, as close to me as it is possible for people to be close runs deeper than I could ever express. They have walked in my soul. I know of no other way to describe what happened in the hospital in April 2006. They came through the mist to bring me back. The image created in my mind was of the three of us sitting around a small bistro table in a glorious garden, while they told me that I could do this. I could come back through the mist, I just needed a bit of help and some extra strength to do so, and both of them gave me all that they had. One of them provided the direction, the other provided the visualization and made her strength available. They created an unbreakable bond between the three of us. They were not even sure they had succeeded until I wrote them from the hospital to try to thank them, although there are really no words for the love and gratitude I feel for them.

There are so many faces of love. The love is no less strong and it is not a matter of loving one more or less than another. Love simply is, it courses through us, bringing beauty to all that we see and do. For instance, my love for my biological daughter began even before she was born. She carries a part of my soul, the part that animated her when still in my womb. Another bond forged of love that cannot be broken.

My love for my daughters by choice is based on the need they had for a maternal figure, which I could provide. It has to do with never refusing to help when there is an observed need. My love for them is no less for that, but I am much more prepared to let them go when the time comes that they no longer have that need. We must all let our children go when it is time for them to pick up their adult responsibilities and create their future. The love remains even as they go forward toward that future.

My love for my partner wears yet another face. It is based on many lifetimes spent together, the trust that comes from knowing each other so well and each putting the needs of the other first. He completes me.

When we are here on this earth, in these bodies, we cannot be perfect. We inevitably hurt one another, not on purpose but because we are unable to totally avoid it. We are simply trying to get our own needs met. We must remember to forgive ourselves as well as those who have caused us pain.

On Finding Happiness

Buddha taught that the root of all pain is desire. My grandmother taught that when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade. TV and the books of fairy tales taught us to expect the vine covered cottage and happily ever after. The third statement does not belong with the fist two, and is, in fact, an impossible dream that has caused more pain than can be measured.

My grandparents and my partner’s parents both managed to make it to the fiftieth anniversary, and after a rough start with a ten year relationship, my second marriage is in its thirty third year, having known each other for forty years. I have no empirical data, just personal experience and observation. None were or are of the vine covered cottage variety. It has taken hard work and commitment to get through the worse years but the good years more than make up for them.

First it is necessary to take responsibility for one’s self, one’s actions and one’s own happiness. If we only stick around for the honeymoon phase, then separate at the first sign of trouble, we will never find our happiness. We will create a life where we are either on top of the moon, head over heels in love (or lust), or in a deep depression over the loss of yet another potential “happily ever after”. We become experts at beginnings and endings, and know nothing about middles, which are the areas we should be expert in.

There is so much we need to know. We need to be able to argue and negotiate without denigrating the other person, sticking to the issue at hand and be willing to compromise. We need to remember to take the other person’s wants and needs into consideration.

On Marriage

As we approach our thirty-fifth wedding anniversary, and forty-two years of knowing each other, my thoughts turn to partnerships, both formalized and common-law.

It is hard to believe in these days, that a marriage can become strong and stay that way. So many young people cop out at the first sign that the honeymoon might be over. That does not mean that we never make mistakes, sometimes we do. In such a case it is best to separate before doing permanent harm to each other.

In order to build a strong foundation together, both parties have to be committed to making it work. Each obstacle that is overcome, makes the parties and the partnership stronger.

Again, I draw on my grandparents and my husband's parents for strength and wisdom. My husband's parents celebrated their 50th before my father-in-law passed on. Mom missed him terribly and I think she was almost glad when a stroke took her through the mist to be with him. My grandparents married young and the union lasted for their lifetimes. Grandma passed on in her early 60s, and Grandpa never even looked at another woman before his death at 87.

I know that it was not all sunshine and laughter. They survived many conflicts and traumas together, partly because of society's demand that marriage be 'till death do you part, and partly because surmounting each obstacle made the union stronger and more prepared to deal with the next. In their twilight years, they did not become bitter old people, they did not regret the way they had lived their lives. They lived honorably to the best of their ability and were content.

I hope to be as content at the end of my days as they were. Although my first marriage was a mistake, I do not believe this one is. My only real regret is that this being my second marriage, we will not likely be able to celebrate our fiftieth together, rocking on the front porch in companionable silence.

Forgiveness (Response to a Question About Identifying It)

2008-03-01T14:24:00.003-04:00

When we have been deeply hurt, we don't tend to ever forget, but we can forgive those who have harmed us. In fact, for our own benefit we must find a way.
I suspect you have still not forgiven them. When we can look beyond the pain they have caused us and see that they deserve pity more than anger, we can move on knowing that they have harmed themselves more than us. We will also come to the realization that our anger is hurting us more than the original wound. The wound can heal, but the aggravation caused by the constant blaming and anger are keeping the wound open and even causing an infection that could well destroy any hope for our happiness in this life time. It is impossible to move on while clinging to the hurts of the past.

An in depth analysis of why you are hurt and angry can give you a starting place to begin the healing process. These need to be "I feel" statements, not "you made me" statements. If you find yourself becoming defensive, you can be sure you have not forgiven. The blame game was invented to protect us from taking responsibility for our own actions.Unfortunately it also protects us from healing and moving on in life. Nothing happens in a vacuum. We need to accept that it takes two to make or break a relationship and if it is broken we must accept some of the responsibility, even if it is only that we failed to read the signs until it is too late.

When we get to a point that we can look at the person who hurt us with compassion and not blame or resentment, we are in danger of internalizing the blame and in effect, absolving the other person...with statements like "I should have seen it coming. I should have tried harder. I should never have trusted." and so on. Notice that these are "I" messages, but they are negative messages. Try "I did the best I could. I should learn from the experience and take that knowledge with me into any new relationship." Since we are human we all make mistakes, we just need to try to not make the same ones over again. In order to do this, it is necessary to reach beyond the ego and forgive it as a parent would a child.

When dealing with the emotions of the ego, meditation is a way of going beyond the ego and seeing ourselves as the spiritual beings we are. When trying to understand and rise above some negative emotions the problem can be taken into meditation and a solution is often found there. You might try a "Why am I ...." meditation in which you could start by asking yourself why you are angry and waiting patiently for an answer to form in your mind. When it done, it will probably not be the true root of the problem right away. If you know this to be true, you can dismiss the answer you have found and again ask yourself why you are .... whatever the first answer was. This method can scare up some surprising answers and help us farther along our path. You might even try free association with pencil and paper. Again, much can be learned from keeping an honest journal. It need not be written in every day, but record the circumstances when an event or emotion arises.

So much of what we learn is intuitive and not easily translated into words. It would be wonderful to sit down over coffee and engage in true one on one conversation, but c'est la vie. It would also help if we could develop a shared vocabulary between man and woman in order to share our feelings and be met with understanding. We will try to work on that one.

Self Blame - Self Forgiveness (reposted)

2008-03-01T14:21:00.000-04:00

First, it is necessary to understand these feelings...look them right in the eye...then forgive ourselves for what we saw as failure. Life presents us with lessons, there is no success or failure as such. There is only learning and growing. Each step we make brings us closer to the goal.
There has been a great deal written about learning to forgive and to love our selves. We can not truly love another until we can love ourselves unconditionally. The negative feelings are coming from the ego. I believe that psychology refers to it as the inner child. We have to nurture that ego, that child, in order to bring it into balance with the whole. This is the emotional pillar that needs to be brought back into balance. The ego must learn that it is not the owner of the temple, therefore it is also not responsible for everything that goes wrong.

I'm not sure if we are born with this tendency to blame ourselves for everything or if it is something our parents and society teaches us when we are very young. I have seen this in operation over and over again. The child believes he caused the parents to break up and must bring them back together to rid itself of the blame. My older daughter passed on from encephalitis when she was five and my younger daughter was just three. It was not until she was grown that I found out she had always thought that she had caused her sister's demise. They had been playing in their bedroom a week or so before, and my older daughter fell and cut her lip against the corner of the dresser. That is what my younger daughter though had been the cause. That kind of self blame is so insidious because we grow up with it and are generally unaware that we are even doing it. By the time we are adults, we search for blame for everything that goes wrong. Sometimes we blame others and sometimes we blame ourselves...or both. As hard as it is, I believe it is easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ones self.

Self blame feeds depression and vice versa...a real catch 22. We need to break the cycle, to accept ourselves and own our actions and to see ourselves as worthy of love. A tall order, but it can be done. Sometimes it helps to sit down with a notebook and pen and try to identify why you are feeling bad about yourself, then look behind those reasons to see the root of the problem. Identifying the problem is at least 50% of the cure. With some idea of the dynamic it is possible to tailor a meditation to work with it.

Forgiveness

2008-02-21T16:04:00.001-04:00

Again, meditation can be of great benefit when we are clearing out the old pains and angers. In order to be healthy, we have to be aware of our emotions and work through the negative ones, replacing them with understanding and forgiveness.

Below is an article that I saved some time ago which I believe is useful..

Why Should I Forgive?

Think of forgiveness as a gift that you give to yourself. It is not something you do for the person who hurt you. It is a gift to yourself because it enables you to stop feeling painful feelings and pushing others away. Forgiveness frees you from anger and allows you to restore your ability to have close and satisfying relationships with others.

Anger is a poisonous emotion that comes from being hurt. When you are consumed with anger and bitterness, it hurts you at least as much as it hurts the person who has harmed you. It is as if you are filled with poison. If these feelings are not resolved, they can begin to eat you up inside. You have two choices: to stay connected to the person who hurt you by keeping these poisonous feelings alive, or to let the feelings go and forgive the person who harmed you. When you withhold forgiveness, think about who is actually being hurt. It is more than likely that the person who is filled with anger and anxiety is you, not the other person.

What Forgiveness Is Not

Forgiving another does not mean you will never again feel the pain or remember the thing that hurt you. The hurtful experience will be in your memory forever. By forgiving, you are not pretending the hurtful behavior never happened. It did happen. The important thing is to learn from it while letting go of the painful feelings.

Forgiveness is not about right or wrong. It doesn’t mean that the person’s behavior was okay. You are not excusing their behavior or giving permission for the behavior to be repeated or continued.

When you forgive another, it does not mean you wish to continue your relationship with them. This is a separate decision. You can forgive a person and live your life apart from them.
Forgiveness can only take place because we have the ability to make choices. This ability is a gift that we can use it whenever we wish. We have the choice to forgive or not to forgive. No other person can force us to do either.

http://www.creativecounselors.com/articles/forgive.htm

Forgiveness Revisited

2008-02-14T17:56:00.003-04:00

With all the thoughts of love and loved ones filling the air, my mind turned to forgiveness again. So many people have been torn apart by inability to forgive and move forward.

It appears that forgiveness is like a fish bone. It sticks in the throat and chokes many who want to forgive but just can't mean the words. I used to thing that "I'm sorry" were the hardest words to say in the English language. I may be wrong. It seems to be "I forgive you" and mean it.

We don't forgive for the benefit of the one who has hurt us, we do it for ourselves. Anger, bitterness, resentment, vengefulness are all emotions that hurt the one playing host to them. They poisons our minds and hearts, making it impossible for us to truly enjoy life.

Rather than repeat myself, I will post two short articles I wrote on the subject a while back and a follow up written recently. If you do not have a problem with forgiveness, please feel free to skip the next three posts. ☺

Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

2008-02-07T18:00:00.000-04:00

Maharishi Mahesh Yogi left his body behind on Tuesday February 5th, 2008. He was 91 years old and had lived a very full life.

Although I had not thought of him for a long time, I do owe him a debt of gratitude. Many years ago when I was in my early twenties, he was active in Toronto, teaching about the benefits of meditation and a specific method that would bring results fairly quickly if one practiced it for twenty minutes twice a day. I was intrigued because I had a stressful life as well as a stressful career at that time. I was also hosting a very large stomach ulcer. I attended the lecture then received my individual meditation instructions. There was a follow-up a few weeks later to check and make sure the instructions were being followed. This was my introduction to meditation and it's benefits.

Although I did not follow his Path, it is because of him that I found my own Path.
Much has happened since then, but meditation carried me through the ups and downs in my life and kept me on my Path when I would have given up. I have learned a great deal, found out I know even less and kept my feet firmly planted most of the time.
...Z

A Train Ride

2008-01-29T16:09:00.000-04:00

I stood at the door, staring out at the night,
alone in the crowd, on the train that night.
The stops went by, the doors closed tight.
My panic rose and I had to fight
the fear that rose in my heart that night.
I felt something wrong, they thought it right
to travel to nowhere, forever in the night.
My heart stood still, I had to alight.
Back again to where it all began,
the doors opened up and I almost ran.
It mattered not that they felt fine
to stay on the train at the end of the line.
I stepped out with a heart so free.
Most of the others that I could see,
content to ride in the endless night.
The crowd seemed to feel that it was right.
I followed the few who left the train
and felt that all was well again.
We moved along in single file.
I looked and wondered all the while.
The big recycler stood alone.
I walked in and was instantly gone.
I watched and saw, overlooking the train
that it simply all began again.
The choice was mine to leave the train.
I need not ride again and again.
All I needed was to know
and the desire that I should go,
to leave the train and travel on,
to see their fate and find my own.

The Hunger Moon

2008-01-29T15:22:00.000-04:00

I had planned to write an article about February when post about The Hunger Moon crystallized it for me.

January's Full Wolf Moon resonates with the howl of the wolf for me. Growing up in rural north-central Ontario, we had plenty of wildlife. It has now changed but I still remember the cold, crisp, starry nights of January, standing outside at the corner of the house and howling to get the wolves going. They would answer and continue as long as we did. The wonder and beauty would keep us out there until our noses and ears stung from the cold. This bitter cold winter takes me back to those sub-zero nights. We no longer have the great snow drifts covered by a thin crust formed in the January thaw. Each time we went out to play, we would be cautioned to stay away from the power wires. I have not seen such drifts in many years. I am grateful that we do not have the outdoor plumbing that we had in my childhood. I am also grateful to the friend who shared a midi of wolves howling with me.

I still find it the coldest and the brokest (after Christmas) month of the year, but I find February with its Full Hunger Moon to be the longest month. After December and January, the winter snow, ice, cold and shoveling have lost their charm. Tobogganing on a neighbor's hill and making a Fox and Geese track in the snow of the school yard, which lasted to spring melt had also become stale. So had skating on the river with a bonfire in the middle of the cleared ice. When the fire burned through and fell into the river, it was time to put away the skates and dig out the hoe.

I long for March, with its promise of spring to come. March seldom delivers on that promise, but year after year, I hope. I yearn for the first rite of spring, digging little channels from one puddle to the next, ultimately to drain away and dry up.

Over the years, I have devised ways to break up this long month of cold, snow and dark skies, and make the wait more bearable. One is to have a picnic, particularly if there are children around. Prepare all of the foods you would normally take on a summer picnic. Spread a blanket on the family room floor, topped with the picnic table cloth. Scatter the plastic ants, throw down some cushions and spread out the picnic. Everyone will enjoy the break and chat about great picnics past and those yet to come. With children, it is even more fun if you can make it a surprise.

Another thing I have done is to make a complete fondue meal with hot oil, cheese and chocolate. Put a door on low stools, spread out the cushions and prepare the fondue pots and the goodies to dip. Again, with it being on the floor, we tend to see it as extra special, and will linger over the food, both reminiscing and planning.

If anyone has other February events, it would be great to share them.

Note:From the Farmers Almanac http://www.farmersalmanac.com/full-moon-names

Full Moon names date back to Native Americans, of what is now the northern and eastern United States. The tribes kept track of the seasons by giving distinctive names to each recurring full Moon. Their names were applied to the entire month in which each occurred. There was some variation in the Moon names, but in general, the same ones were current throughout the Algonquin tribes from New England to Lake Superior. European settlers followed that custom and created some of their own names. Since the lunar month is only 29 days long on the average, the full Moon dates shift from year to year. Here is the Farmers Almanac's list of the full Moon names.

• Full Wolf Moon - January Amid the cold and deep snows of midwinter, the wolf packs howled hungrily outside Indian villages. Thus, the name for January's full Moon. Sometimes it was also referred to as the Old Moon, or the Moon After Yule. Some called it the Full Snow Moon, but most tribes applied that name to the next Moon.

• Full Snow Moon - February Since the heaviest snow usually falls during this month, native tribes of the north and east most often called February's full Moon the Full Snow Moon. Some tribes also referred to this Moon as the Full Hunger Moon, since harsh weather conditions in their areas made hunting very difficult.

• Full Worm - March Moon As the temperature begins to warm and the ground begins to thaw, earthworm casts appear, heralding the return of the robins. The more northern tribes knew this Moon as the Full Crow Moon, when the cawing of crows signaled the end of winter; or the Full Crust Moon, because the snow cover becomes crusted from thawing by day and freezing at night. The Full Sap Moon, marking the time of tapping maple trees, is another variation. To the settlers, it was also known as the Lenten Moon, and was considered to be the last full Moon of winter.

• Full Pink Moon - April This name came from the herb moss pink, or wild ground phlox, which is one of the earliest widespread flowers of the spring. Other names for this month's celestial body include the Full Sprouting Grass Moon, the Egg Moon, and among coastal tribes the Full Fish Moon, because this was the time that the shad swam upstream to spawn.

• Full Flower Moon - May In most areas, flowers are abundant everywhere during this time. Thus, the name of this Moon. Other names include the Full Corn Planting Moon, or the Milk Moon

• Full Strawberry Moon - June This name was universal to every Algonquin tribe. However, in Europe they called it the Rose Moon. Also because the relatively short season for harvesting strawberries comes each year during the month of June . . . so the full Moon that occurs during that month was christened for the strawberry!

• The Full Buck Moon - July July is normally the month when the new antlers of buck deer push out of their foreheads in coatings of velvety fur. It was also often called the Full Thunder Moon, for the reason that thunderstorms are most frequent during this time. Another name for this month's Moon was the Full Hay Moon.

• Full Sturgeon Moon - August The fishing tribes are given credit for the naming of this Moon, since sturgeon, a large fish of the Great Lakes and other major bodies of water, were most readily caught during this month. A few tribes knew it as the Full Red Moon because, as the Moon rises, it appears reddish through any sultry haze. It was also called the Green Corn Moon or Grain Moon.

• Full Harvest Moon - September This is the full Moon that occurs closest to the autumn equinox. In two years out of three, the Harvest Moon comes in September, but in some years it occurs in October. At the peak of harvest, farmers can work late into the night by the light of this Moon. Usually the full Moon rises an average of 50 minutes later each night, but for the few nights around the Harvest Moon, the Moon seems to rise at nearly the same time each night: just 25 to 30 minutes later across the U.S., and only 10 to 20 minutes later for much of Canada and Europe. Corn, pumpkins, squash, beans, and wild rice the chief Indian staples are now ready for gathering.

• Full Hunter's Moon - October With the leaves falling and the deer fattened, it is time to hunt. Since the fields have been reaped, hunters can easily see fox and the animals which have come out to glean.

• Full Beaver Moon - November This was the time to set beaver traps before the swamps froze, to ensure a supply of warm winter furs. Another interpretation suggests that the name Full Beaver Moon comes from the fact that the beavers are now actively preparing for winter. It is sometimes also referred to as the Frosty Moon.

• The Full Cold Moon; or the Full Long Nights Moon - December During this month the winter cold fastens its grip, and nights are at their longest and darkest. It is also sometimes called the Moon before Yule. The term Long Night Moon is a doubly appropriate name because the midwinter night is indeed long, and because the Moon is above the horizon for a long time. The midwinter full Moon has a high trajectory across the sky because it is opposite a low Sun.

Balance-The Mental Pillar

2008-01-15T20:33:00.000-04:00

While reviewing the series of Meditation posts, I noticed that I had overlooked the Balance-The Mental Pillar. In the event that anyone is saving this series, I have copied it below.

When we get to the pillar of the mind, we need to consider what makes a healthy mind, and what part it plays in the total picture. The mind is an ultra-sophisticated computer and like a computer, it can not function smoothly without basic programming and input.

We need to open ourselves to a wide variety of experiences in order to enrich our data base, and be able to think about many different things. The mind that is active, exploring new ideas, learning new skills, thinking for the sheer pleasure of it is a healthy, happy mind.

We need to interact with others, learn communication skills, share knowledge to keep the mind working well. Without this, we can not search for what will make us whole. We become stagnant, stuck in the same old rut with only vague feelings of something missing, which leads us to the emotional pillar.

If we can not identify what we are searching for, we can make unwise decisions and choices in an attempt to fill that void. We can form unhealthy relationships, fall prey to extortive cults, suffer from long term depression, even become unable to function in our world.

On Anger ... Again

2008-01-14T17:40:00.000-04:00

Again, I have been considering meditation in relation to the mask of anger. Those who know me, know that I firmly believe that anger isn't a true emotion, but rather a mask to hide true emotions even from ourselves.

There has been much discussion of anger around me again lately, and it's effects on both us and those we love, sometimes even tainting the love we feel for someone special.The particular comment that started me writing this was "Even anger must flow freely else it becomes dammed up and spills out inappropriately elsewhere." I agree fully with this, however I probably differ in the method used to direct the flow.

I was born a Leo, with the claws and fangs to prove it. In my teens, my anger was totally uncontrolled. I felt justified every time I took out my claws, sharpened then used them, with no regard for who it might damage. That was not healthy for me or the recipient of my rages, nor does it help to make and maintain good relationships.

One of the first things I had to learn as a young adult was how to tame the beast, and that is exactly what has to be done "tame the beast". You can not put it in the closet and hope it will go away. Things left in the closet tend to grow, it is pretty fertile in there, you know. You can not deny it's existence, it will reach out and bite you as soon as your back is turned. You can not break it like you might break a wild horse. (Wrong way to treat the horse too). You can not just wish it away, and you can not simply let it continue to let it rule your life, particularly if you have a relatively new partnership and a couple of sprouts, as prip calls them. Unfettered anger is hard on relationships and teaches children the wrong lessons.

For me, the saving grace was discovering meditation and the roads to discovery that it took me down. As soon as I started to dabble in it, my innate curiosity took control and I began to investigate the Eastern religions with a vengeance. I did not find the answers I was seeking but I did find the key to anger, at least for me. I became an "Anger Whisperer". I learned to go into the storm and seek the causes. Carved into the rock lintel of the Oracle at Delphi are the words "Know Thyself", which was my first clue. My readings from the book The Compassionate Buddha provided more clues. Many other books and investigations added more pieces to the puzzle, until I was ready to look beyond the obvious. The tools, I had to find myself. After taking the problems that anger causes into meditation, I began to look behind the face of anger to see what was hiding there, what the triggers were that let it loose.

That is when I really started to grow. I saw that each time I let anger out of it's cell, it immediately sprang to my defense, sheltering me from so many emotions that I did not want to own, let alone deal with. If I was afraid, anger would spring up and hide the fear, if I was embarrassed, anger would cover that emotion too, if I felt inadequate, anger was there to hide it from me. What a big task I had set myself..................I had to look at the bare, unpretty sides of myself that I did not want to have anything to do with, but if I was to tame anger, I had to go there.

I looked at my fear each time anger sprang up to hide it from me. As soon as I chose to examine the fear, anger subsided and slunk back into it's den. One piece of the puzzle solved. If I accepted that I had so many fears, anger left me alone to examine them. There was fear of pain, fear of failure, fear of discovery of my unworthiness, fear of being taken advantage of, fear of ridicule, fear of embarrassment, so very many fears that I had no idea I had. What a mess I discovered myself to be, but as they say, acknowledgment of a problem is more than half of the solution thereof. With a wee bit of faith, I began tackling the fears. Each one that I confronted and became familiar with faded into the background, or at least came to me without having anger clear the way.

The day finally came when I was able to look at a situation and say to the person causing me the pain "That really hurt me" while the tears streamed down my face, naked vulnerability where anger used to be. The biggest surprise was that the person causing my pain did not flare up with an anger even bigger than my own had been. They stopped in their tracks, amazement written all over their face as they looked at the whole situation in a totally new light. Both they and I had broken down a barrier to real communication. I am not saying that will happen each and every time one looks behind the mask of fear, because it will not. But it happens often enough that anger now plays a very small part in my life and I am really in tune with who and what I am. Those around me react in different ways, some run for the hills as fast as their little legs can carry them, screaming all the way, some pull up a chair and settle in to having a deep, rich, meaningful relationship, and others do a combination of both, while still others feel the magnetic charge before approaching and are repelled instantly. That's OK because I know that I am being true to myself and I can look into the eyes of the person in the mirror without flinching.
This growth, this owning of all of myself did not happen over night, it is the culmination of over 40 years of soul searching and making every attempt to become the best ME that I can be. Much of my poetry and observations comes from studying and examining both the human condition in general, and my own flaws and growth in particular.

As I near the end of my days, I can look back on my life with few regrets, knowing I have done the best I could with the knowledge and tools that I had, and I am not done growing yet. I am just beginning to understand what I see in the mist beyond the veil, and groping for the words to express what I see.

The Fairy Godmother Department

2008-01-12T18:15:00.000-04:00

We always wonder why we are not showered with good things when we start to consciously practice being the best person we can be. While the things we need are drawn to us exactly when we need them, other things we expect do not materialize. If, for instance, our motive for pursuing the Path is to win the lottery, your chances for success are slim. If you need to make next month's rent, the means will be provided.

When asking for help, we must remember to clearly ask for what we actually need and trust that it will be provided, probably in a way that seems least likely. Do not tell the Creator how to look after us, simply trust that we will be looked after.

I have always explained this phenomena with a bit of tongue in cheek, by explaining that the Fairy Godmother Department is staffed only by one little old lady in a rocking chair, knitting on her knee, kitten at her feet. She reviews the requests as quickly as she can, granting those that are legitimate, but the backlog is very large.

On the other hand, everyone wants to work in the Practical Joke Department, and many of them have a very strange sense of humor. Most gift refusals are channeled through them. Knowing this, it is probably a very good idea to really consider what we ask for before actually asking.

I have recently had experience with both departments. Twice just before Christmas 2005, my heart was artificially stopped and restarted in an attempt to return it to it's proper rhythm, the second time was successful. I can not pretend that I was not a little bit afraid, afraid of more pain, afraid of more suffering, but not afraid of passing over the final threshold in this life. I have stood on this particular threshold many times in the past, only to turn back and stay a while longer. I am not finished with this life, or at least it is not finished with me. Nor is the Practical Joke Department finished with me. Early morning on Christmas eve and my blood pressure was 205/109 with a pulse rate of 79, but it was steady and consistent, no flutter, so I got to go home in the afternoon. It was a reminder to slow down, take it easy and carefully as I started to regain my strength and resume my life.

Needless to say, preparations for Christmas were stopped in their tracks, no gifts bought or made and wrapped, no decorations up, very little special baking done............yet it was one of the best Christmases ever. My family's' only wish was that I would be home for Christmas, and I made it home just in time to curl up under the tree for Christmas morning. My very first experience at being a gift.

We never know how much we are loved until there is a danger of being lost. My family, both blood and chosen, dropped everything to come and see me even though it was hard to do. The love that surrounds me sustains me still.

My wish for everyone is to experience such love, and to recognize it when it is there. Do not let the sun go down on a quarrel, do not forget to tell those you love, just how important they are to you. The most powerful force in the universe is love, but it is easy to forget to show that love each and every day.

When I leave this world, I would like to work in the Fairy Godmother Department.

I Googled Me

2008-01-12T17:58:00.000-04:00

A while back, someone pointed out that there were not many hits on Google's front page for me as Zareba. Most are for some fencing company in Europe, and none were for my book.

On a whim, I wondered if there would be any hits under ZarebaToo, which is my email name. I have been Zareba from childhood, but on the Internet, I discovered the name already taken, so I added the Too. To satisfy my curiosity, I just Googled me and came up with 149 hits on 10 pages..... me... all ... me!

I am sitting here laughing as I type this. I can't help but think it is a Cosmic joke. I have previously written about the Fairy Godmother Department and the Practical Joke Department, and about feeling like we are used as target practice. Had that person not pointed out the lack of references on Google, I would never even have thought about checking for Zarebatoo!

Here is the poem:

No One There

He uses us for target practice
Scoring near misses only,
Never a direct hit.
A direct hit would mean
That we could not be used
As targets anymore.
The funny thing is:

There’s no one there.

And I will repost the article about the Fairly Godmother Department in my next post.

Secrets of the Soul DVD

2008-01-08T18:07:00.000-04:00

I have had the pleasure of reviewing this DVD and my comments are below.

“Secrets of the Soul” explores the search for the soul through history as well as the scientific quest for proof of the existence of a soul. The findings are presented in an impartial manner, neither promoting nor denigrating any of the theories it explores. It is eminently watchable, even captivating. I watched it with my adult daughter and she had the same response..

The first section, called “The Searchers”, documents the search through the ages, from ancient man to present day vision quests. It traces belief in an afterlife from the burial rites and cave paintings of early man, as well as compares religious and cultural differences around the world.

The second section is called “The Investigators”. It traces scientific investigation from the early experiments attempting to weigh the soul at the moment of death to present day investigation of mediums, near-death experiences, and people’s memories of an earlier life. Again, it puts forward no opinion, only the information they have gathered.

More information about the DVD can be found at http://www.secretsofthesoul.net/static.php?page=static071026-083752 or at http://www.secretsofthesoul.net/ as well as other worthwhile articles.

The End of Days

2007-12-25T21:45:00.000-04:00

This was written in September 2002, in response to the predictions of total anarchy, the end of life on Earth and even the end of the Earth itself. People were stockpiling food, clothing, tools, weapons, anything they could imagine needing when they woke up tomorrow to utter destruction.

One of the first prophecies of the end times came from Nostradamus and had to do with the Jews going home, which they did a number of years ago. The Middle East has not settled down since. Another of his prophecies had to do with the mark of the beast on the forehead of a world leader, and was interpreted to mean the birthmark on Gorbachev’s head. Much was written about the bear and the eagle, possibly referring to Russia and the U. S., or perhaps China.
Even the book of Revelation in the Christian Bible referred to the end times in graphic detail. More of these prophecies are coming true with each passing day, the end of the world as we know it is more and more certain. Operation Desert Storm brought us closer to the end as did the American declaration of war on terrorism.

Iraq is heating up. India and Pakistan are at the ready and both have nuclear weapons, in part, thanks to Canada giving freely of our technology to make nuclear reactors to generate electric power. China is ominously silent. Both nuclear and chemical weapons exist in abundance. The ability to deliver such weapons anywhere in the world is an accepted fact.
The attack on the U.S. September 11th last year signaled the end of innocence and freedom as we know it. More and more freedoms are being taken away in the name of safety and the populace is accepting gladly these changes. The world economy is shaken to its very roots. The U.S. economy is heading for a very real, very drastic upheaval as the bills for the aftermath of 9/11 come due. The Japanese economy teeters on the brink. Even here at home, we lose services at a steady rate without making any real dent in the national debt. More of the world’s population slips below the poverty line every day. Starvation is no longer a Third World prerogative. It is happening right here at home.

Everywhere there are predictions of dire events, global warming, untreatable disease, floods, droughts, famine, earthquakes, destruction of our environment at an incredible rate, holes in the ozone layer, extinction of more and more species of both plant and animal life before they can even be cataloged.

I think it is obvious that if we do not succeed in wiping ourselves off the face of the earth, Gaea will have a flea bath and certainly reduce the number of Earth’s inhabitants drastically. There is truly no way to prepare for what is to come. Because the course of history is cyclic, civilizations rising and falling, going all the way back to the decimation of the dinosaurs, Atlantis, Egypt, Athens, Pompeii, Rome, the Biblical Flood (a version of which exists in all religious histories), the European Dark Ages, the British Empire, the Russian Tsars, and now the USSR, Aztecs, Incas, and the list goes on, Life itself is in an eternal spiral of becoming, such that with every turn of the wheel, civilizations fall, but with something left over to begin again with, I believe our emphasis must be not on saving life, but on saving souls. Death, is the eventual outcome of all births, and as we know, death is simply a rebirth on another level. Panic is not called for; we are simply living in the end times of another civilization.

Because it has become truly a Global Village, we are much more aware of what is happening than in the past, which means that the general populace is privy to much more “News” than even twenty years ago. I am not sure I would want to survive, at my age, to greet a “Brave New World” where living simply is a must, with no medical services, no system of care for the elderly nor any of the modern conveniences that make life easier as we age. I believe that is the job of the young. There will certainly be survivors to repopulate the world and start the cycle once more. It would be hoped that these survivors would be much more spiritually aware than past generations.

Perhaps our responsibility lies in trying to make for a more enlightened populace. People are definitely searching for answers, for a better way, for connection with the Divine, the Creator, the Cosmic All. That is why so many Eastern Religions have taken hold in the West, among them Buddhism, Baha’i, Hare Krishna, Transcendentalism, Wicca, Native Medicine, Spiritualism, plus any number of fakes allying themselves with the New Age movement. I see our role as one of bringing light to the dark recesses of the human condition, in all possible ways.

What is old. What is new.

2007-12-25T21:38:00.000-04:00

What is old is me. What is new is this Christmas Day.

Last year, I wrote about passing the torch, and the need for the younger generation to learn to make Christmas before that knowledge dies out with the old ones. This year has been a totally new experience for this older child. I had been dreading Christmas in a way. As most of you know, I am not that strong any more and the idea of making Christmas, including Christmas dinner was a daunting one. The idea of going to the city for Christmas was out of the question.

I never even considered bringing (or taking) Christmas! However, my daughter arrived from the city last week, stayed two nights, and went with her dad to get the tree, then took me shopping for my gifts for him. In the evening he strung the lights and she decorated with his help. When she left the next morning, Christmas had arrived in our house.

The second hurtle, Christmas dinner, which we had cooked for the past 33 years without interruption, was to be catered...by her and her partner. They cooked all day Christmas Eve, then headed here in the morning, turkey, veggies, pies and Champagne with orange juice in hand. Her dad lit the kitchen range and promised to make the gravy. They warmed everything up, set the table, shared a morning champagne, opened gifts and we sat down to a very leisurely mid-afternoon dinner. Before leaving to go home again, they cleared the table, did the dishes, shared out the leftovers and put our portion in the fridge. All was left the way they found it this morning...except we have wonderful leftovers for tomorrow.

I could not feel more loved!

I pray for everyone to be surrounded by such love in this special season and all year long.

The Magic

2007-12-24T15:16:00.000-04:00

I wrote this a few years ago, but I believe it is still very relevant particularly at Christmas time when magic fills the air.

The Magic

With our changing world, so much of the continuity with the past has been lost, partly due to the breakup of the extended family and the frailty of the marriage bond. This is a major concern because it is part of the magic that children used to inherit from the older generations. It allowed them to know what was real and what was make believe, but also allowed them to dream great dreams. If our children do not dream, they will not do great things, a recipe for disaster in these most terrible of times.
So much of the magic is gone that many young parents do not even know about it, so how are they to teach their children. What always comes to mind when I think of this is the news item a while back about a young boy who shot his brother, then waited for him to come back to life and continue playing. He had been brought up on a steady diet of violence on TV and in the video games his parents used as baby sitters, and they said Mother Goose is too violent for the current crop of children. At least with Mother Goose, Grimm’s and grandparent’s stories, we knew what was make believe and we absorbed the moral of each story without even noticing.
We also absorbed the moral fiber of their generation along with our daily bread. We knew what was right and what was honorable. We knew that dead was dead. At the same time, our innocence was preserved for as long as possible to give us time to mature enough to handle the harsh realities.
We now live in a society that is stressed to the extreme just trying to provide the necessities of life. Family play time or story time, or even participation in group activities has become extremely rare. These are the times that should be providing the magic of dreaming big. I was always told that if I wanted something bad enough I would find a way, that hard work and integrity were rewarded, that I could be anything I wanted to become. … When my daughter was in grade 7, her teacher told her she would make a good secretary, not to dream beyond what was logically do-able. We had words, that teacher and I!
The schools are letting the children down and the parents are not taking up the slack, they simply exhaust themselves trying to survive and there is nothing left over for the children. Everything is done in the fast lane, even cooking dinner is seen as taking away from quality family time.
There is no time to cook, no time to teach, no time to participate in activities together, no time to share memories of accomplishments, dreams and ambitions, no time to learn sportsmanship, life skills … and on and on. Often there are no aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents … and the rest of the extended community that earlier generations belonged to and were supported by. WE have become a restless, rootless society.
When something died, it was given a fitting burial and the occasion was used to teach the sanctity of life, the logical rhythm of living and dying. Now, the dead thing is disposed of and the children are told that it went to live with Aunt Martha on the farm.
Parents don’t face the big questions with their children; they take the line of least resistance. This may be because they did not learn these things in their childhood either. The first funeral my children went to was for a favorite goldfish. The children decided the fish was hungry and gave it a whole oatmeal cookie. The next morning, I found the fish had tried very hard to eat it all, but had not been up to the task. He barely fit into the match box for his burial, but we sent him on to the next world with full honors and the children knew that dead is dead and he was not going to wake up.
I am not saying that there are no good people left, only that the balance has shifted with more young parents not having learned the skills and are now unable to pass them on. With the extended family being the exception rather than the rule, there is room for the “family by choice”. I personally have three daughters by choice, yielding five grandchildren by choice as well, who all enrich my life immensely. I am seeing more of this and I believe it may hold some hope for the future.
There are really no words to describe exactly what this missing magic looks like to anyone who has not experienced it, but maybe part of the answer is for those of us who know to reach out to those younger ones who know there is something missing, and help them find it.

Peace Profound

2007-12-19T20:44:00.000-04:00

My life of pain is written
In the tears upon my face.
My capacity for joy is written
In the depth behind my eyes.

Understanding is reflected
In the timbre of my voice.
Peace Profound is waiting
In a chamber in my heart.

The events of each day
Form the path I must take
To reach the chamber
Holding ultimate bliss,

And gladly I walk
Through the refining fire,
To reach such an ultimate goal.

May the Peace and joy of the season find all of you

...Z

Journey Into Being, A Beginning

2007-12-16T23:44:00.000-04:00

This is in response to Paul's comment on Anger-The Book Review.

After publishing the book in October 2005, I became very ill and expired in an ambulance on April 6, 2006. Herculean efforts resuscitated me and I came out of intensive care and home only one month later. It was love that brought me back, and love that keeps me here. I have done no more with the book as I am working on either a second book or a second edition, not sure which, adding new material and changing it to Journey Into Being-A Lifetime On The Path. My DH thinks I should call it The Spiral Path. Since I am in the latter stages of COPD, I tire easily and need to rest more often. It is slow going but I believe I will be able to publish it. There is a link to the book at the end of the blog links to the right of the body of this blog.

I am also working on another book, Dialog Between Teacher And Student. It will trace the communication between teacher and student over a 5 year period, with emphasis on the fact that we are all teachers, we are all students.

It is still my desire to keep the charting of my course free, and to that end, I post most of the material here. If one were to read this blog from the beginning 'till now, you could follow my course through this life.

Due to time constraints, I have not kept the My Space blog up to date but there is a note there directing anyone intersted to this blog.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Journey Into Being, The Book

Since the 1970's, I have kept a journal of jottings tracking my own journey toward enlightenment, things I have learned, observed and recorded over a 30 year period. In 1982, I compiled them into a small volume for family and close friends (6 copies). Last year, with the passing of a very dear friend, these early jottings came back into my possession.

Due to the extreme pressure from these same family and friends, I agreed to up-date the collection and compile it into a book for publication. Most of the mare rial comes from my early thirties, juggling a career and a life, while at the same time pursuing my personal quest to "become" an enlightened being. I have added more recent material as well, but it is truly a Journey Into Being, A Beginning!

Since I do not believe in putting a dollar value on anything I may have learned that would be of benefit to others, I was in a bit of a quandary, which I solved by setting up this blog and another at My Space At MSN. Between the two sites, I hope to offer things I have learned about life and living it, freely to anyone who may enjoy or benefit from my experiences.

The pressure to publish continues, and with the help and encouragement of family and friends, I believe the book will be ready to print by the end of October. I have found a site that will print and distribute it, taking their fees out of the proceeds for each book as it is printed. In this way, I need not pay any costs up front, making it possible for me to do. My course is being charted by the Creator each step of the way, and I must believe this book needs to be written. Difficulties are being swept away, needed information falls to hand almost before I need it, and the support and help of my family and friends is unending.

It is my sincere hope that my early experiences will help those beginning on their path to have courage and hope, knowing they are not alone. All knowledge resides within each of us. We must simply seek our inner connection to all that is. When we tread our paths with a light and a mirror, we light the way for our footsteps, and hold a mirror to assist others to look inside for their truths.

With love and companionship on the Journey
...Z

Anger-The Book Review

2007-12-13T17:17:00.000-04:00

I found a rather negative review posted on the site that the book, Journey Into Being, A Beginning, is being sold. It upset me rather more than I thought it should so I had to sit down and examine it to determine why.What it comes down to is this. I gathered together the writings and published the book because I wanted to share my personal Journey with others so that they would know that they are not alone, and to perhaps help to point them toward their own path. It is truly from the heart, a little bit of me in every word.

I put myself out there, spiritually naked for all to see, but that was not the reason the review made me angry.After pondering and meditating for some time, I realized that I was angry because that review might turn someone away from the book without checking to see if it was something that they could identify with and perhaps gain insight from. My DH assures me that this will not happen, that one mediocre review will not defeat my purpose in publishing, and I find that I do agree with him. Those who can gain from it will find it.

Funny how even after all these years, anger can still come up and blind side a person. It also reinforces my belief that anger is not a true emotion. When we look behind it, we always find another face peeking out. Sometimes it is fear, or embarrassment, or disappointment, or other emotions we do not want to deal with. Most often, though, it is fear that I find behind the mask of anger. In this instance it was fear caused by hanging on. I needed to learn to let go of the results of my actions, instead of hovering over them like a broody hen. That light-bulb has allowed me to continue work on a second edition or a second book, Journey Into Being, A lifetime On My Path. My DH suggested I name it The Spiral Path.

When you find yourself angry over something, stop and examine that anger. You may be very surprised at what you will find there. The greatest benefit in this exercise is that once identified, anger usually slinks off into the darkness, leaving you more aware and in control than before. Each time you confront it, it is easier to banish.

This is the beginning of taming the emotions and banishing the fear that motivates ego. There are layers beyond the mask of fear that hides behind anger. I will leave it up to each one to search their hearts for the answers hidden there.

The Buddha on Anger

2007-12-13T16:45:00.000-04:00

In my youth, my temper was uncontrolled. The first guy who took me to a deserted road to tell me the "hereafter" story ended up in hospital… Later as a young mother, my temper was definitely not an asset. About that time, I stumbled on a book called The Teachings Of The Compassionate Buddha. Although not a Buddhist, I have worn out three copies of that little book. One of the first things I saw in it was this piece about anger. It grabbed my attention and was probably the beginning of my quest to understand and eliminate it as much as possible. Control was not my goal, as control is simply suppression, which still hurts the one experiencing the anger. Again, meditation was the tool that let me peer behind this ugly mask.

The Buddha On Anger

Let a man leave anger, let him forsake pride, Let him overcome all bondage! No suffering befall the man who is not attached to name- and-form! And who calls nothing his own.
He who holds back rising anger like a rolling chariot, him I call a real driver, other people are but holding the reins. Let a man overcome anger by love, let him overcome evil by good, let him overcome the greedy by liberality, the liar by truth!

Speak the truth, do not yield to anger, give if you are asked, even though it be a little. Beware of bodily anger, and control the body. Beware of the anger of the tongue and control your tongue. Beware the anger of the mind and control your mind. The wise who control their body, who control their tongue, who control their mind, are indeed well controlled.
The fault of others is easily perceived, but that of one’s self is difficult to perceive, a man winnows his neighbor’s faults like chaff, but his own faults he hides, as a cheat hides an unlucky cast of the dice. If a man looks after the faults of others and is always inclined to be offended, his own passions will grow.
You, yourself must make an effort.

New Links

2007-12-11T13:42:00.000-04:00

Today I have added two new links to posts that I enjoy reading very much.

The first belongs to Jon Be Me and is called Right or Rong? . His insights are based on the Buddhist view, and well worth the read for anyone on or searching for their path. Anyone who knows me, knows that if I had to profess a specific religion or path, it would have to be Buddhism.

The second belongs to Maithri Goonetilleke, a medical doctor in Australia, and is called Soaring Impulse. The information he shares is honest and to the point, written in plain English so all can understand. Knowledge is power and he passes it out freely. His poetry is powerful, beautiful, and moving.

Both are worthy.

The Mask

2007-12-11T12:39:00.000-04:00

Since I am writing an article on anger to post here, I thought I would first post a poem that I wrote many years ago.

The Mask

So much has made me angry
Over the years till now,
That I have had to ask myself
What anger is, and how
It can control the things I do
despite my very vow.
I look behind the angry roar
And lurking there, I see
A myriad different disguises
Peering back ant me.
Behind each mask I look beneath.
The face of fear is what I see.

Let me never wear this mask.

Balance, The Spiritual Pillar Revisited

2007-12-09T15:02:00.000-04:00

If one meditates regularly, the questions will come, growth will begin whether we plan for it or not. Opportunities will present themselves. We may struggle with a concept for ages then one day, the light bulb goes on and we simply know that we have found that particular answer. At least the right answer for this particular stage in our growth, since there is no ultimate answer to be found until one has scaled the mountain and stands on the pinnacle.

Much of this growth happens unnoticed. We simply accept these new ideas, truths and ways to relate to the world around us as normal. At some point, we will recognize that something is happening to us, and that we are no longer the same person who started meditating. Better health, less stress, and the results of a quiet mind have allowed our inner selves to communicate with the mundane here and now selves. Our values change and grow, our pleasures tend to be had in the simple things around us. We feel more connected to nature as well as more compassionate with our fellow travelers. We love more deeply, we think more deeply, and we are much quicker to lend a helping hand.

The platform of our lives starts to spend more time in a balanced or at least semi-balanced state. We have found our path and have begun to scale the mountain in earnest. This may be a dangerous time for us as we start to utilize more of our mental capabilities. If we manifest talents that we did not know we had, we need to remember that they are simply guideposts along the path and not to become fascinated by them. If we do become distracted, we will spend time in sort of a rest stop area, neither progressing nor regressing. Along the path, there are many of these rest areas, where we may stop and gather our thoughts, put new knowledge in it’s proper place and contemplate future endeavors. These stops will be different for each of us as we each travel a unique path, near or far from others on the slopes.

It is also possible to be so wrapped up in our spiritual growth that we neglect to nurture our physical, emotional and mental selves. As the pendulum swings beyond the balance point again, we will find ourselves in need of concentrating on these other pillars to bring ourselves back into balance. For each of us, the needs will be different. We need to pay attention to the worldly aspects of ourselves in order to embrace and nurture what needs attention. This is not a final balancing as we can not sustain perfect balance here on earth, we can only move through it like a pendulum does. Each new journey around the spiral of becoming will present it’s own challenges and it’s own rewards.

If we bear in mind that life is a spiral, we will not get discouraged, thinking we have simply come full circle and are back where we began. The territory may seem familiar but it is not exactly the same. Progress is being made, and at the proper rate for each of us. The journey is long and speed is not a requirement.

And so ends another circuit of the pillars that support our lives.

More on Stolen Moments

2007-12-08T23:22:00.000-04:00

“Stolen moments are the times in which I feel guilty for not having done what I could have done”.

The above is a quote from someone who read the article on Stolen moments. After thinking for a short while, I realized that I may not have made the difference between lost or wasted time and stolen moments totally clear.

Lost or wasted time is what you feel guilty for not having done something "productive" when your plan did not work out. Stolen moments are what you can transform lost time into. For example, you may have an appointment with someone, but your car will not run. You find at the last minute that you can not do it, you can choose to fret and worry or feel guilty about not making the appointment. Alternatively, you can take that time that was suddenly freed up and do something for yourself that you did not have time to do. That is stolen moments. It is also possible to read a good book while waiting in the doctor's office, turning even the small blocks of time into Stolen Moments.

You may have to sit yourself down and give yourself a royal taking to in order to dispel the negative feelings you normally feel when plans go awry, but it is worth it. If you accept that there is purpose in the events we experience, that they are not just random hiccups, then you need to accept that your plans were canceled for a reason. You also need to look after yourself you will not be able to help others or do your work well. The things you do to contribute to your physical well being, mental and emotional health are not luxuries, they are necessities! My daughter has a saying that if mama not happy, no one is happy.

Mothers and type A personalities are the ones most often afflicted with the need to be productive at all times. Mothers will neglect their own needs in order to try to be the perfect parent. Type A personalities need to feel they are giving their all to whatever they need to do. Type A is also the one most likely to feel the Only Me Syndrome. Having been both a driven mother and a driven Type A, I speak from experience.

Meditation was the beginning of a return to physical and emotional well being for me. This does not mean that I will not get sick or become disabled. I can still suffer from genetic flaws, chemical imbalances, accidents and other ills beyond my control. What I can do is be the master of my reactions to life's ups and downs, I can achieve the best physical and emotional health I am capable of. I can avoid dragging myself down a self-destructive road. I can become happier and accomplish more with less stress and effort. We all can!

Stolen Moments

2007-12-06T12:39:00.001-04:00

Do you find that ruined plans and waiting times are lost time or wasted time? Or do you take these little bits of time for yourself and recognize them for what they are. Stolen moments!

If you find yourself in the first category, you probably also multitask, carry a lot of stress, become frustrated when your plans go awry, and you may be subject to high blood pressure and even ulcers. I have experienced all of the above in early adulthood. I still multitask………..I have relinquished the other Type A traits.

On the other hand, if you view these little bits of time as the gifts they are, you probably get as much, if not more done in the same time span. Your stress levels are probably much lower, blood pressure is not a problem and you are more balanced in all four areas, physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.

There are ways to get from lost time to stolen moments. I got there by prioritizing, demanding time for myself, and meditating, meditating, meditating. I was a young parent with a family and a burgeoning career. I burned the candle at both ends and suffered from ulcers constantly. This was the point in my life that I met the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. I was taught Transcendental Meditation and was on my way to healing the ulcers, reducing stress, and appreciating the stolen moments that are a gift to each and every one of us.

Meditating twice a day became easier and easier. After some time, I was able to meditate anywhere any time, almost. I was even able to meditate in a moving commuter train, not recommended! As my stress levels reduced and my health started to improve, I began to see that if I did not look after myself I could not fulfill my obligations to family and career.

Although I did not have any more time than I did before meditation, I was able to use it better, which included capitalizing on those times when plans go awry and we are left with unplanned time. Before, I thought of these times as lost time. Now I see them as stolen moments, gifts which I can use to take care of my own needs. I can now use this time to read a good book, talk to a friend, go for a drive, have a leisurely bubble bath, spend it doing something I enjoy with family or friends…. The possibilities are endless.

It is worth examining one’s life to see what needs are not being fulfilled and incorporate satisfying those needs into our daily lives. YES! Play is a need that must be met in order to become a fully functional human. Try making a list of the things you would like to do but don’t feel you have the time. You know the ones.... you dismiss them as being selfish, or believing that everyone else’s needs are more important than yours. Then prioritize the items on this list using a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being not very important and 10 being very important. Those with the higher rating are those that are needed to maintain your physical and mental health at their highest possible level.

…Z

The Bridge Between

2007-11-11T17:14:00.000-04:00

I believe the mind...body...emotional connection is not well understood. The emotional pillar is the bridge between the physical and the mental. It overlaps and affects both. There is so much misunderstanding about the relationship of the pillars and a real danger of pain and suffering because of it.

There are those who insist that all physical illness is a manifestation of emotional instability, that physical illness is caused by the mind and can be cured or prevented by the mind. I do not agree with this in any way. Yes, the emotional pillar affects both the physical and mental, and can make physical problems worse and make the mental pillar unstable..........but that does not mean that if we achieve emotional balance or emotional health, we will automatically have physical health, nor does it mean that emotional health makes the mental pillar outstanding (i.e. increase the IQ beyond all realistic expectations). In fact, many emotional or mental illnesses have their base in physical imbalances and can be healed, treated or controlled by medical means.

Each of the pillars affect the others. When any one is out of phase with the others, our life becomes unbalanced and can only be brought back into balance by bringing that pillar into line. It may also be that one pillar has grown faster than the others and in that case, the other three must be realigned with the most developed one.

Because mental health (actually emotional health) is such a taboo subject in our society, we do not pay sufficient attention to keep our emotional self healthy. We are also taught a work ethic that leaves little or no room for play, for joy, for self-expression. This causes the emotional pillar to be out of balance more, and more often than the physical or mental, and sometimes the only way for our emotional selves to attract attention to the problem is to have a detrimental effect on the physical or mental pillar. We get physical check-ups, and often get mental check-ups in the way of IQ tests and comprehension tests, but we don't get emotional check-ups or even seek validation for our emotions from others. We burry our feelings deep where they can take root and grow into terrible monsters.

This does not mean that the root of all illness is in the emotional self. It simply means that we may well break down in those physical areas that are not as strong as others. Or we may make a pre-existing condition worse because of our negative emotional state. If worrying causes ulcers, and we stop worrying, the ulcer is still very real and needs physical attention to heal it. If our negative emotional state causes us to experience more pain and suffering than if we were emotionally healthy, the pain and suffering is still real. If we have a hereditary weakness or disease, emotional health is not going to cure or prevent it.

However, if our emotional state is in harmony, we are much more able to deal with physical adversity. We are capable of centering our attention outside our selves and reduce the effect of disease on our lives. We are able to grow spiritually in spite of physical obstacles. We are more able to make our lives enjoyable and rewarding. Again, meditation helps us to create the harmony we need in our lives.

Balance-The Emotional Pillar Revisited

2007-11-04T15:48:00.000-04:00

I was sitting here thinking about a deeper look at emotional health and how to gain or maintain it. I glanced at the pile of weekend flyers and noticed a white sheet. It was titled “Being Well”, Our Mental Health Matters”. Although it is referred to as Mental Health, it is actually Emotional Health. I would like to quote a couple of things from the flyer that caught my eye right away.

First, The World Health Organization in 2005 said “There is no health without mental health.” The second was in a box for emphasis, and was titled “Did You Know”. It said that mental illness is the single leading cause of illness affecting Canadians. Those with mental health issues are at greater risk for chronic disease. It is estimated that mental illness costs the Nova Scotia economy more than $338 million per year.

After I picked up my dropped jaw, I realized that mental health is a much bigger issue than I had thought, and that we are actually talking about emotional health! There is nothing special about Nova Scotia, Canada, that would account for such numbers. This scenario can be applied to most of the western world. It is no wonder that the platform holding our lives is so often tilted to the point that we are in danger of sliding off.

One of the difficulties we encounter if we feel we are ill and needing help, is the stigma that is still attached to anyone with an emotional illness. It makes us try to look happy and in control of our lives. The coping mechanisms we develop are often more damaging than the illness itself.

Most communities have mental health programs, but people are afraid to avail themselves of these services for fear that family and friends will think less of them. This added stress of trying to cover up our emotional problems makes it all worse. We need to educate ourselves as well as those around us. Mental illness most often has a physical cause and can be treated just like any other illness. There are also often events in our lives of such magnitude that we need help and support to deal with them. If we do not, they are very apt to manifest as physical diseases.

We need to take our courage in hand and seek help when we feel overwhelmed. Often our lives can be restored to order or at least made better with education, development of healthy coping skills, and possibly even medication if required to correct a chemical imbalance. Support groups can also help by sharing experiences, ideas, skills and understanding. It is surprising how much better we can feel if we know we are not alone, and not the only one with such problems.

Along with other skills we can learn from both professionals and support groups, meditation is recognized as an effective tool by the medical community. A regular meditation routine can reduce stress and put us back in touch with our inner strengths. By bringing the emotional pillar into balance with the others, we become more stable, and happier in all facets of our lives.

Balance-The Mental Pillar Revisited

2007-11-02T12:30:00.000-03:00

When I spoke of the mental pillar before, I touched on the need to put as much "programming" into our mental computer "wet ware" as we can. In order to even speak about our experiences, we need to make a concentrated effort to expand our knowledge and our vocabulary. We need to experience new things, and understand them.

It is easy to settle into the same old rut, assuming that nothing changes and nothing is new. This kind of thinking once almost got me killed. Many years ago, where I lived in rural Ontario, there was a railroad that passed along beside the highway between our tiny hamlet and the nearest town big enough to shop in, which also had the highschool for the whole area.

Before I finished school and moved away to pursue my own destiny, the railroad fell into disuse and was used only once or twice a year. I became used to never seeing a train or hearing its lonesome whistle announcing it's presence and it's intention to cross the road. Returning home for a visit, I was driving to that town to do some shopping, on automatic you could say, I had passed that way so many times before. My mind did not register either the whistle or the presence of the train passing across the highway until it was almost too late. I stopped within inches of the moving train! Nothing in my mind had prepared me for seeing the train....so I did not.

If we do not prepare our minds for the wondrous journey ahead, we will miss many great truths, experiences, and growth itself. Just as a child learns gradually, we must allow our minds to build on each layer of learning we complete. We need to learn to really see, hear, touch and experience the world around us, and that takes time to learn the language to express what we experience and understand the experiences of others who share with us. Trying to push too far or too fast will only lead to discouragement. Learning comes in all shapes and sizes. We learn from books, from TV, movies, radio, computer, other people and from life itself. When we indicate our desire to learn, many more occasions and events will be presented to us. In order to benefit from the lessons that are presented, we must be alert and aware, alive in the present moment, looking carefully at all we experience. You can bet that I learned a lesson from my train experience, and now keep my senses open and my mind alert for the unexpected. It is surprising how much more I am aware of because of that.

An active, healthy mind is also protection against Alzheimer's, Senile Dementia and other mental afflictions. As we must keep our bodies strong and healthy, we need to do the same for our minds.We must never stop learning. Life will bring so many more delights if we are open to the. Meditation helps us to prepare for learning and keeps us both alert and relaxed.

The Physical Pillar Revisited

2007-10-27T14:56:00.000-03:00

There are those who believe that if one eats right, sleeps right, meditates regularly and follows the basic spiritual principles, they will have excellent health, reversing any imperfection that has been endured. This belief goes hand in hand with the idea that we will be showered with riches, friends, perfect partners, love on all sides. In short, we will have everything we could possibly want. If this does not happen they assume we are simply not being spiritual enough and suffer at our own hands.

This view is as illogical as it is to assume we can control the weather, or roll back time. The physical world has its laws which we can not set aside. If we have lost a limb, suffer from an incurable disease or have inherited genetic flaws, we can not reverse those things. We can, however, do much to ease the suffering of our bodies and improve our health within those laws. It is counter productive to either sit back and wait for the Creator to change us into our ideal of perfection, or to go to bed with a box of chocolates and wait for the inevitable ending of our lives here on earth. I firmly believe that living is a process and death is an event, merely a crossing back to where we came from.

We can learn to take care of our physical selves and achieve the best health we can. We can avail ourselves of the help that modern medicine can provide. We can adopt a more positive attitude toward our abilities and minimize the impact of our disabilities on our lives. We can insure that we get adequate rest, good nutrition, clean air to breathe, exercise to the best of our abilities, We can focus on what we can do, rather than what we can't. When life hands us a lemon we can make marmalade and sell it to raise money for those things we need to make our lives more productive.

A positive attitude will go farther to improve our physical state than almost anything else we can do. There is always something we can do to improve our quality of life. We can be open to experience the joy and wonder that surrounds us, often in the simplest things. It is not enough to merely look, we must See. Meditation will help us to bring our lives into harmony with the Creator and with the world around us. It also reduces stress and allows the body to renew and rejuvenate to a greater degree.

Even without obvious disabilities, we need to scrutinize our lives and correct those things which may lead to poor health or future medical problems. The body is the temple of the soul and as such deserves all the respect and help it can get to be it's very best. We should not go around judging the merits of this temple or that church or the other mosque or synagogue. We simply respect what is ours and show respect and tolerance toward others. This applies to the body as well. It is counter productive to measure ourselves against others and see ourselves as superior or inferior. We are all unique and we need to be the best unique individual we can be.

Time spent improving our health will bring many benefits into our lives, and meditation is a tool that can help us to achieve more.

Cause and Effect

2007-10-24T14:19:00.000-03:00

In one sense, what occurs in our lives is brought about by our own actions. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction". "As we sow, so shall we reap," even "the golden rule" all allude to this truth. We do bring into our lives that which we need to further our growth and understanding. Since we often don't notice this, we miss opportunities to change our ways, feeling instead that life has been unfair to us. This causes the same event to present repeatedly until we come to understand what we are doing that causes it.

I once expressed sympathy for a woman in a nursing home who was celebrating her 100th birthday alone. My friend responded that if she had been a kind and generous woman through her life, she would not be alone on such a momentous occasion. This did not relieve my pity for the woman, but it certainly gave me cause to think. Another friend had a different view, which I also found compelling. He suggested that at that age, she may not have many friends left and family may be scattered across the globe. With age comes reduced mobility and the ability to participate in daily life. Our society values youth and energy. This has often resulted in our ignoring our crones and elders, not realizing how much wisdom they have acquired over their long lives.

Many, if not all, of the basic truths we seek in life have already been distilled down into such familiar homilies. We just don't notice them while searching for an obscure, difficult path to enlightenment. Instead, we search for the ultimate guru, the most obscure path laid down by someone long dead, or at least totally unfamiliar to us.

Meditation helps us to go within ourselves and find these basic truths, bringing our lives into harmony inside and out.

What's In A Name

2007-10-22T22:14:00.000-03:00

With the popularity of “New Age” thinking and the internet, there has been a great deal of confusion. The old words have taken on new meanings, for example Avatar referred to an enlightened being in human form (The Buddha) but is now refers to an icon or animation used to represent a participant used in Internet chat and games. A spiritual person was one who pursued a way of life in accordance with the highest principles and morals, in a search for greater understanding of the mysteries of life. Now, the word is used to denote those who talk to the spirits of dead people, conduct séances, and such.

In the minds of many, religion and spirituality are synonymous. When discussing the role of spirituality in political leaders, we invite argument if we do not first define the terms we are using in clear and concise terms. A recent group discussion made that abundantly clear. The discussion centered around the role of religion in government, when the topic was actually the role of spirituality in those who govern. After some clarification we discovered we were all in agreement that we believe our secular leaders should hold spiritual ideals (in accordance with the highest principles and morals) which transcends different religions and formalized codes of belief. Religions, by their very nature are human interpretations of the will of The Creator. The basic moral structure has been set down long ago and was meant to help us live in harmony with each other across barriers of language, race, religion and politics.
This all caused me to start thinking about the need to bring the spiritual and physical into harmony, to strive for a common spiritual code that inevitably links us all.
Having Journeyed for a long time, I have come to a number of realizations, one of which I quote regularly. There are many paths up the mountain, all lead to the same place...the top. As the various paths converge, the physical, human trappings fall away and we discover that we are all brothers under the skin. Anyone on a spiritual path of discovery will find that they share the same goals and aims as others who are searching for enlightenment. This dissolves the perceived barriers between "good people" regardless of the vehicle that has brought them to their present realizations.
Many years of examining the wider paths up the mountain has convinced me that when these paths are put under the microscope, they share the same goals, the same spiritual truths. The only caveat is that there are false trails out there that can trick a seeker into believing that they are following a true spiritual leader. We must all examine the truths we find to ensure that they are actually truths. When we find a truth, we must listen to our inner self. That self knows all and if we listen to it, we will not go wrong. Meditation can put us in touch with the inner self if we so desire.
We each have our own path to follow, and must take responsibility for following it.

Leaping Into The Unknown

2007-10-14T15:29:00.000-03:00

Each time we reach a new plateau of knowledge and understanding, we must get there by leaping into the unknown. This leap can be downright terrifying, but if we shy away from the precipice, the doorway we can not see beyond, the result is often stagnation and at times, even madness, as we deny the very growth we work so hard to achieve. Once committed to the path, we have only the choice to proceed or to dally, with the attendant consequences. We must face this challenge over and over again as we approach each new leap forward in understanding, acceptance, growth.

We approach a doorway into more light, but are afraid to walk through. We stand there, hesitating, afraid to go in, afraid to go back, afraid....Another way to picture it is standing on the precipice, working up the nerve to jump, trusting that all will be well and will be as it is meant to be. I believe that each crisis we reach and pass, makes us stronger, more willing to take that leap of faith.

Courage is not the absence of fear; it is acting in spite of it. Walking the path takes true courage. I have found that the only real enemy is fear itself. If we can act in the face of fear, we can walk our path with confidence.

Balance-The Spiritual Pillar-Meditation

2007-10-14T15:19:00.001-03:00

One of the tools used to integrate and stabilize the platform of our lives is meditation. It helps us to integrate all four pillars into a cohesive whole, and gives us glimpses of what we are seeking.

As we research and meditate, questions will arise; this is the beginning of Awakening. As we find our questions we can begin to search for our answers. The answers are all within us, but we need to rediscover them, rather like seeing them reflected in a mirror. When we have a question, and find the answer, we will know it is the right answer as it will resonate within. We will be sure of it, there will be no doubt in our minds that it is a truth.

As we begin this process of developing the Spiritual Pillar, we can become so engrossed in the process that we often neglect the other pillars. When that happens, the imbalance will often be reflected in the Physical Pillar. We may become ill or suffer from lack of sleep, or even become emotionally unbalanced. This is the way our physical selves have of attracting our attention. It is necessary to always be aware that balance is not a static thing. It is achievable only in short periods, like a pendulum which swings through the balance point repeatedly. The better we get at paying attention to all facets of our lives, the more frequent and longer the periods of balance will be.

And so begins another circuit around the upward spiral of Becoming

Balance-The Spiritual Pillar Part 2

2007-10-14T15:19:00.000-03:00

The three pillars of balance that are firmly rooted in this world are the physical, mental and emotional. The spiritual pillar is our connection to the eternal soul, the All That Is, the inner self that resides in the temple of the body. The Ego is the caretaker of the temple and has existence only through the mind and emotions of this life. Because we have forgotten what we really are, the Ego assumes that it is the owner, and not just the caretaker.

When we seek to remember our higher self, to reconnect consciously with the All, the Ego feels threatened and becomes fearful that it will be cast aside. Two small items that I previously posted deal with both the Caretaker and the Space Suit that is this physical self. They are reposted below.

The Caretaker

The body is the temple of the soul, the ego is the caretaker of the temple. The ego, poorly trained for the job, believes he is the owner of the property, and in the absence of the true owner, uses and abuses his trust. But he can not really be held accountable because of his immaturity and incomplete training for the job.

Like a child, he must be corrected gently, but firmly, and properly taught his duties. Sometimes, like a hyperactive and wayward child, he is unwilling to accept authority, and relinquish his faulty conception of his role.

Anger and self-pity are the tools he uses to block out his master’s voice and avoid hearing the truth. Like a child, his fear of the unknown can slow his progress.

I can’t help but feel that children who are born angry are at this particular stage of soul development. The ego’s false sense of importance is the cause of much human woe. Lose it and one becomes invulnerable.

The Space Suit

On the moon, man cannot function but within the controlled environment of his space suit. He cannot interact directly with the moon around him. On this earth, man cannot function but within the controlled environment of his body and brain. He must strive mightily in order to consciously realize his greater self, using the tools provided in the physical body.

Lifetimes lived within this space suit of the physical creates fear to venture forth into the unknown without the familiar. Even the daring are most often content to psychically duplicate the familiar and experience what is termed projection. Few are the brave souls who venture forth into the expanded awareness that is ours by virtue of the soul’s heritage.

Balance-The Spiritual Pillar

2007-10-05T16:35:00.000-03:00

This body, this mind, this heart, this physical presence is the temple in which the spirit resides and deserves to be loved, respected and cherished. Until the temple receives the attention it needs, we can not begin to search for the questions we need to ask in order to find our proper path and begin the Journey meant for this lifetime.

Once the physical, mental and emotional pillars are brought into balance with each other, the fact that we are searching for something we can not yet name becomes much clearer. Who am I? What am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose in life? What lies before and after this life? So many questions. Where to start to search? At this point, learning to meditate may be the best tool for searching for meaning. It certainly was for me. Again there are good books available on meditation techniques as well as a great deal of information on the internet,. The challenge is to find the best meditation techniques for each individual. What works for one will not necessarily work for another.

Each of us has a unique path to follow, individual goals to achieve, a Journey similar to, but different from all others. We begin in different places. We have different questions to ask and answers to find. We may search in the company of others with similar goals or we may find ourselves in situations where we must walk a solitary path. At different times we may experience both companionship and solitude.

When we reach this point in our Journey, the beginning of consciously walking our unique path, finding our questions, then searching for our answers, we often get so involved in the excitement of finding purpose, we often forget to continue to be aware of the need for balance. The other pillars may well be neglected to the point that we experience great turbulence in our lives. When that happens, it is necessary to stop and re-examiner all of the pillars that support our lives.

Balance-The Importance of Play

2007-10-03T21:02:00.000-03:00

Somewhere along the way we have forgotten the importance of play, laughter and joy. We forgot to see the humorous side of life, the silver linings, the stolen moments, Instead, we see the negative, the clouds, the lost time., the plans gone awry.

Without joy, life becomes a chore, something to be endured instead of something to be reveled in. When was the last time you took a mental health day, gave yourself permission to run away and keep going until the peanut butter sandwiches run out?

When my daughter was young, even though I worked full time, we would take run away days and go for a drive, or to a fast food joint or walk on the beach. Whenever possible, she would meet me for lunch and we would go to a grown-up restaurant. One of my fondest memories is taking a roll of caps for a cap gun and a hammer and sitting on the walkway, exploding them one at a time. You must realize that she was in her teens at the time.

Because she grew up with the idea that it was OK to play to fritter away time, she is still able to do so. It has caused her a couple of embarrassing moments, like playing in the sand pile with her dinky car collection when a car drove up her driveway looking for directions. She was married at the time. But even those memories are treasures.

We still pack a picnic, a cooler and go to the end of the driveway and pick a direction. It is surprising how many wonderful places you can find that way. Sometimes we stop at all the yard sales, sometimes the discount stores, sometimes the zoo and sometime a grocery store and a picnic park. It really doesn’t matter. What matters is the playing together.

Our approach to life and the use of time can often mean the difference between a harried, driven workaholic and a well-adjusted, productive individual. Playing exercises the body, mind and spirit. Don’t forget to play and when plans go awry through no fault of your own, remember that it can mean lost time or stolen moments, the choice is yours.

No Regrets

2007-09-30T21:19:00.000-03:00

When we get older we do not regret the things we have tried or have done. We regret the things we didn't do.

When a friend was considering doing something she had always wanted to do, but had not, I quoted the above saying. Another friend, looking back at things she could've done and did not do, for the most part, is glad she didn't do them because she thinks she would have regretted them.

I agree that there are many things in a person's life that they may well regret if they do them, but I believe the quote refers to those things that we do not do even though we feel we will always regret it if we don't take the risk.

I have always made my decisions on that basis. I acknowledge that the chosen path may not work out, but if I don't try, I will always regret the road not taken. I also look down both roads as far as I can, contemplate both the best and the worst that could happen, and determine if I could survive the worst. The result is never the best or worst that can happen, but will probably be somewhere in the middle. If I feel that I can deal with the worst and still feel I would regret not acting on the opportunity, I jump into the deep end and swim like he**.

As a teenager, I knew an elderly couple who had lived a very full life, with all the trials and tribulations that come with such a life. In their twilight years, in the summers, they sat on the porch in their rockers, side by side until the sun set and darkness came. They would then go into the kitchen, light a lamp and make a snack before going to bed. They were not filled with regrets and bitterness. They were content. I want to achieve that contentment while waiting for the boatman.

My greatest leaps of faith have been to divorce an abusive husband, enter into a second marriage that no one expected to last a year, and drag my family, including parents-in-law, half way across the country to begin a life that would prove to be better in every way. I have not regretted any of those decisions, and I'm sneaking up to the rocker on the front porch with few regrets.

I wish such an ending to all.

Balance-The Emotional Pillar Part 2

2007-09-30T16:36:00.000-03:00

Of the four pillars supporting the platform of our lives, the emotional seems to be the most difficult to bring into balance. As children, we are taught to deny so much of the emotional experience that we grow up believing that strength is being able to suppress any emotion that makes others uncomfortable. Instead of accepting our selves with all our moods and feelings, we learn to suppress anger, fear, sadness, pain ……….and put a brave face on for the world to see.

We deny ourselves the tears that heal our pain in favor of denying that we feel it at all. We deny our natural fears until they become so large that we fear anything new and cannot communicate it. We deny our anger until it becomes turned inward on ourselves, causing real physical damage to our bodies. We deny our pain until it becomes the central force of our lives and we deny our sadness to the point that we can no longer feel joy.

As bad as it is for women, it is even harder for men. From the time they are small boys, they are taught to “suck it up” and take it like a man. With no acceptable outlet for fear and sadness and even anger, many men become so conflicted that they actually become violent, which was more acceptable in our society than tears or sadness. Then when they enter into an adult relationship with a woman, they are unable to express the tender feelings they have almost forgotten to even recognize. They are left with rage and violence as their only acceptable outlet. Not a very satisfactory relationship for either the man or the woman, who is at least partly in touch with her feelings. Isn’t it ironic that we as mothers, raise sons to be such conflicted partners!

It is also far too easy to blame others or life in general for our woes. It is a thing I have observed with some “self help” groups. They take things to the point of identifying the probable cause of some emotional problem, then stop there, blaming their current problems on past experiences and absolving themselves of any responsibility for their lives or the events in them. This stops emotional growth in its tracks and robs one of the chance to deal with the fears and the pain and work through it to become a more complete and happier human being.

Many years ago, I learned that the best way for me to deal with a heart break was to find a quiet, private place, preferably near running water and let the tears flow. If I allowed myself to experience the whole spectrum of emotions that come with loss, loss of a loved one, loss of a freedom, loss of health, in short, any traumatic loss, the tears would flow freely, bathing my heart and soul with their healing power.

Afterward, I would be emotionally exhausted, wrung out to the point that there were no more tears to shed. However, I would no longer be caught unaware and have to shove the pain and tears down inside where they would grow and become even more unbearable. I would be able to go on with the daily process of living while healing began. Sometimes healing took a long time and sometimes not so long at all, but without the release of the grief of loss, the healing could not begin. Alternatively, if I forced the pain back inside and hid it even from myself, it would grow and fester and come to the surface in unbearable waves, each one worse than the last and always at the most importune moment.

Recently, I have had occasion to deal with others who are going through terrible times in their lives. They tried to get by with denying any release of the emotions, forcing the pain and tears down deep inside and pretending there is nothing wrong. Any time they have found it unbearable, and tears spilled out, they would work so hard to deny the pain and tears that they became numb inside, unable to feel either pain or pleasure in their lives.

We are taught that crying is a weakness and is to be avoided at all cost. This denies the release and healing that comes with allowing ourselves to work through our feelings and shed the tears that heal. It is all a part of the process of claiming our lives and our selves, being responsible for our own actions and the results of them. It is a way to allow ourselves to heal emotionally and bring the emotional pillar more into line with the other three.

Balance-The Emotional Pillar part 1

2007-09-25T22:25:00.000-03:00

We need to interact with others, learn communication skills, share knowledge to keep the mind working well. Without this, we can not search for what will make us whole. We become stagnant, stuck in the same old rut with only vague feelings of something missing, which leads us to the emotional pillar.

If we can not identify what we are searching for, we can make unwise decisions and choices in an attempt to fill that void. We can form unhealthy relationships, fall prey to extortive cults, suffer from long term depression, even become unable to function in our world.

When looking at our emotional selves and determining how to bring that pillar into balance with the others, we often come face to face with the fact that we do not love and cherish ourselves right here, right now. Over the years, we have been subjected to a great deal of negative criticism. It slowly seeps into the center of our being, leading us to believe we are not worthy. The reasons may vary. We may have come from dysfunctional, abusive homes. We may have done poorly in school or in sports and been criticized for not excelling in everything. We may have become entangled in an abusive relationship or marriage where we have seen no way out. We may suffer from depression, either full blown clinical depression or sub-clinical depression, which may go undiagnosed for years. The reasons are as varied as the people who suffer from this low self-esteem.

The first step in reclaiming our Selves is to recognize that there is a problem. We have a right to feel good about ourselves. As it says in Desiderata “You are a child of the universe, you have a right to be here.” It may be necessary to seek out someone to talk to, a family doctor, a counselor, a minister or even a close friend or respected family member. Breaking the silence may be one of the most difficult things to do. We tend to build high walls around our hearts when we feel vulnerable. There are now many help groups, both in the community and on the Internet, aimed at providing mutual support. The most difficult part is to isolate and acknowledge the problem. Finding the help we need hinges on accepting that we need help. Until we learn to love ourselves, we can not expect others to love us. People tend to treat us in the way that we expect to be treated.

This body, this mind, this heart, this physical presence is the temple in which the spirit resides and deserves to be loved, respected and cherished. Until the temple receives the attention it needs, we can not begin to search for the questions we need to ask in order to find our proper path and begin the Journey meant for this lifetime.

Balance-The Physical Pillar

2007-09-24T19:41:00.000-03:00

The physical is usually the best place to start as it is the one we are most familiar with, but is also the most neglected. Since the body is the temple of the soul, we need to treat it with respect, providing for it’s needs. Do we provide clean air, nutritious food, sufficient rest and medical attention when needed? Or do we eat too much of the wrong foods, or too little food? Do we pollute the air we breathe with no regard for the damage to the temple? Do we allow ourselves sufficient sleep, knowing that it is during sleep that the body can work at healing and renewing itself, or do we burn the candle at both ends, assuming that we can deprive the body of it’s needs and catch up at some future time? Do we seek medical attention when illness occurs or protect the body from those things that can make it ill?

Much of the problem we encounter with balancing the physical pillar centers around food, and why we eat the way we do. Many of us use food as an instant gratification of a poorly understood urge for comfort, for pleasure, to fill up an empty spot. As children we are given sweets to comfort a bump or a bruise, a tearful face or to distract us from something else we want. In time, we learn to reach for food as an instant cure-all for any unhappiness we experience. It is even called comfort food. Usually high fat or high sugar or both, our comfort food is not eaten for sustenance, but for consciousness altering.

The result of all this eating is a body that is over-weight, over fed and undernourished. We develop medical problems, causing us to feel bad, then we reach for another chocolate bar, another donut, for the quick fix, the sugar high that makes us feel better for a short time. The larger we get, the sicker we become., the more we eat.

To break the pattern, we need to understand what we are doing and why. We also need to teach ourselves what is healthy food, what we need to replenish our bodies and what to do to comfort ourselves instead of reaching for that comfort food.

Once we have examined the physical pillar and seen what improvements are required, we can begin to become more healthy. Keeping a journal can be very helpful while working at bringing our lives into harmony. We can record the areas we need to work on, the work we are doing and the results. Since instant results are seldom seen, the journal can help us to see results over a period of time. We must set goals that are reasonably achievable within a time frame that makes sense. We would not start taking vitamins today and expect to get a major improvement tomorrow!!! If we record each day what we are doing to achieve the goals we have set, the journal will become a useful tool to not only record our progress, but help to keep us focused as well.

When doing this we need to keep in mind that we are not perfect, only the soul within is perfect. Knowing this, we need to be gentle with ourselves when we slip, and we will slip, more frequently at first, less so as we become accustomed to our new way of living. We should treat ourselves like we would a child, calmly and gently bringing our attention back to the task at hand. Even if we take three steps forward and two back, we are still making progress.

Balance

2007-09-24T18:34:00.000-03:00

Many people search for balance in their lives without knowing where to even begin. It has been my experience that the platform of our lives is balanced on four pillars, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Because life itself is not static, we can not simply bring all into balance and forget about it.. We must constantly adjust the pillars, achieving balance for fleeting moments only. The more effort we put into bring our lives into harmony, the more frequent and longer will be the periods of being in balance. In order to know where to start, we need to look at our lives, examine each of the four pillars to see which is the most out of balance.

Enlightenment and the Path

2007-09-22T09:05:00.000-03:00

Many people feel that when they find their right and proper path all will smooth out in front of them. They will be rich, famous and loved by all. They expect to be instantly enlightened with no work on their part.

This is not necessarily true. The things of this world, fame and riches have no real bearing on whether we are on our spiritual path. Enlightenment comes in stages as we work for it. We must learn what is required of us. We must balance the pillars of our lives. Only when we have succeeded in balancing physical, mental, emotional and spiritual can we claim to be a truly enlightened being,

This is the work of many lifetimes and few if any of us will achieve perfection in this lifetime. The joy must be in the journey and not only in reaching the objective or we will give up long before reaching even the first plateau.

I have spent a lifetime seeking and have achieved some success in that I am much more in control of myself, much more aware of life in general and much more in tune with my journey than I was in my youth and young adulthood. I have learned to trust the process. If I do my very best to learn and to grow, to always help when asked and try to make this world a tiny bit better for my having been here, the things of this world will look after themselves. That does not mean that life will be easy, only that I spend a lot less time worrying about it and more time learning and growing.

We seldom know why the events in our lives happen, but if we accept that there is an intelligence greater than our own earthly minds at the helm, then we must accept that there is a purpose. Each birth is chosen for the opportunities it will offer for growth, for learning and for practicing what we have learned.

Meditation brings us closer to understanding ourselves and our journey.

Later at Night

2007-09-21T14:57:00.000-03:00

Late at night, when all is still,
My spirit walks the hallways of my mind,
Seeking solace, peace, and the will
To stay yet another day.

All I find is pain and heartache.
Then, away down the hall,
A glimmer of hope to ease the ache,
And face yet another day.

I squint and peer with all my might
Clearer with each step, I see
Glowing and growing in that little light
Courage to face the brand new day.

Clearer and clearer in that light, I see
In the swirling warmth and glow,
The love and faith surrounding me
More than enough for this new day.

Self Blame-Self Forgiveness

2007-09-21T14:50:00.000-03:00

When something we invest in fails, we tend to internalize the failure, making it our fault and then spend time (sometimes years) punishing ourselves for it. Often we go against our true nature, our deep seated values, to try to make those relationships work. That doubles the guilt and sometimes even shame that we feel for the betrayal of ourselves as well as taking responsibility for the failures.

First, it is necessary to understand these feelings...look them right in the eye...then forgive ourselves for what we saw as failure. Life presents us with lessons, there is no success or failure as such. There is only learning and growing. Each step we make brings us closer to the goal.

There has been a great deal written about learning to forgive and to love our selves. We can not truly love another until we can love ourselves unconditionally. The negative feelings are coming from the ego. I believe that psychology refers to it as the inner child. We have to nurture that ego, that child, in order to bring it into balance with the whole. This is the emotional pillar that needs to be brought back into balance. The ego must learn that it is not the owner of the temple, therefore it is also not responsible for everything that goes wrong.

I'm not sure if we are born with this tendency to blame ourselves for everything or if it is something our parents and society teaches us when we are very young. I have seen this in operation over and over again. The child believes he caused the parents to break up and must bring them back together to rid itself of the blame. My older daughter passed on from encephalitis when she was five and my younger daughter was just three. It was not until she was grown that I found out she had always thought that she had caused her sister's demise. They had been playing in their bedroom a week or so before, and my older daughter fell and cut her lip against the corner of the dresser. That is what my younger daughter though had been the cause. That kind of self blame is so insidious because we grow up with it and are generally unaware that we are even doing it. By the time we are adults, we search for blame for everything that goes wrong. Sometimes we blame others and sometimes we blame ourselves...or both. As hard as it is, I believe it is easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ones self.

Self blame feeds depression and vice versa...a real catch 22. We need to break the cycle, to accept ourselves and own our actions and to see ourselves as worthy of love. A tall order, but it can be done. Sometimes it helps to sit down with a notebook and pen and try to identify why you are feeling bad about yourself, then look behind those reasons to see the root of the problem. Identifying the problem is at least 50% of the cure. With some idea of the dynamic it is possible to tailor a meditation to work with it.

Forgiveness

2007-09-19T16:40:00.000-03:00

Forgiveness is very hard to do, it is right up there with I'm sorry. In fact I think it may be harder to forgive than to apologize, but it can be done. It has to be learned if we do not want to go through life with a heart full of bitterness and anger. It does not mean that we forget totally. The open wound does heal and become a scar. The scar is always there but it no longer hurts. Many things wound us over the years, and we must learn to let those wounds heal, for our own benefit if not for others.

Again, meditation can be of great benefit when we are clearing out the old pains and angers. In order to be healthy, we have to be aware of our emotions and work through the negative ones, replacing them with understanding and forgiveness.

Below is an article that I saved some time ago which I believe is useful..

Why Should I Forgive?

Think of forgiveness as a gift that you give to yourself. It is not something you do for the person who hurt you. It is a gift to yourself because it enables you to stop feeling painful feelings and pushing others away. Forgiveness frees you from anger and allows you to restore your ability to have close and satisfying relationships with others.

Anger is a poisonous emotion that comes from being hurt. When you are consumed with anger and bitterness, it hurts you at least as much as it hurts the person who has harmed you. It is as if you are filled with poison. If these feelings are not resolved, they can begin to eat you up inside. You have two choices: to stay connected to the person who hurt you by keeping these poisonous feelings alive, or to let the feelings go and forgive the person who harmed you. When you withhold forgiveness, think about who is actually being hurt. It is more than likely that the person who is filled with anger and anxiety is you, not the other person.

What Forgiveness Is Not

Forgiving another does not mean you will never again feel the pain or remember the thing that hurt you. The hurtful experience will be in your memory forever. By forgiving, you are not pretending the hurtful behavior never happened. It did happen. The important thing is to learn from it while letting go of the painful feelings.

Forgiveness is not about right or wrong. It doesn’t mean that the person’s behavior was okay. You are not excusing their behavior or giving permission for the behavior to be repeated or continued.

When you forgive another, it does not mean you wish to continue your relationship with them. This is a separate decision. You can forgive a person and live your life apart from them.

Forgiveness can only take place because we have the ability to make choices. This ability is a gift that we can use it whenever we wish. We have the choice to forgive or not to forgive. No other person can force us to do either.

http://www.creativecounselors.com/articles/forgive.htm

Gaia's Garden

2007-09-15T15:45:00.000-03:00

It is over two years since I was able to do anything in my outdoor paradise. Gaia has continued to look after this lovely spot which I cherish for the peace it offers me.

These pictures include the well garden area, my mysterious shrub enhanced area, a Maple moth, a new rose that grew from seed from other roses, a sunset and what the astilibe does after nightfall.